what can i do?

Question

i been married since i was 16 years old and now im 19 years old and still married.
my husband is making my life a living hell.he refuse to let me work.one day i told him i was about to go look for a job and he told me if i did that then he would have the locks change when i come back and i would be unable to get in.so i changed my mind about looking for a job because i have no other home but my marital home and i dont want to be living on the street or in the subway.right now im on school trying to get my G.E.D. my husband is very mean and sometimes if i do something he dont like then he will take stuff from me like the modem to our pc so that i cant access the internet.and right now he is planning on cutting up my shoes because he dont like them.i have no money no bank account nothing to my name i have no money.i have no family.i have no friends and noone to help me out.should i just find a guy to live with and pay him rent by giving him sex?
im hopeless and dont have any options!

Answer 1

No situation is hopeless. What you need to do is make a plan. I am sure that you get money to buy groceries. Start saving a little bit of that for yourself.

You can also get a part time job and start saving that.
At school you may have guidance counselors who can also connect you to social services.


Stay strong and by all means do not prostitute yourself

Answer 2

Oh my goodness, you are in a bad predicament arent you? Well it seems your husband is a bit of a control freak. That is very unhealthy environment to live in. And if he is a control freak now, he probably always will be unless you get him some kind of help! Have you ever suggested marriage counseling? Perhaps bring it to his attention that his ways are upsetting to you and if you both want to try to make it work, you could suggest it to him.

If he doesnt want to do that, then you need to get help for yourself girl. Is there maybe a shelter you could go to so you can get on your feet? Some shelters let you stay there while you work and you can get a place on your own. A friend of mine had to do that for about 8 months and then she was in her own apartment. It was the best thing she ever did!

By all means DONT find some man and sleep with him for a roof over your head! That will do nothing but make you even more unhappy, not to mention you will be degrading and disrespecting yourself and your body.

Also, there are some phone number (hot lines) where you can get help from abuse like that as well! No it may not be physical abuse, but it IS a form of abuse and you don't need to be putting up with that. You deserve your happiness too.

Answer 3

I would've said to get a job and save up money and hide it from him save enough then leave when you have enough saved and don't look back but you can't do that since he won't let you leave at all. I suggest packing your things and going to a shelter for abused women or the salvation army. I know that sounds bad but it is alot better then getting abused and feeling like a prisoner in your own home. There are shelters that help you out so that you can get a job and find your own place. Leaving him may seem hard but how much more can you take of that crap. You need to leave him before he becomes even more abusive. He might try to keep you by saying he loves you and he won't ever hurt you again if he says anything like that or fake cries he is lying it is all a trap and don't fall for it.

Answer 4

If you want to leave your husband, tell you what to do. First, you see if you can ever get a hold of his bank records while he is at work. Copy them. Anything that refers to property that he owns, copy that (i.e. titles, deeds, etc.). If he cuts up your shoes, take pictures. Document everything! Go to a lawyer, tell them you want a divorce. Get your lawyer to help your file a report so he can't come within 50 feet of you and the house and change the locks. That way, while you are going through the proceedings, you will have somewhere to stay. I recommend you to get a bank account in your name. You have given this man too much power over your life and he knows it. He uses loss of housing as a way to keep you in line. You don't have to take that.

Answer 5

First off, leave. Go to the women's shelter or even some of the churches can help you find somewhere to stay. Get a job, anything is better than nothing. You are in this situation because you allowed him to control you. You are now property and the longer you allow this to go on the harder it is going to be for you to learn how to be your own person again. Go to one of the places that i suggested above, women's shelters generally have counselors, you can work through some of the mental and emotional issues there while you are getting on your own 2 feet. I wish you the best of luck and be careful, once you leave DO NOT go back. If you do, you may never get our again.

Answer 6

OK the male side. I am recently married to a beautiful woman since August 4th, 2006. The first 6 months of our relationship i did some of that, we fought about the computer because she spent time on it and i did too. It caused alot of stress in our relationship. I ended up trashing the tower one night in anger. I have also broke my hand by punchin a solid wood door. I took myself to anger management and got it corrected. well my wife kept complaining about how i treated her like **** and didnt show affection. well about 3 weeks ago she left me and moved everything out. during the 2 weeks we were split up i realized how much i had messed up and everything i had done to her. Sometimes it takes a man hitting rock bottom before he'll change his ways and realize everything. In no way am i saying leave him and do what my wife did but you might wanna consider Marriage counseling first step. Go to the sessions and talk about your problems and the counselor will be able to give you solutions and advice that will help out.
I have been attending Marriage Counseling for a couple months now through the Military and its also making me realize what i had done wrong. I can honestly say from a males perspective he thinks every is well and dandy and you will not leave him because he is "supporting you" but you want to support yourself. I'd sit him down talk to him heart to heart and suggest Marriage Counseling and maybe Anger Management. If he doesnt wanna compromise then do what you got to do.
Don't go out cheating on him, dont give him the fire power. If he wont compromise just simply tell him you want out and leave. If he threatens ya have the cops come over while you move stuff out. Don't let him intimidate you in any way.
I wish you luck and i do seriously hope everything works out because i went through it and we are now working things out and we are both happier than ever. Good Luck!

Answer 7

It's not just a matter of what you can do, but what you must do !!! You're too young to live the rest of your life like this.

Leave him ASAP. Leaving him to make a life of your own cannot be any worse than what you're enduring with him. This is not a healthy and mature marriage. He is immature and controlling.

I find it hard to believe that you don't have a single family member, relative, or friend that you can go to for help. Are you an orphan ?

Even if you don't have a single person to help you, you're still better off by yourself than with him. If you can, move out, get a job, and make a better life for yourself.

But please, don't exchange problems with one man for problems with another man. Living with someone, exchanging sex for room and board isn't the answer either.

Answer 8

First off you need to respect yourself more. You never should have let a man treat you like this but then again you were a child. Now you need to get in touch with a womans shelter, they will help you with protection,education and a job. Don't make matters worse by sleeping with someone for room and board like a common tramp. You are better than that.

Answer 9

You need to get out NOW! Because if you stay he is just going to escalate to physical abuse. Grab whatever you can go far away as humanly possible from him. Find a women's shelter. They will help you find a job and a place to stay. But for now just worry about GETTING OUT!

But before you do document everything you have if he has done damage to your property take pictures if there is any bank statements etc. copy them and go to the police.

Answer 10

There are always options, hon. Your husband is a control freak and abusive. Contact a local woman's shelter. They will help you get your own place with rental assistance, make sure you can finish school and help you with things like food and bills. They will also help you file for divorce. Good luck to you and get away from that jerk!