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I have 2 step sons aged 14 and 15 and a step daughter aged 16. Everything was allright until my stepdaughter turned 16. A sudden change her behaviour sadden me. She became rude towards me and loose all her manners. I tried talking to her but she just turn away and just ignore. I know im not her real father but she could just at least show her respect. i got no one to turn to to express my sadness. cause every time i tried to bring up this issue with my wife, i would end up being the one to blame. its like i cant even voice out anything about the kids. im so sad. i know its her kids but i treated them like mine. i showered them with love and never once i regard them not like my own. most of the time my wife and i argued is always because of the kids. nobody respects me now. im so sad. sometimes i feel like running away but i cant. i love my family. i love the kids. and i love my wife deeply. im so confused. what should i do. im going crazy...

2007-04-24 04:25:19 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

33 answers

Do NOT take it personally and don't let it affect your relationship with your wife. She is 16 and would treat you the same even if you were her bio dad (I was the same with my father). You need to talk with your wife and let her know you need to be treated with respect by your step-daughter just like ANY adult needs to be treated no matter if they are step parents, real parents, or the neighbor. But definitely do not take it personally.. girls at that age think the world revolves around them and all you can really do is be there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to. But demand the respect you deserve as an adult. They are not just HER kids.. she married you and you took on the responsibility so she needs to make sure they show you the respect you deserve.

I am remarried with two sons, two stepsons, and one son with my new husband. I would NEVER let my sons disrespect my husband and his two boys would not even think to do such a thing. But we have boys.. girls are more difficult as teenagers and I wish you the best of luck.

2007-04-24 04:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by Tink 5 · 0 1

That's what you get for a packaged deal.

It is NOT your problem. It's your wife's. The more you try to be their father, the worse it will get. I think these kids want their father. You cannot replace him no matter how hard you try. Just step aside and let your wife handle it. She should find their father to play a more active role.

All teenagers at that age believe they are mature and have their own idea of right or wrong. They generally rebel against authority and parents anyway. They use the excuse that you have not real authority because you are not their father. No point in forcing it. The downside is that if your wife doesn't do what is right, she will create more distance between the 2 of you.

2007-04-24 05:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0 0

This happens to most parents of 16 year old girls. You should feel honered that she is treating you like her father! Kids this age don't get their drivers license by accident. She is branching out, becoming her own person, trying on different hats. You need to take a quiet moment and talk to her about respect. Tell her that you will respect that she's discovering who she is if she will respect house rules about rudeness. Let her know that you are there for her, always, good, bad, no matter what. I heard an author say that at this age, parents become more of a consultant and less of a manager. Be there for her to consult with but don't try to manage her life. Find ways to support who she's becoming. You and your wife should really have house rules to avoid the chaos of 3 teens in the house. Give your stepdaughter the love and respect she needs and I promise you at some point, she'll totally get it. This is a phase. See it as a temporary thing and continue to love and support her.

2007-04-24 04:49:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

16 as a therapist once told me is the age when all kids have a God given right to try and spread their wings. It has nothing to do with you being a step-dad... if you are the type of step-father you say you are. It is just being a teenager. Don't you remember being that age. How you hated everything and everybody and you already had all the answers to every question in the world lol. I remember how I was at that age. Still it is not easy. I suggest going to a therapist someone you can talk to and who is not emotionally involved. That way you will get a fresh prospective. Good luck.

2007-04-24 05:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by stormy74115 1 · 0 0

You need to have a talk with your wife and tell her that you love her but are not willing to put up with her children's behaviors. If they cannot respect you they they cannot live in your home, they can go live with their fathers. I have 4 boys, I was married 2 times before I met the husband I am with now. I have been with him for 17yrs and he has no biological children. But my boys know and have always known that they WILL respect my husband or they know where the door is. My boys are now 23,21,20 &18 and they consider my husband there real father. They know their other fathers, but love only my husband. Their choice. As a matter of fact, they take his side over mine all the time. That is because they were always made to respect him. You need to get ahold of this problem right now, and if your wife is not willing to work with you, then she does not deserve you. You cannot send these kids mixed messages. They need to get the point right away and you both need to stand firm and obide by your decision.

2007-04-24 04:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by lily_florance 3 · 1 0

it sounds as if you really love your family...

you could let your step daughter know you would like to continue having a good relationship with her, and ask her what you can do to make things better between the two of you....

perhaps your step daughter is going through a time where she is seeking her independence, and trying to break away from the apron strings. this could be an issue, too... i remember becoming a little rebellious when i was growing up.

you have to respect YOURSELF, too. don't let people walk all over you.... and if you find yourself arguing with your wife about the kids, you might let her know you would rather not argue, but would like to find solutions instead? maybe that would help.

sorry you're sad... running from yourself never solved a problem.

i hope you get some good answers here.... and that things work out.
take care

2007-04-24 04:35:34 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1 1

You need to talk to your wife. then together the two of you sit these over aged rude kids down and say hey This is going to stop. Ther eis not room for rudness in a family that is trying to work.
Kids around that age are rude in general not all of em but a lot are. NIP IT IN THE BUD NOW.... before it gets out of control and cost you your wife, as well as the relationship with the kids.

2007-04-24 04:32:41 · answer #7 · answered by Peggy C 4 · 2 0

This is the toughest time for anyone to try to make sense out of kids. Not just you but your wife too, and I'm sure she is frantic to keep them safe and doesn't know what to do, but when you bring it up, you just make her feel that she can't even handle her own kids. The best thing you can do is back off and let her handle them. Give her the space to be able to come to you and she will. Then just back up her decisions.
The kids will, in time age out of some of the changes, and a little patience now will go a long way toward making a future relationship good with them.
Just continue to love them and keep quiet. Its hard but it pays off in the long run.

2007-04-24 04:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by justa 7 · 0 2

Sweetheart, do not take this to heart. easier said than done, but you have to know that this is typical teenager behavior.

She is not a baby anymore and she will be ashamed of her parents, be hateful toward anythingg that moves, think that she know everything, contest authority, play one against the other etc,. etc. etc. This is expected from a girl her age. Let her mother handle her. A woman should know how to handle estrogen more than you do.

You can relate more to the boys, so let mother handle her, soon she'll be off to college and out of the house, just be loving and supportive, and do not push any situations. There are plenty of self-help books in the market that will give skills to cope with a house full of teenagers.

Good luck

2007-04-24 04:44:35 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1 1

You view these kids like they are your own, and rightfully so. My question to you is, would you put up with this type of behaviour from a biological child of yours?

You are the father here, start putting your foot down and get back the respect you deserve. Stop letting everyone walk all over you....if you don't do something about it now, it will only get worse with time.

2007-04-24 04:34:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

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