what would you do if you had an abusive husband physical & verbal and he tells you if you leave he will kill?

Question

you. And I have 4 children and he tells me if I leave I will never see them again I have tried to make things right but nothing I do helps and now 3 nights a week he is out playing poker til 2 or 3 in the morning.But if I was to mention going any where he would go off and I havent been anywhere or have any friends since we have been married. Please I need some advice because I am depressed and sometimes I just wish I was dead.

Answer 1

first, you need to plan an escape from this dangerous nut. figure out who you can trust and get their help. this can include law enforcement or family services if necessary. get yourself and your children as far away from this freak as possible. have restraining orders in place. take care of you and your kids now!!!

Answer 2

well the first thing you need to leave, even if he says he will kill himself. This is all part of power and control (look up the power and control whell online) and he will do whatever he can to get you to stay with him. It takes a woman 7 times to leave a abusive relationship (before its too late). What you need to do is one day call a friend or family memeber who you can trust that will be will to help you out. Grab some things for you and your children and go into hidding from your husband. Prepare a safety kit which includes clothing, toiletries, medications, keys, money, copies of important documents, change (preferably a prepaid calling card with enough money) to use a pay phone, and a phone book or address book. Keep this kit near an exit route or with a trustworthy person.
Make arrangements to stay in a safe place, such as a shelter, hotel, or the house of someone the abuser does not know. Erase any e-mail or information on a computer that may help the abuser discover the location of the safe place. Understand that the abuser may be able to track credit card or cell phone bills to find this location. The least number of traces you leave, poorer the chances of being tracked.
Create a strategy for how to leave, especially if the situation escalates. Try to leave when the abuser is not home. Take the safety kit and leave quickly. Call a hotline, agency, or local police for more help.
Pines also stresses the importance of being discreet while planning a safe escape, saying, "If your partner suspects you are leaving, he will most likely become more violent. So it is important to prepare carefully and secretly. This is not the time to break the news to him gently in the hope it will make him less upset."
If you want to stay alive then I have left you some tips that will help you. So please leave before you end up dead!

Answer 3

By your own admission, you are married to a controlling, abusive husband... nothing is going to change him, don't even think it will.
You have a few choices that he has made easy for you.
1) Wait until the next battering session, and kill him on the spot in self defense. (I am not kidding, for this is the only sure way you and your children will come out of this relatively unharmend
2) Call you father if he is alive. If he is any kind of man at all, he is not going to let his little girl be damaged any further. Let him take care of the details and do whatever he says
3) run with your children, take all the money you can put together, and don't stop until you are far, far away. Wherever you end up, make sure it is a big town far away, and call a women's shelter immediately. Seek help and you will find it.
4) listen to the Dixie Chicks, "Kill Earl." That pretty much sums it up.

Answer 4

Please please please get out now. Don't wait. I was in your shoes absent the children. When he's gone on poker night, get someone there. The police would be great. Just in case he comes back. There are domestic women's shelters everywhere. They will let you bring your kids. My suggestion is to get as far away as possible. If these are his kids you cannot leave the state. I don't know how true it is, however a friend did tell me you can take your kids to Canada and file for full custody. You will have legal custody in Canada. However, you would not be able to go back to the states. I would check this out prior to attempting it. I know you are afraid. It will not get better. He can kill either you or your children or both. It happens all of the time. Since you really don't know anyone the person who said get his threats on tape is right. You will need some proof. Goodluck. I am sure if you leave you and your kids will finally be safe and happy. Please do so ASAP. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 5

You have to remove your children from the circumstance immediately. Get them with a family member or friend who can handle them and not allow the husband to influence them about getting the kids back.

You MUST get help from a professional organization. They will help you come up with an escape plan that will keep you from being killed.

Get an insurance policy and a will so the kids won't be left to him and money incase you don't call for help.

Let him stay out all night and stop asking. The more he is away, the less harm that comes to you and the more time you have to make a plan to escape WITH HELP!!

www.angelfire.com or childwelfare.gov are other sources.

United ways - 211 can also point you in the right direction.

GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF THERE NOW!!!

Answer 6

If u were dead what would happen to ur children? Think about that when u feel that nothing would be better than u just slipping out of life. When ppl think of suicide they seem to forget how that impacts those around us. Im a mom who has had her ups and downs in life, for the fleeting moment that suicide crossed my mind i thought about my girls and what would happen to them. It hurt me deeply to think of all that i would miss and how they would miss me when they hit those "milestones" of their lives. You have to find a womens shelter, here in Canada they r free so u dont have to save up any money to get in there. Im hoping that u have something along those lines where u live as well. My father was an abusive drunk who beat the hell out of my mom when i was a kid. Believe me those were NOT the best memories to have of my childhood. My mom left my dad, he also told her "u leave me i will kill u!" It took all the courage she had, but she did it we moved into an apt. and he didnt know where we had gone. Life became so much better and it will for ur children and urself too. Ask for some help from family if that is possible.. leave when he is gone and never look back. As for being depressed, u can talk to ur doctor about that. There r many meds on the market that can help u through this rough time. Although im sure this is situational and when u free urself from his grasp u will feel better. He is obviously a control freak, u have to get out of there and make a better life for ur children. Good luck!

Answer 7

Do you have a domestic violence group near you? If so go to them and they can help you. Also...you need to put a stop to the physical abuse now...or believe me it will only get worse. Call the cops on him when he hits you. Also a good idea to keep a daily log and record the things he says and does. My ex would supposedly be out bowling, etc...but guess what? That is not what he was doing at all. Maybe part of the evening but not all of it. I know what you are feeling when you say you are depressed and that sometimes you wish you were dead. But, hon, you have to think of yourself and also your children. They do not need to be around this kind of relationship. Please...please do not let it get you down to where your health is at risk. Seek help and get a restraining order.

Answer 8

In California, State law 273.5a, Corporal abuse (beating the sxxt out of anyone, automatically, depending on his past criminal record, the degree of abuse, etc. First Offense equals 30 to 60 days jail time,52 weeks anger management classes, court costs, financial fines he must may to you.

With each conviction the punishment increases dramatically.
Felony conviction number three......Guess what!
Three Strikes----San Quinton (Forever) where he'll be the woman.

If the police do not take him to jail and he hits you again.
The police department is liabel. Big Time.

Check your state law on spousal abuse. Read the price the wife beater or husband beater pays for each offense if he does not change his ways the first arrest.

In California I could be arrested, fined, do 52 anger management classes for threatening to beat your husband up.
Terrorist Threats. Just saying those words to anyone....I'm a jail bird.

I hope a police officer reads this because he'll back me up. Any police officer in California is immediatly fired if he's arrested for spousal abuse....
You can never hold a state license to nurse, teach, etc. ever.
You can't even be in a house where a firearm is present.

So chear up girl, the laws are there for a reason. OJ's only good contribution made this law in effect.

Remember this: in cases where threats are given but no actual physical abuse has taken place, usually first one to the phone wins.

Ask the local police what the law for spousal abuse is in your state. Ask them if they take him to jail for threats?
If they don't? Move to California girl. Just kidding!
Remwember this: You make a choice every day. You choose your future. Take it or make( it )go away.....Mr. Tough Guy!


Best Wishes.

Answer 9

Listen to Jack P. and others helping offer a way out.
Pack your stuff and hide it in case you have to run with the kids soon so he won't suspect. It is easier if you don't have kids or as many, but take them with you when you go. If you have to, you can use grocery trip or taking kids to school as an excuse to make a 911, d.v. emergency number, or police phone call. Social services can help too.
The d.v. people should be able to help you with a place to stay. It is very confidential and he cannot find it. Tape record him. Get any court records of him having gone to jail before. Call the magistrate and get emergency protective order and take it to court to get more permanent order. The domestic violence people should also be able to hook you up with legal aid. I'd wait until he's gone to "play poker". You deserve to be happy and not wish you were dead. I've been here before. Still trying to manage. Look up "crises" in the phone book for your area. It should have the number for you to get an emergency shelter. Also magistrate and cops can help you.
When you stay at shelter or they hide you, no one is supposed to know where you are going. Do not tell anyone where you are going, not even your bestest friend, doctor, boss, or relatives if you have any because if you tell anyone he can get info from them to track you down. If you have to, tell them that he is abusive and that you cannot tell your whereabouts. He is not allowed to know and you telling them can mean the difference between you and them living.
There is nothing you can do to make things right because it is him who's messed up, and the more you and kids stay there, the more he's gonna mess you and them up too. He's already making you depressed and wishing death on yourself. You need to take care of you and those babies, not try to appease his freak of nature anger cause he won't stop hurting you until you get the help you need. Don't wait, call the d.v. people today, if not for yourself, your babies and you. They have the right to have a mama and not be in foster care because their daddy did their mama in and is in jail.

Answer 10

Id be wishen he were dead not me. Take the kids and go get a lawer. He has total control over you because you allow it. The threat from him comes from his fear that you will leave. Get online and find help there is plenty out there. Be strong. This is soooo bad for your kids. I hope they dont turn out bad and treat women the way you let him treat you or that your daughter allows this to happen to her. Why would you keep having kids with this man. I feel you need help also for your part in allowing this to continue. I don't mean to sound cruel but I have a point. A man would NEVER treat me that way.

Answer 11

This guy is a major control freak!! If he doesn't get his way, he goes off. You say something he doesn't like, he goes off.
Your in a losing situation. Contact the police, When he's out of the house, Tell them what is going on and that you need protective custody or social services to help you and the children get out of the house, Then get a restraining order put on him! The man has threatened to kill you! Is that the way a man who claims to love you acts? No it isn't!!! Get yourself out of there before you or the kids get hurt!!