Any former strippers out there to give advise?

Question

Any former strippers out there to give advise?
My 21 yr old sister lost her mother a year ago, and has resorted to stripping and lives with a drug dealer. She has turned into a totally different person, and I dont know what to do, to help her. I know she is not happy, I have an open door policy that she can come stay with us anytime, she just cant seem to let go of this lifestyle. I think she wants to stop, but something is keeping her from being able to. I dont understand; I dont want to be judgemental; I am really worried about her- she is so skinny and covered in bruises, her boyfriend hits her, and she is so stoned all the time, I can barely have a conversation with her. She used to be a beautiful vibrant person, with goals and hobbies(horses, barrel racing, rodeoing) and now she cant even take care of her cat. What, if anything, can I do? I am not able to stand back, and watch her kill herself, so please dont tell me to.

She has no children.
The boyfriend came after the stripping(she met him in the club)
All the problems started when she began stripping
Before that she didnt use, barely drank, and I think all this is tied into the lifestyle.

Answer 1

This is a friend that used to be in that same situation and the only thing that helped me to overcome my addictions is hitting rock-bottom.
The thing you have to remember is that for an assist to get help is for that person to realize that they have a problem for there selves, I am not telling you to sit by and watch as she goes downhill , just that she has to see for herself that she has a problem and is in danger of her boyfriend. The only thing that I can say for right now is that for you to take action into your own hands and do so without her knowledge. DRUG INTERVENTION / FAMILY/ LOVE/ FRIENDS!!!!!!!


This is a friend of mine.

PEACE...

Answer 2

Why is your sister stripping? Does she need money for college, rent, bills, etc? Or is it to support a drug habit, and/or her boyfriend?
The lifestyle is addictive because it's easy money. It is hard to quit dancing and take up a "normal" job, where there is less pay and harder work.
Many dancers turn to alcohol for "liquid courage". Same with drugs. I know girls who have danced for years that are still afraid to get on stage.

The boyfriend needs to go. He is probably keeping her up in this lifestyle and supplying the drugs. It's not uncommon for an abused woman to lose self-confidence and feel like she can not do any better. Help her to find someone else...take her to somewhere social, introduce her to a single friend, or create a profile on a dating site.

If she is not in school, get some college brochures and help her find a course she might be interested in (equine veterinary studies?). Encourage your sister to find another, equally paying job. As a last resort...suggest that she finds a new club. Higher end clubs do not allow dancers to drink on the job or use drugs because it jeopardizes the club's license. Her environment would be more restricted.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

its really sad, it seems like she is way deep into the lifestyle too and she is probably taking heavier drugs, which would explain the weight loss. She is sure lucky to have you. I think you could begin by taking her out of her setting and invite her over for lunch or dinner, go pick her up, and let her know your concern. A question that got me results when working with troubled youth was: "Do I have a reason to be concerned about you?". Get her to admit it first. Normalize her situation by telling her that it is normal for people to have difficult times after a painful experience. As soon as she agrees to intervention or to change, make a specific and measurable plan. If she is addicted, lets get into a detox center, if she feels she could benefit from talking to a professional about bereavement, get her in with a counselor.
It is important not to make her feel judged, or that your are disappointed. Remember that any type of change is difficult and support her through her efforts to do better. Hope this helps a bit :)

Answer 4

Wow.
She tells you she's not happy? Well, at least she's able to see that much. Go with that. "I know you're not happy; why don't we try some counseling?" If she's willing to try counseling, then she might be open to rehab in the near future, too. That's what she's probably going to need to quit using.

I agree withh what some of the others above me have said: be there for her, continue checking on her, show her how concerned you are, and remind her of her happier, healthier years.

Start browsing around for local counselors and rehab centers so you can point your sister in the right direction when she's ready to get help.

As for this boyfriend that's beating her....wow. If she comes to you after he has hurt her again, STRONGLY encourage her to report him to the police. Remind her that people who REALLY love her are not going to ever hurt her and that this is wrong. Remind her that she deserves SO much better. However, if she's using drugs, she may be scared to get the police involved. Again, go with the counseling and rehab.

Best wishes for you BOTH. Good luck.

Answer 5

You can try and stage an intervention where a professional and your family confront your sister about how her lifestyle is affecting not only her, but the family as well. Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help you can talk till your blue in the face and it won't do any good. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You could also find the numbers and addresses for women's shelters in your area and see if she will go stay there. She might not want to come to your house because she is embarrassed about her life.

Answer 6

I had 2 good friends that became strippers. Unfortunately, it's not the act of stripping itself, but the lifestyle that they are surrounded by. The girls that are strong enough to just go to work and not get sucked in are few and far between.
Unfortunately, you can't change or fix her. She will probably have to hit rock bottom.
You have done the right thing by letting her know you are there for her. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sorry about your situation. First let her know she is loved and needed still. Show her that the life she leads is a dangerous one as in getting hurt, aids, HepB ect....And unwanted pregnancies. You are not being judgmental just concerned and scared for her safety. Take her to places she used to go and love, show her pictures of herself. Tell her about old times and what you think the Mother would say about this new life style. Dont put her down and her lifestyle at this moment it will only drive her away. Just be there for her and console her and tell her you know how bad she feels and you want to help her.

Answer 8

Strippers don't automatically become crack addicts or streetwalkers. Her lifestyle is directly a result of the person she's living with ...her boyfriend. He keeps her doped up and beats her because he wants to control her. He uses her to get money (stripping) and probably tells her she's worthless and a loser and all sorts of horrid stuff.

I hate to say it, but the only way she's going to get help is if SHE wants it, OR you want to be a total *****, and turn her in for drug use (get her arrested in other words, and then help get her into rehab), or get her boyfriend arrested for domestic assault...repeatedly. Till then, there's really nothing you can do but stand by with the proverbial broom and dustpan to pick up the pieces when she finally does self-destruct (or her loser BF kicks her out).

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to get some help and start an intervention program by getting her in rehab. Get her off the drugs and then work on the other issues. I don't think you ever get anywhere with any of the other issues if you don't get her clean first. Good Luck

Answer 10

she needs you too be there for her, during this difficult time.

I am not a former stripper, but I went through some pretty bad stuff.

My sister is my best friend and no matter what I did, she stood by me. Good or Bad.

I love her for it.

I am now married with an adorable child. I am as together as they get now. no one would have known what I did before, or even believe it.

Just be there for her.