Im pregnant and in love with my babys dad, he left a while after he found out i was pregnant, we kept some contact, and we slept together some times.He says he dont love me and dont want to be with me,but he wants to be part of our baby life. a year ago I nearly destroyed my life when he left me, now things are getting worse and worse everyday and i keep on texting him and calling him, and i cant stop.He says im obsessed with him, but im not, im just in love and i cant control my feelings.Usually he is ok but can get very nasty, and when i text him a lot he gets really mad I want to be with him, but im doing everything wrong, i should hate him but i cant, can you guys help me?
Only answer if is to help me if not dont bother.
Thanks
2007-04-24 05:45:06 · 26 answers · asked by cc 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It would appear that the only choice is to either love both you and the child because you both are together and it would seem that you and the child would come as a package in that you both either need to be both accepted or both rejected.
2007-04-24 05:51:51 · answer #1 · answered by syntaxlexicon 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
You need to grow up and fast. You will be having a child soon. One that will look to you for everything it needs. Are you ready for that? It doesn't seem so to me.
Right now you seemed to be obsessed with this guy. He has told you and demonstrated to you how he feels. Calling him and texting him etc. will only annoy him and drive him further away.
You can't MAKE someone love you. I'm sorry but that is the truth. So you have to accept it and then decide if you want him in your babies life. That will be hard...because he will not be your husband or your lover or your boyfriend. He will be the babies father and nothing more. So, start thinking about your child for a change and decide what is best for him/her.
If you decide the baby should know his/her father then discuss that with him and stick to it. Nothing else!!! You don't have to hate him, and you can even llove him but as your babies father. I think you could use some counseling so ask your Dr. if there is some organization that offers that and I'd go. Some charge only what you can afford. Others are free...but they would help.
Good Luck to both of you...your baby and you
2007-04-24 05:52:55 · answer #2 · answered by whaleaway 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You cannot force someone to love you or want to be with you. As someone who has been on the receiving end of a person who behaved like you, I know how he feels. My ex and I didn't have a child but when I ended it he nearly drove me mad with excessive contact and tearful phone calls. Take heart in the fact that he wants to be a part of his baby's life and step back a bit. If you really love him you will stop making his life hell. Take all that love you have and give it to your child who will really need it, and who will love you in return. Focus on the baby, prepare to be a mum, keep busy decorating a room for the baby and getting yourself ready for its arrival. If you pull youself together then your baby's dad will be more accepting of you. Good luck.
2007-04-26 03:23:11 · answer #3 · answered by Shona L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously the people who answered you up to the point I read have never been pregnant. You are not rational at this time- I suggest that whenever you feel like calling him you just write down everything you want to say-DO NOT CALL OR CONTACT HIM IN ANY WAY! and do call a therapist because the bastard has used you up and thrown you out and that is something you will need to work thru DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM EVER AGAIN--he is using you! Maybe you love him maybe you just think you love him either way it hurts alot and stress during pregnancy is not good avoid the guy as much as you can during pregnancy and talk to a therapist and write instead of calling or texting
2007-04-24 06:11:56 · answer #4 · answered by suan b 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need a counselor and I mean immediately! You definitely are being obsessive and you already know you are suicidal. I think you need medication as this is not just a love-rejection problem.
Yes, you love him. But, you are also obsessing over him. As you said, you keep on texting and calling and you CAN'T STOP. And when you can't get the answer you want, you do it more and more, and become more anxious all the while. This is NOT "just in love and can't control your feelings". Don't fool yourself. You really, really need to get professional help.
2007-04-24 06:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everyone seems to have given you some good advice. I found myself in a situation similar to yours a few years ago.
I was pregnant, with my child Kayleigh. I was alone and afraid.
I also thought I was madly in love with my child's father, Nick.
We never really were "together" before I got pregnant so I never should have expected him to all of a sudden 'love' me, want to be with me and also to fix everything. I was just afraid and I convinced myself that he was who I wanted and needed. I stalked him like you are doing. He'd get mad ..tell me to leave him alone...I eventually drove him so far away that he didn't want anything to do with me or my child. That was just wrong. When I look back now I just want to kick myself for being so self-centered and stupid. I love Kayleigh so much.
I wish he could know her as I do. I let him know I had the baby and I havent heard from him since. I don't really blame him either. I'm dating a great guy now. I think he loves me and Kayleigh. I'm taking it slow and getting to really know him and myself in the process. I'm happy something I never thought I would be.
So...think about what I did maybe you'd like to do something differently. Just know one thing...Your baby is who needs you and start loving him or her you will never ever find a love like that.
Good luck
2007-04-24 06:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry but I think you are obsessed with this man. You call it love, an yes you probably are in love with him but if he doesn't love you back then texting and calling him all the time is not going to make him fall in love with you, what your going to end up doing is pushing him further and further away and then he wont be around for your baby when its born which im sure is the last thing that you want.
My suggestion (and you probably aint going to like it) Is to back off and leave him alone, let him get on with his life and you get on with yours, you never know there could be someone else out there 10 times better than the bloke your obsessing over now, who will love you back and then you will realise how silly you have been with your past realationship.
seriously leave it alone its not doing either of you any good.
2007-04-24 05:54:09 · answer #7 · answered by Jo. 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I know exactly what you are talking about. I've been there. God is the only real help I can suggest so please take your baby and go to church. You will find good people who will help you. I survived for about 5 years renting rooms in peoples houses with my child. It was so hard I don't know how I survived! Prayer is powerful. Once my babysitter prayed for me and in one day a lady gave me a check for $50.00. I was working in a pet shop. She just said God told her to do it. That same day another lady handed me $20.00 when I tried to give it back she gave me $10.00 more! I was dumbfounded! Anyway, I know money isn't really what you need. I'm just trying to show you the power in prayer. Mine and my son's life is very blessed today. My son has his own room and a dog! His father has been off drugs for a year...yet we are not back together and I'm not with anyone else...I'm realizing God's plans for us might not always be what we had in mind... but if we trust him we will be FINE! Stay strong being needy is probably the #1 thing scaring your child's father off (you already know he loved you enough to make a baby with you!) Focus on your child. Stay busy and PRAY! God Bless You and your baby! Listen to Dr. Laura weekdays on the radio 6.40 AM noon to 3, it helps me!
2007-04-24 06:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by QuantumB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry for what your going through right now! I know you probably won't want to hear this, but this guy is telling you he doesn't want a relationship with you , but wants to be in the baby's life. Bothering him all the time will not help. It will only drive him further away to the point where he won't want to be around you at all! Right now just consentrate on your baby and when the baby is born let him be in the baby's life. Maybe after spending time with you and the baby he will change how he feels and want to be with you, but don't count on it! Your are going to be a mother , your life will change alot and you will have to put what the baby needs before what you want! Don't alienate the father, your are so lucky he wants to be a part of its life, there are alot of father that don't! Good luck to you!
2007-04-24 05:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by fatbrat64 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
The father of your child obviously doesn't want to be with you. However, it is admirable that he does want to be there for his child. You need to put aside your wants and desires and focus on the matter at hand; the innocent child that the two of you are brining into the world. You owe it to the child to provide a stable and healthy environment, both before and after it is born. Stop texting him; he obviously has moved on - you have to also. Move on to the next step of your life, being a mother to that baby.
2007-04-24 06:07:16 · answer #10 · answered by Mugg 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It just takes time, in the beginning it is hard to let go, but after time it will get better and better and eventually you can move on. Bothering him with texts and calls will only piss him off and make him like you less. He says you are obsessed because you can't control yourself from texting and calling him.
Try this, Don't text him or call him for a day.......... if you don't make it a day then try it again until you can make it a day without doing it.......... then once you accomplish that try going 2 days and then 3 and so on until you don't feel like you have to anymore, only to let him know how the baby is and things like that.
Again time is the only thing that helps you just have to be willing to let go and let time go by........... it will get better trust!
2007-04-24 05:57:44 · answer #11 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋