My husband won't help me clean the house.?

Question

why is it that he thinks that his job is the outside and the inside is mine. the inside is where we live not the outside. we fight so much because i ask to help me inside, then i can help him outside. i just feel that the inside is more important. why wont he help me?

Answer 1

It is about silly male dignity, your husband may have grown up in a family background, where female members are responsible for all the house works and male members just hang around in the house doing nothing.
Therefore, this may have caused him to think that it will be an insult to his dignity or being regarded as a sissy if he is required to do household work by you.
My silly ex-beau wont help me cleaned the flat, washed the plates and any household works when we were living together, I am glad we have separated a few months ago. It is nice to have the flat free of his stinking socks and the toilet free of his pee!

Answer 2

Well, you didn't give us all of the details required for a proper answer. You need to factor in all of the work that you do both around the house and at the office. Do you work or stay home? Do you both work the same number of hours? What kind of work do you both do outside the home? These are all important details that you failed to provide.

If he works 40+ hours a week, and you stay home and are supported by him, then you should pick up the majority of the housework, and he can take care of the few weekend yard maintenance chores.

If you both work, then the chores should be split, and perhaps you can come up with a list that outlines which jobs you'll handle and which ones he is responsible for, and it should be fair. There are probably a couple of chores that you lothe or physically can't do, and there are probably a couple that he hates. Those could probably be assigned, and the others you can switch of from week to week.

Answer 3

Welcome to reality of marriage. Women are expected to take care of the kids, clean the house, cook all the meals, do all the shopping, pay all the bills, be a on the spot healer, taxi driver, sex goddess, never get sick, and hold down a job as well. Men want to be taken care of but have the illusion of being the one in control that is overworked.

The best way that usually works, is go on strike. Don't do a thing in the house til he gets the clue. That's what I had to do. I have a friend who didn't even cook for a month and her man got the hint. We spoil them way too much don't we?! Most men love to do the outside work around the house. It makes them feel free and in control. Being inside the house doing the work confines them and makes them feel less than a man to do what they label 'women's work'.

Answer 4

omgosh, a lot of men are like this...there might not be any changing him with this, he might have his mind set on women doing the house work and men do the outside hard stuff...your probably the type of person who likes a clean house so you just do it anyways, maybe you should just try for a week and not do anything, none of his laundry, let him do it when he has no other choice but to...just sit ur behind on the couch all week or go out shopping or do something other than cleaning!! and see if there is any change in him, maybe there wont be, but this might do a little something? lol

Answer 5

I live with my boyfriend and its the same way. I do all the cleaning and the outside is his job but then he will make me help him outside too. LOL. I ask him to help me sometimes and he says no thats your job. We both work the same amount of hours too. This is how he is and I knew that before I moved in with him so I accept it. I like taking care of him and being in charge of the cleaning but I don't like helping outside. So basically I think you cannot change him but you can see if he will do some things like cook. My boyfriend does do a lot of the cooking so that makes up for it. Decide for yourself what makes you happiest. Taking care of your man can be good, trust me.
Ciao, Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Don't be offended, but he was raised in the atmosphere that inside is "woman's work." Outside is okay because it looks "manly" to be mowing or painting or repairing the roof.
Instead of fighting, why not just sit down and talk it over calmly? Maybe offer him a sexual reward for helping you around the house. I don't know too many guys who'd pass that up.

Answer 7

Try what I tried. Quit cleaning up after him. Don't do his laundry. Cook only for yourself. Wash only your dishes. If you have two bathrooms start using the other on and keep it clean, leaving his dirty. But at the same time go out side and cut the grass in the front yard leaving the back for him.

If he does like my husband did he will get REALLY pissed. Just look at him and let him know marriage is a partnership. And tell he can figure that out, then he can do his half and you can do yours.

Don't expect magic though. I still can't get my husband to pick up his nasty socks and underware. And he WON'T fold clothes. Either I fold them are he shoves them in a drawer. (His mother's fault! She doesn't iron or fold. She puts everything on hangers)

Answer 8

Don't worry, your guy is not the only one who doesn't help with the task in home, but you should talk to him, not fight with him about it, give him the reasons that you have to clean the inside first and sooner or later he'll understand. or trade a week with him, you do the outside and let him do the inside, so he'll know that "that is a hard work too"
good luck!!

Answer 9

Ih he thinks this way, it will be very hard getting him to understand your point of few. One suggestion is this... help him with they yard and then he will begin offering his assistance in the house. This is actually funny, because I wont help my husband in your yard, but he will help in the house. He understands why I wont help in the yard though. It is because I dont like outdoors. I was stung by a nest of bees once, so hanging outdoors is out for me. But I did help him pour gravel around the trees a few months ago though. He was so happy because he saw that as a sacrifice.

But ask him one day, while he is in a good mood, if he would just help you with the laundry or something. Tell him it would be a good time for the two of you to just spend some time together and discuss some things. Men are unpredictable. One day he will just start helping!!!!

Answer 10

Pick your battles wisely! Every disagreement shouldn't be an argument! We (women) have too many emotions for men to handle so choose the problems that bug you most! If he helps you with the inside you'll probably have to go behind every thing he does because he's not going to do it how you would. I say you include garbage emptying and replacing garbage can bags to his outside duties and enjoy the quiet time while he's outside!