If someone can give me some insight on open marriages it would be a great help. All insight is good wether it be bad or good. If anyone knows of any chat groups on this subject it would be helpful as well.
2007-04-24 05:06:56 · 9 answers · asked by Wanda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I've been with my wife for 31 years, and it's been an open relationship for that long.
Research done over a 10 year period with about 200 couples has shown that there was little difference in relationship longevity between closed and open relationships. This looked at monogamous, swinging, and polyamorous relationships.
That said, to improve your odds (whether open or closed) communication is key to all relationships and hypercritical for open relationships. Look up polyamory - it will give you a great deal in terms of tools and interpersonal aspects to keep in mind in a poly relationship.
The three key issues needed for success in an open, and especially a poly, relationship is Communication, Honesty, and Openness. If either of you are intensely jealous by nature, it's not likely to work. Jealousy and NRE (new relationship energy) can be dealt with, but it has to be done openly and honestly. If you keep it inside, it will come out in a bad way.
As for STDs. 60% of men cheat, 40% of women do. Since cheating, by it's very nature is secret and a violation of the rules, care about catching an STD is low. Swinging and Poly are both VERY conscious about protection and testing. As such, they tend to get fewer STDs than married couples - since married couples have a 76% chance of infidelity occuring during the relationship. I'm poly and I've never had an STD in my life. I'm now 52.
Most poly folk have less partners, total, in their lives than most monogamous people - given most monogamous people practice serial monogamy (marry, divorce, repeat), puncuated with occasional infidelity. Most poly people keep their loves and get to a point of lover saturation so get no more.
I know a great many poly and swinging couples. Most have remained together for many years. In my experience, they have greatly exceeded the 50% marriage survival rate that the general population experiences.
2007-04-24 05:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is what some people call a lifestyle. I have read some thing about it. and I will try to stay open minded while answering your question... since I have friends years ago that did this...
It is a balance of trust I am assuming and a strong marriage to stay together after doing something like this. It may fix what someone missed years ago. But in the long run it might wear you down.
I would assume that discovery should be in the bedroom between you two, but you should also take into account that maybe you havent done everything that a couple could do.
Try a bit of role playing, maybe even discuss what could happen as a result of this.. Some couples that you may become involved with may not have a strong marriage and try to break up your own...
My friend from years ago..she is now divorced..found out that her husband forced her to do this a a condition of saving a marriage..not good..
If you are considering this...discuss it with your wife, throughly so that you have rules guildlines and the love that goes with it all...
I hope that was the middle of that path for the question..
2007-04-24 05:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In general, most studies do not support open marriages as viable for the majority of couples who have practiced it. Jealousy and one partner not completely in agreement in the first place were the principle reasons stated on a program I saw last year.
Swingers are more common and seems to work for a lot more couples as they join clubs rather than form individual relationships. I personally wouldn't tolerate either of these, but I know some swingers and they are not dangerously immoral folks.
2007-04-24 05:23:54 · answer #3 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It works for some people. Honestly, after attempting it with my husband, I honestly don't understand HOW it could work with people who aren't at least somewhat selfcentered. That's not being nasty about anyone, just something that I have noticed myself.
Next, I'm going to ask about marriage in general.
Are you already married?
If so, what commitment did you intend to make? Are you breaking that commitment? Why?
If not, why bother getting married? What commitment(s) are you expecting to make and have made to you in terms of what marriage is beyond the legalities and religious ceremonies (be they christian, hindu, pagan, or whatever.)
Is it possible that there is trouble in your marriage or relationship that is behing hidden because this aspect of the symptoms is easier to "deal" with?
I have been there... Please feel free to email me if you have questions or want to discuss this perspective further.
2007-04-24 05:24:55 · answer #4 · answered by realpaganwoman13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The couple I know that had an open marriage is now divorced. The green eyed monster got them.
2007-04-24 05:21:34 · answer #5 · answered by Girly1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you are considering an open marriage, think again.
i know two couples (and their children) who had open marriages and were also into swinging.
it didn't take long for everyone in their worlds to find out they had an open marriage and were swinging.
ALL of their children are terribly ashamed and embarrassed of their parents.
people in the community referred to the wives as sluts and ho's and the husbands in terms such as "disrespectful pig".
if you haven't any dignity left, this is a good way to live your life...
2007-04-24 05:12:45 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
if handled properly can be fun email me directly if u want to chat more on this
2007-04-24 05:14:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah.. it's called stay single
2007-04-24 05:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by RUNINTLKT 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
yo! your wife told you to bring back some STP for the car, not STD !
2007-04-24 05:10:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋