husband or first love?

Question

I have been married for 8 years and have 2 wonderful children with this man. But I have not felt in love with him in a long time Yes I love him and care for him but he really isn't that man that makes me go OOHH LALA. But on the other hand I cannot stop thinking about my first true love that I haven't been with in almost 10 years. I dream about him and I being together all the time and think about him when I am not dreaming. I still have so much love for him. We had a real rocky relationship but we were young and dumb. We were together for 4 years since I was 16 till 19 years old. Then we had a break up and I met my husband at work. My husband proposed to me with in 3 months of our relationship and I accepted. I really think I have made a BIG mistake. Should I go try to get my first love back and end my marriage I need some advise. HELP

Answer 1

You are in love with a fantasy, and the person you remember no longer exists. You were teenagers then. That was then, this is now.

If you met your old boyfriend again, you would see that you both have changed. I hope you find happiness where you are, but looking back 10 years is not the answer.

Answer 2

No, you need to work on your marriage. The ball was in your court and you agreed to marry your husband, so unless he's beating you or treating you badly I suggest you stay put. If you leave, you'll only be chasing a fantasy because there is no guarantee that you won't feel the same away about the other man 8 years from now. And after 8 years of being married, most people don't feel oohh lala but they don't go and scrap their marriage because of it. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and I don't think you should take that chance. Go to marriage counseling or get counseling just for yourself and work out your personal issues. Good Luck

Answer 3

What i think you need to do first is ask yourself if you really want your first love back.What you may need is some closure from your past.I believe that your first love will always be apart of you and you will always love him i believe that for all woman, men don't get as attached but women will always love their first love and think about them.
But if these thoughts are everyday then you need to.....

First i say that you should, GIVE YOUR HUSBAND A CHANCE THEN...confront your husband about how your feeling towards him and try to work it out with him maybe try some counseling or go on a romantic gateway to see if that's what you need if that doesn't work .......
File a legal separation from your husband and move into your own place and see how that goes.And while your going threw a separation find your first love and see how things are there.If hes happy with someone then that's all you need to know.If he's not with someone see how hes feeling and take it from there. If at the end of the separation you don't want to be with your husband then get a divorce, but make sure your absolutely sure for your sake and the kids sake. Don't get the divorce because you think the grass is greener on the other side because IT HARDLY EVER IS.
Keep me posted please.Good luck.

Answer 4

You will have to believe me on this one. I went back to my big love from in the early years. (after five years of completely no contact) But the years have changed. He has had a very quiet life here while I was breaking loose somewhere far away and oversea. I want action and life, he just wants to party and lazy around with always the same old friends. We used to be more a like, we used to have no real strings, we used to have so much fun together even doing nothing, just being together. But times have changed, so have we. I sometimes try to break loose again, but, I have changed too, and maybe have to accept, that not all can be as perfect as in dreams. And maybe we have to accept that what we have in our hands might be so valuable.
Why run for a young chicken when behind you your whole farm is burning down?

Answer 5

We are kinda in the same boat, but up different creeks....Your story almost matches mine, but I'm not thinking about leaving my husband...even though sometimes it seems like life would be much happier that way.....I don't believe it will actually be a "Happy life". If I were you I'd tell your husband that you want him to rekindle your marriage...tell him you want to be "in love". It might start an argument for one day, but if he really loves you within a week, he'll come home with flowers and tell you to get dressed cause your going out! If you never had THOSE feelings for him, then you need to leave....too many people wait 'till the kids get older....I think that that's stupid and a bad decision....Do it now...BUT DON'T LEAVE HIM for the old flame, leave him, because those feelings have never been there...because flames go out after a while:( Make sure that you don't leave him for another guy.....that's just stupid...Good Luck and Best Wishes:)

Answer 6

I think that you feel you have not sowed your wild oats and you may not REALLY want your ex back but it's the fact that you want to be single again so u think of ur ex. Maybe you did get married together but now that children are involved you should maybe go to couples therapy or really talk it out with your husband. He may get so upset that HE may be the one to leave YOU. But don't hold it in any longer because u don't want it to result in you cheating. Plus it's been 10 years since you've been with your ex...a lot of things change over 10 years. He may have a family of his own.

Answer 7

you should think about it 8 years? i am not saying stay with him but how do you know the other guy doesn't have a family of his own too. i mean definitely leave your husband because you aren't inlove with him but you shouldn't just go look for your ex just like that, its been 10 years... but even if you don't get back with your ex or not you should leave your husband because you can't just settle for someone... or maybe take time apart from him, maybe you are just used to him and your ex is just a nice memory! if you are sure about your feelings then leave him if not make it work.. and about the ex like i said it's been 10 years but if you have contact with him and he loves you too well then try it out if not let it go its been too long! good luck!

Answer 8

you got into a rebound relationship. why would you get married within three months. you screwed up big time. you should have given yourself time to heal from dude. evidently he rocked your world. 10 years and you are still trippin. you played a game of deception and if you don't clean your mess up it's going to bite you real hard. sit your husband down and tell him where you are at, and at least you will be dealing with reality. but first go find dude and see who he is today. maybe he has become someone that you will not like. straighten yourself out and be real about it, and it will all smooth out for you.

Answer 9

If you have such strong feelings for your first love then why in the world would you marry someone else? I believe that you should get over your first love and stay with your husband. You and your first love were young and that is all there is to it. It did not work out then and it probably will not work out now. So just get over him and give ALL your love to your husband and children.

Answer 10

Try working a little on keeping and making your marriage better. You are not giving your husband a fair chance.