We have been together for 8 years and at first we were really,really happy! We were real young (18& 20). As the years went one we delt with money issues his baby mama issues and so on. I feel I became bitter about all of it. My fam also disowned me for a couple of years for marring him so young. I was the golden child the f'd up in their eyes. It was real stressful I gained some weight(I didn't get like really big) I felt ugly but he would always say how beautiful I was regardless and I was crazy for thinking otherwise. I guess I have become a jealous person b/c a my hubby works in law enforcement and he has a female partner and her hubby works with him too, I have never met her or anything like that but anyway I was going in his phn and seen they were txting things like I love u!He said it a sisterly love b/c they have each others lives in their hands and I don't buy it. We fight about it alot and I dont know what to do! He gets upset bc I question him all the time.
2007-04-24 03:41:56 · 31 answers · asked by Ali 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm soo sorry if I go on and on, but this strikes a personal cord... I do feel your pain though...
I was "the partner" from your story.. but in the military... and most of the military wives were so mean to me just because I worked with their husbands. I wasn't going to sleep with every male I worked with! but I was treated as if I already had...
I won't sit here and defend the guys either b/c THERE IS fraternization going on. So you're not totally off base... but that's in every job, not just law enforcement. If you must do your thing to keep tabs, b/c the stories are really fishy, then do that... but don't make it obvious to him... otherwise you're just teaching him to get better at hiding it... be patient... Stop showing your cards, until you have a good hand to deal with.
It sounds like you've already been through a lot with him as it is and yet he still says you're beautiful and he loves you, that's GREAT!! you've got history...that's hard to walk away from...
You probably feel out of control... helpless or hopeless... but there are things YOU have ALL the control over... and the biggest one is how HIS time is spent at home with you... Be the reason he has to look forward to at the end of the day, not something to dread...
YOU CAN try to make both his and your life at home the happiest and simplest as possible. You didn't say if you worked outside the home...in which case you'd need to be creative...
YOU CAN have things planned that you both enjoy and that you can do with or without him (b/c his work) so you won't be disappointed when he can't make it... If he can't make it one day... still do it... for YOU.
YOU CAN have EXPECTATIONS and routines for him and for yourself, your schedule is not the crazy one... DO NOT put your life on hold waiting for him to come home. Do things whether he's there or not... If he can join you great! if he can't... then maybe next time...
My military friends that still don't cheat are the ones which wives were confident and took care of things with or without them... most of those friends were the ones afraid to loose their wives b/c they realized they were not this woman's only option and behaved to make sure she didn't want to leave... and I'm not talking about models here either... my friend at one point was a size 18 and her husband STILL thought the world of her...
Find a good therapist and go by yourself... I suggest that approach b/c of the personal history you wrote, it sounded like there might be self steem issues you need to come to terms with. If you're not happy with yourself, nothing he does would ever be enough...
You married young... young couples are usually "joined at the hip" and do even the simplest daily things together.... If this is your case... it's time to cut the cord... He doesn't have to "fix" or be involved in every issue at home... you'd be busier and won't have time to let your mind wonder...
None of these statements mean you have to become blind to the obvious... but the therapist would help you get better at HOW you ask for the respect you deserve without accusing or driving him away... he can also help you decide what's "too close" for YOUR comfort... real boundaries to separate work life from home... write him a letter if you can't talk w/out bursting into tears or arguing... you deserve respect from them both and his partner has to give you your place as his wife. If he/she crosses those boundaries after knowing how it affects you... then lady, I would agree with whatever obsessive behavior b/c you've tried it all...
I hope this helps you, good luck...
2007-04-24 05:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by Chaos_Mngr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK - you have never met his partner??????? 8 years & this has never occured???????? Married young - yes - okay - but after 8 yrs together there should be alot more trust and respect in this marriage. I cannot tell you about "I luv u" txt msgs - I CAN tell you that a bond between two law enforcement officers defiantley boarders intamacy - so you need approach this right away and find out if the issues are your own paranoiah or if there is something more to be concerned about? TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE! Don't question and accuse - TALK! As for your family - get over it - they will & if they get judgemental - keep them at bay from whatever you and your spouse are about to embark on!
2007-04-24 03:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by martiek7 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all I do am sorry for what you been going through. Your husband does not have the rights the get mad nor upset with you because you asked him about the text that you saw in his cell. A person who is not guilty will not even make such a big thing out of it, he/she will just explain the meaning of the text. And for a partner to say I love you,is not a sister act. You need to do something with this one, why don't you talk to her husband and ask him what's going on between them two, then you might find out something that you already know.
2007-04-24 04:04:16 · answer #3 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey..I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. It's a really difficult situation to handle..because if ya'll aren't happy together, it could be the bad possibility that he is having an affair..but don't think completely negative though, because he could be telling the truth.
Marriage is about trust, but when it comes to these kind of things, you have to find a good way to handle it, and find out the facts.
My suggestion is to be really nice to your husband, and ask him if you two can go on some kind of "double date" or what not, with his partner and her husband. Tell him you really would like to meet her, since she seems to mean a lot to him (she's like his "sister"). If he agrees to it, which would be a good sign, do it. Go on the date, and see how the two act, and if they are awkward with you and her husband around...if they are, it might be time to start thinking that something MIGHT be going on.
I hope that helps..and good luck!
2007-04-24 03:49:58 · answer #4 · answered by inspired.jenni 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If its just "Luv ya" in text, then its nothing. Why dont you call your PD and ask what the policies are concerning personal relationships between officers? Most likely, its forbidden. It is in most places. Police Officers have to remain unemotional in order to handle situations properly. Thats why is forbidden. Don't argue with him anymore. Take some time one day when he's least expecting it and drive around and watch them together. If you see them acting innapropriately, act like an innocent little sweetheart no matter HOW much you want to beat the hell out of them and go home, call the department and report what you saw as an anonymous citizen and let the department take care of it and never "cop" to a thing (no pun intended). Good luck.
2007-04-24 03:50:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
All virgins find oral sex disgusting, but anyways. First of all, Congrats on being a virgin still. I was a virgin until I turned 23. I so wished I had waited because it would have been so great to have lost it to my husband, but it didn't happen that way. Think of it like this: your celibacy is like a crucifix to a demon. If a guy wants nothing to do with you, then you didn't need to be with him anyway. I didn't have sex with my husband for months because I did not want to ruin the relationship, and it was the best EVER!!!! So you are doing the right thing.
2016-05-17 10:30:01 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust him and don't get jealous. Trust in the Lord for getting even with him. "Vengance is Mine sayeth the Lord God", Put it in his hands. Don't give him a hard time! You will only drive him away. Remember why you married him. If things get out of hand and you do discover he is cheating then ask the Lord for guidance and He will lead you. Also do not talk about this too much because it only starts this negative feeling to fester in you like the wound it is.
Good luck to You,
Mary
2007-04-24 04:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...if you want to keep your marriage and/or restore it, I would change my focus from what he is doing with her to what he is doing with you. First of all, don't say another bad thing about her or his and her relationship if it kills you, because that just makes him turn more toward her, especially if they ARE completely innocent.
Make yourself more appealing to him both physically and emotionally. Find out how he likes you to dress and do it. Go out of your way to please him in bed. Tell him all the things you love and find appealing about him. Be the sexy, sweet woman he married.
You might try reading "Fascinating Womanhood". You have to pick and choose from that book what works for you because some of it seems to encourage a woman to manipulate her husband and what you want is a real change, but the author still has some great suggestions about how to get and keep your husband's attention. You also might check out some of the submissive wife books or websites. Submissive wives are really into pleasing their husbands and you can learn alot from them.
Hope that helps. God bless you. Leah
2007-04-24 04:05:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
when a woman gives birth there can be some stretching of her vagina.
so your husband got a girl pregnant then traded her in for a new ride. you.
are you 26? do you have any children?
if it's "yes" and "no" leave now, just pack a bag and go.
otherwise, quit nagging him.
law enforcement is stressful. making aggravation at home is only going to drive him to seek affection and pleasantness elsewhere.
2007-04-24 04:18:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a married man does not tell his partner i love you in a sisterly way. im sorry but they dont. have you read The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands? maybe that could help you out in making him feel like a man and husband again, and you can make him feel like he doesnt need any other woman's comforting
Pray about it!!!
2007-04-24 04:03:20 · answer #10 · answered by *never give up* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋