I made a mistake and I cheated now what do I do?

Question

I have had major relationship problems for a long time now, my boyfriend does not act respectful to me, lies/sneaks, drinks and does drugs alot. Now I am the one who has made a terrible mistake, I got really intoxicated and I made out with another man. I feel awful and have already told him what happened because I do not lie to him and I up until now am not the cheating type. I feel awful and I hurt him alot but at the same time can not help thinking that he somewhat did it to himself. I have told him a million times I feel unloved and alone, that I need him to be honest with me and that all the drugs, drinking, disrespect and sleepless nights are taking a tole on our relationship but nothing had changed and he has not tried to make it better in the last two years. We've been together for six years and there is no excuse for what happened but how can we fix this? is it possible to work out so many problems at once? he had cheated when we were young but not in years. HELP I need advice

Answer 1

alot of the answers are great ones, I tend to agree and say it's time to move on. Your relationship isn't productive to either of you, as for cheating... you can pawn the blame on whatever you like, but nobody, not even the alcohol twisted your arm into you finding yourself in another mans arms. You have both done wrong, and there aren't many ways to make it right. I personally couldn't see a relationship like that ending in any other way but a bad one. Either cut your losses and split, or you both need to throw yourselves headlong into fixing your relationship, one or the other has to be done. Good luck

Answer 2

You need to dump the boyfriend. You were attracted to another man because he was giving you the attention that you are seeking that your current BF is not giving you. You need to seriously evaluate your quality of life right now. Why would you want to be involved with a person who lies to you, drinks, and does drugs? How are you benefiting by being in this relationship. Seems like he is putting the drugs and partying first before you. Being a drug addict is a SERIOUS problem and you need to get yourself out of this relationship fast! You've been with this man for 6 years and it has gone no where and will continue to go no where because he loves his drugs too much. You can only help your boyfriend so much, but there comes a time where he has to want to help himself too. The first step to fixing a problem is realize and admitting you have a problem. Get rid of the boyfriend!! Trust me, NORMAL relationships AREN'T like this. A good man would never treat you like that. There are plenty of them out there!

Answer 3

I honestly feel sorry for you. You have been in a 6 year relationship with a guy that you say has cheated on you, who makes you feel unloved, alone, who does drugs, drinks, disrepsctes you, and caused you to lose sleep over the future of your relationship.........and now you feel guilty because you made out with another guy at a party? If you can, look 2-3 years into the future. If you stay with this guy, what will that future look like? There's your answer sweatheart.

Answer 4

You have two choices - 1) seek counseling because right now the both of you are in an unhealthy relationship and it's not going to get any better until you start talking about and doing something about what's bothering you.

2) Get out of the relationship now before you do more damage and end up regretting something, like having a kid. Maybe you should stay single a while until you figure out what you want.

Answer 5

This is the definition of a BAD relationship. You need to end it. No relationship can survive with lack of respect and this relationship will never be able to crawl back to anything near respectful. You didnt cheat because you were drunk. You cheated because you wanted to. All the alchohol did was give you an excuse. Its liquid courage. Alchohol only gives you more courage to do things that you keep yourself from doing regularly. Find your way out of this travesty and start looking for someone who can and will respect you as a person. Good Luck.

Answer 6

My dear...you are what I term in layman's parlance..."a chump".
You have a boyfriend who drinks to excess, uses narcotics, has lied and is sneaky...all which are disrespctful so that "quality' of his is moot. Yet...due to the lack of all of this in a relationship that you have put up with...for lack of a better word, you feel terrible because you sought comfort, sexual or or therwise with another man? Oh..and to add icing to the cake, you tell your lying, sneaky, drug/alcohol addled boyfriend.
Been together for 6 years. eaten sh*t for at least two...and uh...you're looking to make this work when he won't even make an effort to work at it with you.
Have you that much of low self-esteem that you'd rather be the hand-wringing and snivelling female who whines "What do I do?" when obviously you hold no more interest in his life than a common house fly. You don't find this troubling? You don't find your own lack of action...or inaction even more troubling?
Lady...you'll get no help until you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, give him the finger and say "I've had enough loser...sayanora" and head to the door.
If you can't do that after being crapped on all these years...you deserve this miserable lifestyle you've not only come to expect...but strangely seem to enjoy.

Answer 7

It may be time for you to let go of him, you have been together so long you don't know anything but that relationship. usually people cheat because they have already mentally checked out of the relationship. however if you really want to work things out you should seek counseling, but if he's into drugs like you say he is then you need to start thinking about yourself. ask yourself if you are happy, where you see yourself in 5 yrs 10 yrs etc, and if you truly believe he is a good man and loves you. does he treat you like he loves you? if not then you should tell him why you don't feel like he loves you and what he can do to make you feel more loved then ask him if he feels you love him and what you can do to make him feel loved.

Answer 8

I totally agree with Quasimodo.

Sounds like you are actually enjoying letting people know about your horrible life and loser boyfriend.

I suspect you are a masochist. You have ZERO self-esteem and should work on liking yourself better and dumping this idiot if you want a shot at a decent life.

Normally I'd sympathize and say "I'm sorry to hear you are in this", but today I won't.
I think you don't love, respect or care for yourself, so how can you expect another person to love and respect you?

Do you think you will ever get those wasted years back?
Do you actually believe this guy cares about you? HELLOOO!

Get your act together and try to help yourself first.

Answer 9

You are a brave woman being with a man like that. This relationship has trouble written all over it. As far as the cheating part goes, you did the right thing by telling him. Better to hear it from you than anyone else. I sincerely hope that you get out of that relationship. You don't need a man like that. He can only bring you down.

Answer 10

My question is this: Why the hell do you want to work this out? This is the best you can do? A guy who doesn't care about your feelings? A guy who doesn't try to improve your relationship? A guy who sneaks around to do drugs and drink? A guy who is disrepectful to you?

Is this is what you dreamed of when you were a little girl? Get rid of the guy and find somebody better. From the sound of things, it won't be too hard.