there is more to the story?

Question

there is a whole lot more to the story but they only allow a you a thousand characters to work with.i dont choose to live this way but i know that if i had a way out the situation i would definitly leave my husband.my husbands do a lot of things and he is very insecure.he got up in the middle of the night like 3 something in the morning to see what i was doing in the bathroom and why i was taking long in there.mind you he was sound asleep so he really dont know how long i was in there.and he would make a argument about me taking long in the bathroom.there are numerous things that i have to go through day to day with him and being though im in no position in no way shape or form to just move and find my own place because i have no money no family and no friends no bank accounts and nothing to my name.sometimes i just bust out crying and asking myself how long do i have to live like this.i ask one person what i should do and they said since i have nothing then i have no choice but 2stay

Answer 1

you should get a frickin job. What do you do sit on your butt all day at home while he brings home the money. Have some respect and make some money. Maybe then he will treat you like an equal or you have the choice to get out.

Answer 2

Hun, no one can help you but yourself. Since you have nothing, you will have to start at the bottom and work your way up. First, get yourself a job. Even if it's part time. If he has a problem with it, you get a back bone and demand it! You save a little money for yourself, cash at first, until you have enough to open your own checking/savings account. You keep this all from him. Maybe get a credit card in your name for emergencies. Once you have that checking account, you keep adding $$ in it. (BTW, you might want to give them your work address as a mailing/billing address so he won't find out about it) and when you get to that point, when you get your **** together, you get your own place. If you are not educated, go to school. You have to start somewhere. Instead of just feeling sorry for yourself and being miserable, get your butt up and do something about it. I was once like you. I'm married, I was a stay at home mom for 2 years. My husband was abusive to me, and I put up with a lot b/c I had low self esteem and nowhere to go. Didn't have a car, job, money - nothing. I decided, when I really had enough, that I wanted more out of my life. I got a job, and I got a car, I'm still with my husband b/c he has changed and has done a 100% turn around! I started off as a receptionist, and now a year later here I am - I've been promoted twice and I'm now an Operations Manager. Anything is possible, I have a great job, nice car, and a nice house. I worked for it ALL. I saved my hard earned dollars and I got what I wanted. All you have to be is determined and that is what motivated me. I actually bought my first real Coach purse a couple of weeks ago. I have moved on up from where I was a year and a half ago, and thank God! You can do it too! It just takes work, patience and determination!

Answer 3

I married young and was in the SAME situation. If you don't like the situation you are in, get out. You can always go to a shelter.

If you want to stay, or feel like you can't get out right now, here are some tips on making things easier:

Get a job. Even if it's part time and minimum wage. It really will make a difference. Get your own bank account and don't tell him about it. In fact when it comes to finances let him think you make less and have less than you really do and save up as much as you can.

Second, learn how to deal with men. By this I mean that you really have to ham things up. When you're dealing with a total jerk, you have to play politics. Don't act scared of him, or cry when he puts you down. Keep your home clean and tidy, and make sure that he thinks that YOU think that he's the greatest thing that ever happened. Give him a lot of attention/affection, etc. Even if you feel the opposite. I know it sucks and it's hard but just try it. It'll help you get what you want, trust me.

Third have a dream and some goals. If your goal is to get out, outline a plan and stick to it. If it's for things to get better, you can try working out that too. If you like reading try "fascinating womanhood", it can help you learn to deal with an abusive husband if your choice is to stay for your kids or whatever. Or try marital therapy or even church. Church is great even if you are not totally religious because it will give you an excellent support system.

Lastly, no marriage is perfect, so don't think that if you do eventually get out and find the man of your dreams you'll have the perfect life you never thought possible! And a lot of times you have to look at yourself. Work on your own self esteem and learn who you are, that way you won't go from relationship to relationship with the same problems.

Hope things get better!

Answer 4

You have tons of choices. you dont have to stay in a relationship like that. You dont have to be controlled and basically owned by him. When he is at work search the Internet for shelters in your area, make a phone call to the welfare office. Call a counselor or even sometimes the police can give you direction. you said you are 19, you have your whole life to do something, all you have to do is take this first step and I know how hard it is. The first day is the killer, the first step out the door and retraining yourself to think for yourself again. There are so many options open for you, all you have to do is seek the help in a good direction. I'm not judging you, I would like to be able to help. Too many young women get caught in this situation. When you decide what you need to do, make sure you let someone besides your husband know your plans. If you are worried about your safety, you could seek an order of protection against your husband. Get into contact with a social worker s/he should be able to help you more.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same situation. I am currently looking for a job so I can be completely independent from my ex-husband. Try to get therapy if you can. Get out and try to make some friends. If you can talk to your family, then do it. If you need a person to vent or ask advice, e-mail me.

Answer 6

Ask people for help . I was down and out but that was years ago i would go job hunting when i gave them the application i would ask if they had a place for me to stay . You would be surprised at how many people are willing to help out a person in need . Some times you have to swallow your pride. Maybe try getting a live in job .

Answer 7

Go to a womans shelter and get yourself out of this mess. Stop wasting time whining here about it and get OUT!!!

Answer 8

you always have a choice, even if you have to just leave your husband & go to a women's shelter. that's sounds like it would be better than where you are.