We've been married for 4 years and have 2 small children and my husband has cheated 4 times, he has a drug and alcohol problem so he's never cheated sober, he's been drunk everytime, but that's no excuse. This last time the girl ended up pregnant and she's sure it's his and is keeping it. He says he don't want anything to do with it, which don't bother me at all. I'm now on prozac for depression and anxiety and things seem to be getting better but I still don't know what to do about this situation. I love him to death but I can't deal with any of this anymore, I don't want to leave him but if he continues his ways, I don't think I have a choice but to leave, but what about the kids? I don't want to take them away from their dad, who they love very much and I love him too, it's just too much and it scares me to think of what will happen if he drinks again, he may be going to jail in June for a DUI, I think it could be good though bc it will give him a chance to think about his life.
2007-04-24 03:42:54 · 24 answers · asked by poopykins81 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The other women don't want to cause any problems with us, she don't care if he don't want anything to do with the baby. I can't afford to take care of 2 kids myself, we can barely make it now! My husband had a rough childhood with a mom who was married 5 times and step-dads who beat him, he's had a rough life and I don't want to give up on him like his own family has! He suffers from bi-polar and his therapist told him he may be suffering from post tramatic stress from his childhood. Our kids are the happiest kids you'd ever meet and spoiled rotten! He doesn't or would never do anything to hurt his kids and for the DUI he failed his field test bc his eye twitched! he blew a .09 and .08 is the legal limit (like one beer) Everyone with him swears he only drank 3 and he wasn't drunk! I don't drink and I don't do drugs, I take care of my kids the best I can and everyone I know says we are doing a great job!
2007-04-24 04:29:24 · update #1
Wait and see what happens with the dui. You need to make a good life for you and your kids. Thats most important. Think about that and this answer will come to you more easily. No one can tell you to leave or stay, this is your life, but now you have 2 small children in the mix and must think about what is best for them.
2007-04-24 03:58:26 · answer #1 · answered by Elvira 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you were a little girl growing up, did you dream about being in this situation? Or did you dream about a man that would love and respect you, who would be there for you when things were back, who would be a good role model to your childer?
I have never met you and I don't know anything about you or your husband, but what I do know is that you deserve better than this.
What you are describing sounds like a living hell. I understand when you are saying I love him to death, but are your really saying that you are ready to spend the next 15 years of your life with a two timing drug addict?
Do you think that you deserve so little?
You have two childer from this man and you say he loves them dearly but I can tell you from a man's point of view that any real man would stand by his other kid's. Even if they happoned outside of marrage. It's not the kids fault after all.
You cannot stay with a man just for the sake of the childer, if he is a real man you leaving him may make him change his life arround and get clean.
I suspect he probably loves you but I also think he loves other women and drugs more than you.
When he was driving DUI were your kids with him? Or is he the kind of man that would run over other peoples childern and not his own?
Being depressed is a spiral staircase, the prozac will help you feel better but they will not make the reason why you are un-happy go away.
You need to put yourself first, your kids second and him last.
Move on you sound like a great mum and one day you will meet a man that will truly love you as much as you love him.
2007-04-24 04:04:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have lost your identity to nurture him. You are excusing so much pain he is causing you because facing the truth (that he is wreckless, cruel and careless of your feelings) would make you sad. Start focusing on yourself. Demand that if he wants things to work he will get into counseling and AA and be committed to change. You have put up with far too much and let him knock your self esteem so low that you cannot even see that there are better people out there that will love and respect you. Boo hoo on his childhood. Does his cruelty to you give you a free pass to treat him like crap as well? Stop being his savior and nurturer while he walks all over you!
2007-04-24 08:34:19 · answer #3 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are going to raise some really screwed up kids if you dont get them out of this situation. Do you really want them to know that they have a 1/2 sibling while daddy was married to mommie and she stayed. There is no way that I would allow my kids to be in this situation. not to mention the drugs and alcohol. Think about the future adults that you are raising and what morals you would like for them to have and get your stuff and do the right thing
2007-04-24 03:48:40 · answer #4 · answered by mama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not exactly role model material, now is he? Is this the behavior you deem appropriate to exhibit to your own children? The baby, if in fact is his, is innocent and deserves as much of his love and attention as your own. Drinking does not excuse cheating...drunk or not we all know it is wrong. He knows you will do nothing about it so it will not change. As for the DUI, he deserves his time in jail and I doubt it will change him unless he really wants to change. You need to move out and move on to give your children the best life you can offer them, which won't be found where you are,
2007-04-24 03:59:16 · answer #5 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has a drug and alcohol problem I wouldn't want him around my children at all. He will never quit cheating as long as you stay with him. You need to leave him and get a divorce. BC this child that might be his, if it is, will be a problem for you in the future from child support and other costs that the courts will make him pay and you don't need that stress.
2007-04-24 03:51:57 · answer #6 · answered by b25oomer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love him, then get him in a rehab. Your kids are being cheated out of a normal childhood and living in these conditions are changing who they would have been forever! I can't even say enough about the love child! That poor baby gets to grow up without a father because his father could care less that he made him. You people are such prizes. I include you because you allow your children to be raised in this atmosphere and could care less about a tiny innocent baby. Shame on all of you.
2007-04-24 04:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TUFF love is the hardest thing to do, but well worth the effort. Your right, he needs to goto jail or get into AA. Alcholism kills everything around it! if you do not demand that he get the help he needs, you are going to have to leave, get a lawyer and make arrangements that if he is to see his children, he must be tested sober first! You can talk to your children and explain that their Daddy is sick and is going to get help so that he feels better again. Children are resilient and learn from example! Stay strong and turn to God for strength and guidance. it will take time, but your end result could be a miracle waiting to happen - I will pray for you and your family!
2007-04-24 04:02:27 · answer #8 · answered by martiek7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself this.."if your son or daughter was in the same situation, what would you tell them to do"..You are the example and role model ..so act like one...sticking it out for the kids sake is only teaching them that this is ok..and its not. You have to think of your children first and they need more stability than that!..With drugs and alcohol in their life...they will end up going down the same road as their daddy if you dont get them out of that situation..
2007-04-24 03:58:10 · answer #9 · answered by jbe2176 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you found yourself a winner!! Why is it taking u this long to get rid of him, how many more times u gonna let him cheat on you??? He did this to himself so u need to take the kids and get out. Hes making u crazy and depressed and theres no need for it. How do u love someone who treats u so badly and could careless about you?? I don't get it, does anyone know what the word "LOVE" really means????????
2007-04-24 04:37:07 · answer #10 · answered by NY Yanks Girrl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋