I want more children and my husband does not?

Question

I kind of tricked him into the first one. Kind of. We have a 1 yr old, and are both 21. We have been married almost two years. We are doing well financially, and even have a three bedroom home, enough room for more! I wanted to have all my kids before 25 so I can get my degree before 30. We have talked about planning it and he has agreed and then every time that time of the month comes to try he makes an excuse or starts a fight. I don't know what to do, I really want more children and for my kids to be around the same age. I do not want to get one out of diapers and into school just to start with a newborn again. But I don't want to force my husband to do something he doesn't want to do? It's putting a terrible strain on the relationship. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Answer 1

Not to sound snarky, but how do you expect to finish up a degree that quickly with more than one little one running around the house? I mean, that's kind of skewed logic--and maybe your husband isn't buying it.

Try stepping out of the situation and looking at this from the outside. Perhaps your husband is trying to calculate the cost of taking care of all those children, plus putting you through school and it's freaking him out.

Are you making any sort of financial contribution to the arrangement--or, is he going to be expected to carry all of the workload of taking care of the house, the kids, the bills, while you go to classes.

If you are working--how do you expect to sleep, take care of more than one child, take classes, do your homework, etc?

*You and your husband need to discuss this issue.*

Answer 2

Just try to get all the pros and cons together and then talk about it. There are many and it really is a decision that you both need to make.

I personally had 3 kids in under 3 years and it was great! They were all single births and they kept each other intertained. I was a single mother when I divorced their dad when the youngest was only 4 months old. 7 years later I remarried and 2 years after that did it all over again. 3 kids in 3 years. I have never regretted it and it was so much cheaper because they grew up together and pretty basically all wore the same size clothing for a few years even.

Now if your husband wants to wait, well it is also an advantage because the older kids do help out with the younger ones. Not that you force them to but because they get such a thrill at having the minor responsibility of some one they love. I could tell you some stories...another time maybe!

Answer 3

I have not been in this situation, I had my son when I was 17 with a previous partner. I kind of feel as if he tricked me into it. I am happy with my son and when it came time to add to my family, my partner now was only too happy to oblige.
I don't think you need to rush having another child, you are 21 with a one year old. It is hard to run round after a toddler when you are heavily pregnant. Consider that.
You can't force your husband to want another baby, and to trick him was wrong in the first place. If you do it again, chances are, you will lose him, because there is obviously a valid reason as to why he doesn't want another child yet. You guys need to communicate badly.
And just so you know, a bigger age gap is not neccessarily a bad thing, my son is 5 now and my daughter is 3 months and I find that to be a good balance, my son is at school during the day, so it takes the pressure off a little bit.
I can understand you want to get your degree, but there are several things you can do to make that happen without compromising what you and your husband want. Life doesn't work to a timetable when it comes to when you will have your children. I am doing a diploma by correspondence while looking after my daughter, and that situation works well for the both of us, she isn't in childcare, and I'm not getting brainmush!

Answer 4

Well here is some little advise. You want more he doesnt right. Umm do you take care of the child now? You can tell him well I would like more kids and I take care of them. Try and talk to him clearly so he understands where your going. If he still says no, ask him why not? It could be that sex is the problem between him maybe he thinks if he has a lot of children it means less sex for him and more work for you. Though you can tell him well we will give the kids bedtime all this and that. Its all about convincing and no offence you are very young but if tis what you want tell him. He seems young as well he doesnt know all about being a daddy. Usually its hard to make a 25 year old guy to understand things like that. Though tell him why do u keep ignoring when we are going to try? Why do you all of a sudden argue with me? Good luck hope i helped ya.

Answer 5

You both have to somehow agree to it. When you have another baby, you're bringing another life into a whold, and that's a very big responsibilty.


By the way, you were wrong about what you said in response to my question a few days ago, I am not a sex addict. I am miserable because of my lack of success, I haven't tried hard enough. And if I succeded like I SHOULD HAVE all these years, then I wouldn't have people replies to me saying "get help", and "go to sex addicts anomonous". I don't need help by the way. I just haven't tried hard enough and it's my fault for not succeding.

Answer 6

Try not to pressure him. Let it go for now. You're both very young and you still have a baby. Wait until your baby is older and then discuss it again. Perhaps putting the degree off a little longer is a compromise you may have to make. Try not to pressure him before he's ready just to get a degree. Try to be flexible and things will go much smoother.

Answer 7

Don't trink your husband because if you do that he may hold it against the baby. You do not want to do that.

You both need to be on the same page with kids or its just not going to work.

I am 27 and I have my first baby now it will be aright if you have another baby a little later in life.

Answer 8

If he does not want more children, then you aren't having any more. It's not always fair. My hubby also does not wish to have more children. We have a one girl. I would like more but I know it takes two people and am not scandalous enough to trick him into it.

Answer 9

I think you should talk to him about his concerns.. I know you want more children but he may not be ready.... talk to him before that time gets here sit down honestly and Openmindedly... if you love him and he doesn't want more kids you need to respect that... I know it's hard but you're both in it together:)

Answer 10

If he adamant about not wanting more children at this time, there probably isn't a whole lot you can do.

Let me ask you this though, why didn't you go for your degree first? Little ones need their mom at home!