How should I confront my cheating wife?

Question

A couple years ago I found out my wife was cheating. She hadn't had sex with the guy but had been considering it and we almost split up. Since then we've moved on and I thought it was behind us. I haven't completely trusted her though and have occasionally checked her email. Last week I found that she had slept with a guy at a conference and is now in email contact with him to continue this. I feel bad that I violated her privacy by checking her email but I also am upset that she is doing this and not sure what to do about it. How should I confront her and what should I do? I love her and I can't imagine not being with her, but I'm also very hurt by this and if she's done it a couple times I'm not sure I could trust her to not do it again in the future.

Answer 1

You can use the e-mails for evidence in confronting her. Or since you're on to her, it
should be an easy task to catch her in the act.
With video or pictures. If you feel guilty about the e-mails...

Answer 2

well i honestly think you should go get the divorce papers but dont show them to her just yet. I know you say you love her and all but i think you should move on. It seems as if she still wants to fool around. I'm sorry that your wife treats you like crap but you need to fix this problem. Print out all the emails between her and her lover and keep them in a safe spot w/the divorce papers. Now just ask her if theres anything she neglecting to tell you. and just point out a couple things for example guys in her life and things like that....im sure she will start to get mad but that just brings you up to the point that shes cheating on you....but always remember what goes around comes around...If you decide to leave her and then she hooks up w/another guy and that guy starts doing that to her then all you gotta say is i told you so and now you know how i felt. she cheated on you once and she cheated on you again don't let her do that to you ever again....all it will do is cause more and more pain....but at the same time this will some what make u a stronger person

Answer 3

Okay big boy, buck up. You checked the email. Deal with it. Tut tut...this is one of those times that you found out something you really didn't want to know because you couldn't leave well enough alone. Fact is, you'd probably already figured it out but you are one of those folks that can't believe their own gut and HAVE to just HAVE to have proof. You ask if you should confront her? Sure, go ahead. If she lies, you'll stay together, if she tells the truth, you'll stay together. You say yourself that you are not willing to let her go. And, don't expect her NOT to do it again, because she will...again, and again, and again. Oh, and yes, she is going to be really pissed that you checked her email with the INTENT of busting her. Besides being disappointed and upset at the obvious, what will all of this accomplish? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. What will it change? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Is she WRONG? Yes. No doubt.

Answer 4

Listen, first off print out the incriminating emails so she can't play dumb. Just throw it out there, and let her know that YOU know...you obviously cannot trust her, which is unfortunate, but you should not have to deal with worrying about her cheating. If you think it is worth saving then go easy, but it sounds like she needs to get a hard dose of reality. Follow your instincts, but I think she needs to get the heck out and you can move on. I know it's easier said than done, but you do not deserve to be treated this way, and unless you act now then she can continue her little escapades at your expense. Good luck, and I am sure you will make the right choice.

Answer 5

I believe the only time she thought about you was the first time she slept with whoever. After she crossed that barrier she never stopped, and never looked back again. You are no longer the team that you once were, in fact, you are " The Enemy" the one she has to aviod finding out her every move, the one she has to keep in the dark, and the one who had been the topic many times with complete strangers to you. She made you the odd man out, so you see there is little left here. There is one reason she probably did not leave you and that is money. If you are supplying her then she has a reason to hang on to you.
Remember though, in cheating there is only one way to know if you were sucessful or not. When you are approached, and of course deny it but once they approach you to " get it out in the open" they are really supplying you with information that what you did ...did not work since they found out bout it. Then you change it to make it harder for that person to find out in the future.
So to you this means are you going to give her the information she needs to know that you found out about this, or do you want to wait until you have more proof. If you feel you have all the proof you need then what do you want to come out of the confrontation - it won't erase the past, it could change the future. You see, if you are not prepared to separate then you have to learn to live with this, so might as well close your eyes to it all and just pretend.
If you intend to stop this at all cost, then you and her may very well be separated over this issue. Generally, cheating is one of the worst that can happen in a marriage. it generally ends in total separation or complete denial. Depends what you are willing to do as a result of these actions - think about that before any confrontation takes place.

If you really want to track her movements get a GPS and hide it in the car, then check the web to verify its location when she is out. This will tell you where she is but not why she is there - you'll have to figure that out. If she lies about where she was then you'll know.

I would not try to hang on to someone who cares so little for you that they disreguard you in this respect. I'd leave her not wait for her to leave me. I'd present her with so much proof though, and end it and move on. No one can take advantage of you unless " You Let Them."

For me I'd test her integrity to me to find out for absolute certain > then I'll know if I really move on at this point or try counciling.
Sit her down some day, look her straight in the eyes and say " Honey, i have something to tell you. I have cheated on you this past week ( or whatever is appropriate here)."
Concept : if she gets all primadonna on you bitching at you and all then you know its over. If she admits to you that she cheated then there i a part of her that still cares for you. if she suggest that you both get into counciling then you get her into counciling in an indirect way.
I would never say one word about the email though, because once you do she will change so you can't catch her in the future. If you say nothing you have at least that one method for keeping tabs on what is going on with her.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear that. I know its wrong of you for checking her email but its hard when you don't trust someone when they have been unfaithfull. Although, what she has done to you is worse. What makes you think if you confront her she will stop doing it again. You gave her a chance and she didn't care. Ifs not worth it to be living like that. I know you love her but keep in mind that you wont be able to trust at all know. Its hard to say you will live it the past. Do whats best for you but I would suggest to move on.

Answer 7

First, you need to print out the email and have that as proof. Then you confront her by asking her is she is still cheating on you and if she says," what are you talking about?" Then you pull out your proof and ask her how long this has been going on. You DEFINITELY can not stand for it though because if you do then she will continue to cheat and feel that she can get away with it. So either she stops immediately or you slap her with divorce papers and move on with your life.

Answer 8

First you need to either start imagining a life with out her or accept that she is going to cheat on you for the rest of your life. She keeps doing it, so apparently she does not value you, your feelings or your marriage.

Second, print out the email and hand it to her. I am a married woman, my husband can check my email anytime he likes because I have nothing to hide. Actually, my husband and I share an email account.

You wouldn't even be checking up on her if she hadn't already given you reason to doubt her.

There are women out there who value marriage and commitment and do understand how to be faithful.

Do not let her treat you like this! Nobody deserves to be treated like a door mat.

Answer 9

Trust has to be pretty much shot at this point. The only way I would consider staying with someone like that is if there were children whose lives would be adversely impacted by divorce - and even that would be based on how she reacts to your discovery of what she's done.

I'd talk to her about your discovery and see where her heart is in relation to your marriage. It doesn't seem to me she cares much about it, but I hope I'm wrong for your sake as I sense you would forgive her if you could do so feeling as though it wouldn't happen yet again.

P.S. I admire you for your forgiving heart.

Answer 10

Trust is really the issue here.

Don't worry about what you did to find out, that's all unimportant. Just tell her you know. Letting it continue isn't going to help anything

You'll either resolve it, or not. Trust is not easy to rebuild, and I would ask yourself if it's ok to be with someone who doesn't love you enough to care about how this affects you.

You sound like you want her to Love you, but it also sounds like she doesn't based on her actions.

Just tell her you know, how you know, and that it hurts you deeply. All truth.

A big mistake would be allowing her to convince you that she loves you out of guilt for what she's done.

Answer 11

First of all cheaters have no rights!!! She waived those when she lied, cheated and broke your heart. You have a right to protect your heart. And why the hell are you feeling bad about anything, she wasn't feeling bad when she was on her back! You allowed her to get away with it once. You didn't make it clear that you were not going to tolerate it and that's why she never stopped. Print the pages, show her. Stand up and be a man. She might not like it, but I bet she will respect you for it.