My dads wife is dying, how could she do this to him?

Question

my dad and his wife have been together for many years, before they got married my stepmother bought a bar and it was only in her name. she owed it for 2 years then my dad and her got married. she has cancer and the drs give her only a few months to live, so they sold the bar, my dad and her have been married for 10 years and the bar was still in her name when she sold it she put all of the money in an account so that my dad couldnt get to it. she is leaving the funds to her kids. my dad worked so much at the bar and put so much time and money into it too. can my dad do anything about this? its just wrong for her to do that to him.

sorry i should have said this, my dad is the one who came to me upset that she could even do that to him. i am not getting into the middle of it. i knew that if i asked you guys i knew you would know. he doesnt want the money it has just upset him how she did it. her kids are in their 30's and can take care of themselves. its my dad i am worried about. he is just hurt and angry at the same time. he has worked so hard.

thanks for all of your advise you guys are great!!!

also please understand that i do not need money nor do i want her money money. i just want my dad to be ok. i know he is a big boy and can take care of himself but he is my dad and i love him and i just worry.

Answer 1

First, your Dad may be okay with this. Honoring the dying spouse's last wish and all that.

But if he isn't, then he can file for divorce (or legal separation), and ask for the account to be merged into the marital estate, as the proceeds of a comingled asset/business.
And if the thought of divorcing a dying woman gives him pause, then obvioulsy the thought of screwing your Dad and you kids out of his money as her last act on earth didn't give her pause, did it?

Or, your dad can liquidate a same-amount asset, like a 401(k) or stock or a bank account, and put it in an account in HIS name. He doesn't need THAT money - he needs the same AMOUNT of money.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel. You are a good daughter concerned about the welfare of her father. But your father is a grown man and should know how to take care of himself. I am sure they had spoken about the situation regarding the bar and maybe, your Dad has been given his share throughout those ten years he worked at the bar. If he never asked to be a co-owner, nor asked for his rightful share when the bar was sold, then maybe he knows that is all he will ever get. Best leave it to them to decide things. You might be suspected of having vested interests in your father's share of the bar. Just give him a good hug.**

Answer 3

Does your dad really care what is going to happen with the money or are you just sticking your nose into this? If all those kids are getting is the money from the bar and nothing else this may be a fair trade as opposed to your father having to sell half of their belongings when she dies and give the children their half.
Your father chose to marry this woman, and they are still married. They chose to sell the bar, he never pushed having his name put on the bar. Maybe he is ok with all this.

Answer 4

Sorry but if she owned it before they were married then he has no ties to the sale of it, unless he can prove that he invested his own money and time after the fact.
Are you sure that he is the one with the problem with this decision or are you. She has every right to give this money to her own kids, she did invest in it and did put in a lot of time also.
Perhaps you should put aside your own distaste in this decision and ask your Dad if he has a problem with it. Most times there should be no issue with prior funds or property before marriage. I'm sure he also benefited from the business (house, car, groceries, utilities etc.) Money is the root of all evil, make sure your not making a mountain (of trouble) out of a mole hill.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this, but in many couples, the relationship become very different when it comes to childrens... Sometimes, the priority in the couple shift toward the child, instead of the other partner... She try to assure the survival or her childs, which is completely normal, while your father have lived his life... It is sad to say, but this is a very normal situation, and it happen to many couples, as many keep staying together for the kids, even when love has disapeared...

Answer 6

If the money is in an "account", and in her name or her name and her kids only, the only way there will be an effect is if it is in her will. If your dad is named in the will, he could get some of the funds if she just leaves part of the account to him. Dispersal will be up to the executor of her estate and funds will be subject to unpaid bills.

If it is in trust (account?) you'd have to go to court and try and prove fraud or some other malfeasance to break the trust.

Answer 7

When somebody dies, it's extremely tacky to worry about where their money goes. Try seeing it from the mother's point of view. Imagine if you were dying and all around you people were trying to get their paws on your money. Wouldn't you as a mother want to give it to your children so that they could be taken care of when you're not around? Quit being so selfish a woman is DYING!! Is money the only thing you can think of? If so then I hope you and your father get NOTHING.

Answer 8

My Aunt did that to my Uncle. She left all her money and insurance money to her kids from her first marriage. My Uncle supported her and paid ALL her medical bills for 3 years (no insurance) till she died of cancer. He had to pay for the funeral out of his pocket. The lawer said he could contest the will to pay for the remander if the medical bills out of the money but he never did.

I guess your dad could sue her before she dies for his half of the bar. Or contest the will after she dies. But if he waits till then he might get nothing.

Answer 9

It depends on what state she lives in. In California, for example, all property owned by either party automatically becomes joint property at the time of marriage. However, wills and pre-nuptial agreements can modify this. Your father can, of course, consult a lawyer, but he should keep in mind what impact this will have emotionally on himself, his wife, and the children. It may be better saved (emotionally) for after she dies, but that may also make the issue harder to resolve (legally).

Answer 10

You know, your dad could have spoken up if he had wanted to, and still can. He could ask her for a percentage of the account, if he wants. I have no idea what their arrangements were. It's entirely possible that he is in tacid agreement with the way it was set up and the outcome.