Dealing with a financially irresponsible spouse?

Question

Are you married to someone who has a hard time sticking to plans and promises with money? Have you been battling to keep your family out of the woods and not finding any kind of help from your spouse?

Answer 1

Yes!! I keep my name and my account to myself so I don't have to worry about my other messing up my accounts or credit. And...I didn't marry him. I won't make that mistake twice. Divorces (from experience-yes two of them) have taught me to not marry, keep my name and have my own money and credit.

Answer 2

Yes, we were both as bad as each other though. I am on my own now and I recognised some time ago I had to put money into all different accounts so I could not touch it easily. This was to make sure all of my big living costs would be paid for. Works for me.
This is going to sound strange perhaps given the question you asked. Find a good relationship Counsellor and see if you can find out the Why? of your partners spending habits. For example do they spend out of boredom, loneliness, need to keep up with a friend etc. Are they happy in the relationship? Sometimes not having much money creates tension in a relationship and instead of 'saving' they will spend so they don't 'feel' poor.
It can be quite a complicated tangle tied up in some past unresolved issues as well.
If it is none of these then perhaps you will need to have total control of the finances and give your partner an allowance. This will need to be negotiated via the counselling sessions so that anger and resentment are avoided in the future.
Hope this offers another point of view for you.
Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

I was, the only way I solved it was through divorce. However my brother did the same and stayed married. It takes a strong man to control a spendaholic wife, and an even stronger marriage to survive the cure.

It's foolish on your part to expect her to help you, it's not in her nature. If she could she would, but you might as well expect the sun to not rise tomorrow. Don't expect her to do anything to help, stick to plans or promises. You were naive to even think that to begin with. You have to cut her off cold turkey from money sources (all of them) and put her on a strict allowance. She can have no access to money at any level or amount. This is why it's so hard for a marriage to survive this problem. Most women would rather just divorce you than have to live under those restrictions...and the truth be told you would be better off divorce too.

You should have seen this coming, she was this way before you married her. It's really your mistake for thinking she would change or that you could change her. It's was even a bigger mistake for you to think it wouldn't matter later.

Good luck with this one.

Answer 4

Well, I'm not married yet (not till next month) but my fiancee and I have actually already been over this small bump on the path to marital bliss.

Before I met my fiancee, he apparently went through a stage in life where he didn't have any true ambition or plans for the future. He racked up college loan bills, bought a new car, joined a gym, and did all this without really focusing on whether or not he could actually afford the lifestyle. When we met, everything had just snowballed out of control for him and I was at the point where I'd finally straightened out my credit and become responsible with my finances. We actually had our first fight, when I found out about his financial instability, because I didn't want to be drug back down the bad credit road. Sooo....I told him I wouldn't marry him unless he began to be more responsible. Since that day (over two years ago) he's set up payment plans (and stuck to them), he's budgeted himself, and has seriously made improvement in his credit.

For you, this is my suggestion: The more financial responsible adult needs to take control of the family's finances and put his/her foot down. You need to sit down with your spouse and clearly define a budget and then make 'em stick to it! Sticking to it is the hardest part but after a few months it becomes normal. If your spouse is racking up debt on credit cards, take them away and store them somewhere only for emergency use. Both of you need to agree to the budget and remind eachother in those moments of weakness the reason you're doing this.

Answer 5

I was married to someone like this... Not anymore, but I still sometimes receive past due bills that are addressed to him. It's maddening - but at least it's not my problem any longer. I would never do this again. My now-husband is very squared-away financially; all the immature crap was ok when I was in my early 20s, but now that I'm in my 30s I want to be comfortable and enjoy life. No more financial havoc!

Answer 6

no, nor would I ever deal with that...without common goals, all marriages are doomed. cut your loses and move on. This one is not for you, unless, of course, you like creditors calling at all hours of the night, a ruined credit to the point you can't purchase an automobile, and forget about a house...mortgages are hard enough to get with a good credit report. You are headed down a nasty road to financial ruin..you know it and I know it. And, there may be bills out there you know nothing about. Of course, you will find out some day when you see it on your credit report...she can take the bills and throw them away, answer the phone and hide the problems until it is far too late to cure them. RUN!

Answer 7

Yes, I was married to one that is divorcing me now, it was pretty bad, he was addicted to eBay for one. We never had any money and to top it off he left me after a huge refinance on the house that was to be used to remodel. These people never change, I was married to him for 10 years - he is 50 and I am 37. In all those years he never changed. I have worked very hard to have something in life and because of this mess I almost lost my house. It's the only thing I have now because, he is taking me to court for the refinance monies. So I guess I would say try and get out now because they will never change. Believe me I should know, it has taken me a long time to realize it.

Answer 8

I was married to him. Since I was the only one with income going to the joint accounts, I closed all the joint accounts, and opened them in my name only. I closed all the joint credit cards, and sent letters indicating I would not accept responsibility for any debt incurred after (10 business days from the date of the letter), and sent the letters all certified mail, so I had a track.

The statements of all accounts and bills went to a post office box in my name. My paycheck was auto deposited or sent to me via interoffice mail. I refused to sign my name to anything the incurred more debt..car loans, and so on.

He had income, but it was from his VA school loan. That was his, and his school had to be paid from that and all his books. I gave him money for the bus to and from school daily (if I gave him money for the week, he'd spend it all on Monday).

He had no debit card to the accounts.

He was 7 years older than I was, and I was his 2nd (soon to be ex-) wife.

Now, I did this after multiple times where we sat down, went over the bills/income/budget, agreed to a plan, and he'd then go and take $200 from the account and tell me it was $20.

Been there.

Answer 9

Not currently, however my Charming Ex-Wife had a hobby that I called Recreational Medicine. Whenever she had a slight headache it was off to the Doctor, so our bills became a serious problem. Odd thing the first month she moved out, I had more money, even with the expense of a divorce and child support.

Good Luck!

~

Answer 10

I am really bad with finances. This is what my husband did. I came home one evening and he had opened me an account in my name. He started to give me an allowance for my part of the budget which included buying the food, the kids' clothing, gas, and our general running around money. After awhile he put my name back on the big account in case of emergency, but if I should spend any of it outside of a true emergency, I would receive a painful punishment spanking.

Answer 11

Such a spouse is not fit to be married. This spouse will ruin the marriage. Tell them to buck up or get a divorce.