I've been abused (verbally/emotionally and in the past physically) by my husband of over 20 years. My daughter married and moved 16 hours away....(against my wishes for her but I understand how even she wanted to escape this hell). I have a beautiful home, but he controls all finances and everything. I can't live with is put downs and constant badgering any longer. My daughter says it's ok for me to go stay with her and her husband. If I do, I won't be able to bring anything with me but clothing. How will this effect the outcome of a divorce? Will I still get 1/2? (Well, 1/2 of what I can prove...since he's very secretive with money and I have no access to anything...including paperwork of any sort). If I could file a restraining order based on emotional/verbal abuse or get a divorce I would....but I don't think you can get a restraining order unless physical abuse occurs....and I don't have money for attorneys fees (which are always upfront).
2007-04-24 03:40:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all of the input. So, if I leave and go and stay with my daughter (in another state, 16 hours away), will that be considered abandonment of property or whatever....and will that mean that he ends up with an upper hand in the divorce? I would divorce him now, but no money for a retainer...and believe me...I've tried saving up MANY times. Long story short is he has control of everything and I'm not a weak person in any way...but he always finds a way to gain total control. Right now, he has me without a vehicle. There was a time when I had a great career and he even sabatoged that in order to gain control over me because he knew I was planning to leave him. So, here's what I'm thinking...
I'll take photos of everything in the house and try to find any paperwork around here (even though I'm sure he keeps it all locked up in the trunk of his car or at the office...) then I will scan and store whatever I find online.... I'm going to my daughter's to visit and won't return.
2007-04-25 04:10:36 · update #1
You sound so much like my parents situation...I'm married too and my mom wants to leave really bad but has her doubts...
Anyway, you can always go to the courts and they have mentors that can enlighten you on your rights (that's free!) Just inquire about what you can do as far as a restraining order and what you're entitle too even if he's secretive...don't let him get into your mind. You have rights as "his wife" that he may not even know about. Every state has it's laws so that's why I'm not able to get into the dynamics of how to go about this but a start is definitely possible by going to your court house...
Please get out of this situation as soon as possible.
I know the torment it can cause but it's necessary.
~I wish you the best~
2007-04-24 03:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by Always Camera Ready 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always leave an abusive husband - even if you have to live in a woman's shelter to do it. Look at it the other way: you'll probably live until you're 70 to 80 years old - do you want to live all that time in the misery you have now? Of course not.
After 20 years you're so frazzled you can't think straight. Get out first and emotionally detox away from your husband. After you're feeling better you'll be able to deal with the legal issues. Remember even if you never get a penny out of him you'll still have quality of life which is much more important.
2007-04-24 10:48:04 · answer #2 · answered by Queen of Cards 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave all the thing that your scared to leave behind are just that things then you find legal aide and maybe they can help you with a divorce if that's what you want, your child is telling you to come and that seems like a safe place and if you keep staying your telling your husband it's okay to make you feel like nothing and teaching your daughter to be abused and a all the paper work that you don't know about can be court ordered threw a lawyer or judge don't run walk away with your head held high.
2007-04-24 10:53:52 · answer #3 · answered by mojolov 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i get angry just reading your question and explanation. my mom still stays with her abusive husband. i had to live in the house with that abuse also. i am now grown and no longer have a relationship with mom, she does not have a relationship with her 5 grandchildren and i have to look in their hurt filled eyes and explain that this is how it has to be. in my mind i hear her words over and over, this house is half mine, i won't leave my stuff, if i leave he will keep everything. i saw her at my grandfather's funeral- haunted, hallow eyes- like she is half dead- but she has her stuff. i am sorry but this is an emotionally tuff question for me- please leave him. no matter what it costs. don't you know that you are worth so much more than a house and belongings. i cried so many times wishing my mom would leave him. she has given up her happiness and grandchildren for half of her stuff- find a battered woman's shelter to help you. even if it's not physical they can lead you in the right direction.
2007-04-24 13:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to your local police dept. and file for a restraining order. and fast you have got to show this jerk he does not rule you if dont put a stop to it you could end up hurt. dont give any hints your thinking about this he sounds like the type of guy that would flip out and do something stupid.be very careful........... and dont use your own computer to do anything he can pull up everything you do. i can guide through deleting things from your computer if you would like.
2007-04-24 10:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by dispatch1971 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun,
Move in with your daughter. & get your self away. When I left my monster. I left with nothing. I signed the paper work left it on the table & walked the hell out the door never to return to him.
Mine was 8 years of physical abuse, emotion abuse, verbal abuse as well. Know that your not alone in this hun.
So please be safe. Add me as your friend hun if you need anyone to talk to ok.
Blessed Be )o(
2007-04-25 09:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by IceQueenDeseree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is more important to you? You can always get more things but putting up with that kind of stuff isn`t going to make you happy or safe,which you need more.Their may be someone out there just waiting for you.GO! and good luck.
2007-04-24 10:50:53 · answer #7 · answered by Step 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will still get 1/2 of everything all taxes and accounts will be split. I would leave but I dont think that i would go to my daughters you dont want to bring this stress into her and her husbands marriage.
2007-04-24 10:44:57 · answer #8 · answered by mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look lady you are worried about the wrong thigns right now you need to get out of that house fast!I think that you should watch Madea's movis"Diary of a mad black woman"
2007-04-24 10:47:16 · answer #9 · answered by TRUTH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i left my abusive husband,i only took my clothes.it isw better to leave and start over.according to most states,the wife is entitled to one half of everything they obtained in the marriage.he has to make an acoount to the court of all assets.
2007-04-24 11:54:16 · answer #10 · answered by mj d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋