We talked about it already, and his excuse is he doesnt want to "hurt me or the baby" i have told him that is not the case. It makes me feel unwanted and frustrated, i dont know if im just being too selfish but i dont think its fair that now that im pregnant he shows no interest in me in a sexual way., i've NEVER been the type to ask for it, so i feel silly doing it now. any advice. thanks.
2007-04-24 04:53:58 · 41 answers · asked by Bree-ana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get the doctor to tell him that his fears are unfounded. In this day and age, I don't know where men get that notion.
Also, get the book 'What to Expect when you are Expecting' it will tell him the same thing.
It could be an excuse. While lots of men find preg women attractive, some don't. And for the record, you are not selfish.
2007-04-24 04:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
I'll be honest with you. Some men find pregnant women's body repulsive. Let's face it, a huge belly that is on the way will turn off anyone. I know that is not what you wanted to hear but is the TRUTH. The "I don't want to hurt the baby" is just an excuse, the truth is he is turned off by the pregnancy. Do not hold that against him, men are visual creatures AND i'M SURE THAT HE'S STRUGGLING WITH THIS.
I suggest for you to do other things on him, blinfolding and stimulating him while watching movies. You are going to have to settle for that until the baby is born or else overcome your fear and ask him, there is not shame in asking your spouse for some TLC.
Good luck
2007-04-24 05:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Al right I've read the great advice so far and thought I'd chime in.
I had a real problem having sex with my wife when she was pregnant with my first child. It just felt weird to me as if the baby was watching. Yes I know I was an idiot but you can't help the way you feel. Eventually I did get over it and we had a very fulfilling sexual relationship when she was pregnant. Some guys are really freaked out by it, I don't know why. You need to basically show him its the same, just the positions need to be a little different.
Ask away, show him that its ok. Really show him ...wink wink..nudge nudge... After you do it the first time, he'll get right back into the groove... I know I did...good luck ...
2007-04-24 05:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he just doesn't find the big stomach attractive. Men need to be able to get aroused in order to have sex or it just doesn't physically work, and maybe the belly is keeping him from getting aroused. It's not your fault, but it's not his either. He may be using the excuse about hurting you because he feels bad about it, but he has no control over it. I've heard of some guys that didn't want to have sexx with their pregnant wives because it just wierded them out, because it would mean putting their penis close to their child. It felt to them like they were doing it in front of their kid, even if the kid was oblivious of it. There are many reasons that he may not want to do you right now, and many of them may be embarassing to him. Just give him some time.
I'm sure that once the baby is born, he'll be ready to go.
2007-04-24 05:22:04 · answer #4 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is a relationship based on sex! No
If he is uncomfortable with the idea of poking the little guy in the head than you should respect his feelings. I'm sure when you say no interest, that is exagerrated. Did he say honey I don't love you, (this is the relationship part) or are you just feeling that. I'm sure that he married you for more than your body, so relax give him a break. There will be plenty of time to re-engage in physical activity after baby is born. So unless he is going elsewhere its time to just cuddle up & enjoy each others company.
jmaho
2007-04-24 05:16:55 · answer #5 · answered by freshex2001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although "not wanting to hurt the baby is a fear" it is not a one that has in basis. Don't just blow off his fear- fears can dictate how we act or do not act. Have him read about the issues. After that start out by engaging in acts that don't involve intercourse. Good old fashioned petting has its appeal for both men and women. After a few times of getting each other off you can progress right up to the big act. One key factor might be how did you relate before the pregnancy? Did you have reg sex? Were there times that you did other things that helped release the tensions but weren't intercourse? Things can't change without talking about this and I think a good time to talk about it would be during the "pillowtalk" time that can then lead to something right away.
2007-04-24 05:07:33 · answer #6 · answered by Ice man 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may be unattracted to the pregnant woman's body or the additional weight. Some men are and you can't hold that against him. If this is the case get creative, if your open for some alternative stimulation, consider getting some pron, blind folding him, lights out ******** and/ or doggy style. But first, talk to him about it. Don't make it all about you - he may be really struggling with this issue and doesn't want to hurt you. Listen to him and work together for a solution. You can also take care of yourself, if you are familiar with self-pleasing techniques. The other alternative is to go without sex and explore other loving joys...walks in the part, massages, reading the same book, going out to eat, etc.
2007-04-24 05:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by Aatheartist 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband didn't want to have sex after the baby started kicking. He said he was afraid that he would hurt the baby or me. So I set him straight - I'm a nurse so he believes what I say when it's related to the medical field. I explained that he won't hurt the baby and that if he hurt me I'd let him know but that I doubted he would.
Our sex life resumed after that.
I would get online and find a respectable site that tells him that it's okay to have sex and show it to him.
And I would tell him that sex makes you happy, and being happy is very good for the baby.
2007-04-24 05:01:35 · answer #8 · answered by Kaliee 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try talking about what his reason is. You may find out that he is scared to hurt you. Having sex during pregnancy is fine. You may have to adjust your positions in order to find comfortable ones for both of you. It is safe for the baby. There is no need in worrying about hurting the baby.
Try adding some sensuality to the mood. Feeling sexy while pregnant can be done. Get creative.
2007-04-24 05:00:26 · answer #9 · answered by xoxodolphin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you guys can try it out and he can go slow and if it hurts or is uncomfortable then you can tell him. I would think it would be hard for a guy to go that long. Not to make them sound bad but i know that I couldn't go that long without it. People do it all the time and I remember my Doc. even said that we could do it all the way up until I had my daughter. As long as he's not rough it should be fine. And if he still doesn't want to then you guys could always do other things. Like oral.
2007-04-24 05:05:34 · answer #10 · answered by ktychaos13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your baby is well protected in the womb. It would not hurt the baby at all. Some men are just turned off by pregnant women.
You NEED to entice him. If you're married and you feel silly asking for sex, that's just stupid. If you want it, ask for it! Let him see that pregnant women can be sexy too.
2007-04-24 05:00:51 · answer #11 · answered by veesmom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋