I live with my boyf of 9 yrs and 5yr old daughter but have really strong feelings for a female colleague and I know that this is not a crush, it has gone on for a year now and I am seriously considering trying to date women to make sure of this but don`t quite know how anonymously and can`t face leaving my boyf and child I feel like i`m being torn apart i am snappy and nasty with boyf as i don`t want to be with him, when i leave the company of my colleague i am instantly depressed and i feel like just running away i know there are no certain answers but any similar experience would be appreciated
2007-04-24 11:20:19 · 19 answers · asked by yogul 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
OOOPS...sounds as if you are not struggling with your sexuality, but with your living conditions to me. Sounds as if you already know what you want sexually, but somewhere in the past, you either didn't realize it, or you ignored it for any one of many reasons.
If you are absolutely sure you know yourself, then you do neither your bf or child any favors by keeping on keeping on. I have been where you are at...at 28, I discoved a man...not men, but a man that I went nuts over..total surprise to me! And I am talking nuts! I was married, had two children, could not control my feelings, he filled my head, heart, and soul within 2 minutes of meeting him! Like you, I went through the horrendous struggle to hold myself together, see him on the sly, etc....after 4 years of this, I was worn out...hated myself for lying to my wife...finally just came out with it. She and I agreed to split, but only if I would stay in the vicinity of the kids. That was never a problem. My lover and I had the kids 4 days a week, my ex wife had them 3 days. She was free to find a suitable husband, for I was certainly no longer suitable in my opinion. All ended very well, our sons are men now, my ex remarried and is happy, I am happy...everyone is happy. My staying would have prevented anyone from being happy, and it would have only been a matter of time before everything snapped. Face it, child...you are there now. You think you are the center of everyone's universe, but I found that others got along just fine without me...you will find the same thing. Good luck
2007-04-24 11:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hey chic! I dont think you have a problem at all. I have incurred the same feellings latley myself and im 26. I absolutly love my hubby and my 2 children..I have a sucessfull career and and was happy where Im at. Then all of a sudden those feeling i had when I was young about 13-14 came back..I have always surpressed them.. but hello they are me. I have learned to accept myself slowly over time.. I have even discussed these feelings with my husband...and I feel so much better. I think you need talk with your b/f. If you have good communication Im sure he'll understand. I think you are bi. Cause I know I am I enjoy my hubby and love men but I love the way women look smell... I just love people. I would consider doing the 3 some with hubby to enjoy a women. But till I find someone I trust I watch porn. It feels the need a little. But ifrst thing first talk to your B/F if you guys are close. and Stop beating yourself up. You are an ultimate Female that finds women attractive..that is much better then being insecure or jealous like the others. I think your more confident than you realize. Cause to appreciate the beauty of another women takes confidence in yourself. You Have found yourself. You should love it!! Some girls are still looking !! If you want to chat more email me at "babydoll981000" yahoo of course I would love to know how you are doing. Oh and as for being nasty to b/f sometimes when we are unhappy at ourselves we take it out on others...dont be so hard on him..he probably can see your struggle...and wonders what it is if you havent told him
2007-04-24 11:56:55 · answer #2 · answered by Babydoll 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People mature into their sexuality at different rates, so it shouldn't concern you that you're having these feelings at 26. You definitely need to figure out who you truly are, so that you can do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.
I do think it's fair for you to sit down and talk about the issue with your bf first before exploring anything though. You've been with him 9 years and have a child with him-he deserves to know what's going on and the reason for your snappiness.
It's possible he may allow you to explore your feelings within the bounds of your relationship. If not, at least you've done the right thing by advising him of your feelings.
2007-04-24 11:46:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your relationship with your bf has got tired and u have the 7 year itch a couple of years late. You probably just feel attracted to her as it's a safer thing than an affair with a guy, as it probably won't go anywhere.
You have 2 choices, 1 stay with the bf in which case re-invent the relationship or you will lose him anyway. 2 leave him for the woman and see what happens. It happened the same to me, but my ex now denies that she was bi/gay but her gf told me. She is now in an unhappy relationship with a guy again when she could have just stayed with me and the kids...
2007-04-24 14:02:47 · answer #4 · answered by Paul H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not going crazy you just have a void that needs to be filled and you're not positive your b/f is able to do it.
I say don't leave him yet until you are certain you are totally serious about your decision.
It's not like you're married to him.
I mean write a list of all he's done for you and then compare it to what your needs are. Ultimately talk it over w/ God and ask him to help you make all the best decisions.......Is your happiness important? Then make the 1st attempt!
2007-04-24 11:29:35 · answer #5 · answered by Camille 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if ur not happy with the bf its no different to a str8 couple with a kid splitting rly. I'm sure ull work it all out. As for the woman, maybe it's just a subconscious reaction to not being happy with your boyfriend - feeling that women are the way to go after all?
2007-04-24 12:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you have been with ur bf for so long it isn't so weird that you are only curious now. many women i know were 'sexually enlightened' after they broke up with their first serious relationship. If your boyfriend is like most men i dont think he would mind his gf experimenting with other women. Although you seem to want to be in a relationship with a woman so that might not sound so good to him. It seems as if you want to leave your bf anyways so maybe 'i think im gay' might soften the breakup blow
2007-04-24 11:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by bippidibopiddi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have 2 issues ..
One ... your boyfriend ... if your not happy , talk to him ... nobody would want there partner to be unhappy .. and just pretend to be happy .. be honest with him
Two .... your sexuality .. with that issue ... only time will tell .. if in the future you have the chance to explore your sexuality .. the worst thing that will happen is you find out youve made a mistake .
Sexuality is something that lots of people stuggle with because we all have strong expectations of how we think things should be .. and quite often life isnt that simple ..
your not alone .
good luck
2007-04-24 11:27:55 · answer #8 · answered by blogmart 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
take a deep breath......now blow out.......
I don't think it sounds like your bi-sexual....your orientation is not the issue here....its how to handle the situation....you are falling for someone else and it happens to be of the same sex and you dont know what to do ....I think you are probably done with your boyf not because you dont like men but because your done with him....dont struggle in your mind about your sexuality...just go with your heart towards the one you are drawn to...
If you try to figure out your sexuality it will keep you in a whirl wind....just relax ...
But I def think the issue at hand is the falling out of love with one and in with the other....
2007-04-24 11:54:31 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're bi-sexual.
I'm not you so I can't really comment on why you're struggling with it, but some people like both sexes.
There's nothing wrong with it and I'm sure it has to be confusing for you.
Just end up with someone you love, respect and love to spend your time with and you can't go wrong whether that be a boy or a girl.
(hell, I'm jealous to a certain degree. it would be soooo easy to hook up with other guys!)
2007-04-24 11:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by Josh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋