My husband has private email?

Question

We have been married for 9 years. Last year he changed his password because he ordered a camera for my 30th and didn't want me to see. Well he still doesn't allow me access to his email. He said we should have some privacy. I said the only reason he didn't want me to know was he was hiding something. I have found things out that he hid from me. I went out to his car once and found a note that read be a flirt lift your shirt. He was bored in traffic and put the sign in the window to see what would happen. I have had him lie to me in the past. He told me about two years ago that he doubted our love because I didn't like the idea of him getting a motorcycle. I said something like he would just use it to go to look at women in a local city that sponsors bike week. I remember saying I loved him and he not saying it back around that time. The excuse was he didn't hear me say it. We fought for several months and decided to stay together. I don't feel like I can trust him at times

Answer 1

Sounds like you have a significant problem on your hands. My wife become upset at me in the past for reading her email that is right on the screen and she threatens to change the password. I just say "no problem, I get a new password to. On ALL my accounts". Then the problem is solved and we have no secret email.

The problems you are facing go way beyond this. That note in his car is a big sign of something that may happen. You have to find a way to get the trust back or things may be over.

You didn't really ask a specific question, so I guess this is just a comment.

Answer 2

Marriage is a choice, not a sentence. I think choosing to be open and honest with your spouse is the only way a marriage can work. That being said, do you allow him to be totally open and honest or do you gripe about everything he does. You wouldn't "let" him get a bike because he might look at women? Are you his mother or his wife? Trust is about letting go and being adult enough to handle what might come along. Talk to him, get everything out on the table. How can two people decide if they want to continue if one cant handle the others thoughts and ideas? It sounds to me like you are pushing him away, open up to him, let him open up to you. Don't nag or complain when he does, just listen. I bet it will make you much closer and he wont feel the need for so much "privacy". Good luck :)

Answer 3

Make a private email for yourself .. even if you u have nothing in it, try to show as if u r hiding it from him .. like closing the window when u see him coming, .. etc. Let him feel how u feel about having secret between a husband and a wife .. Then explain to him that Husband and Wife are no more 2 but 1 .. There should not be any secrets on each other

Answer 4

Download a keystroke logger and put it on his computer. You will soon have his password. Beware though....you may not like what you discover. I did the same thing and found out my wife was having an affair with an old boyfriend. Divorce soon followed and an ugly custody battle over the kids.

There is absolutely no privacy allowed in a health relationship......

Answer 5

No I do not agree with the seceret things. I have nothing to hide. If I did then I would have a private email. Sounds like he is cheating. I would look more into it. The sign in the window is B.S. He made that up. He has a low self esteme and is getting his boost from another woman. Sound like you are the one who needs to doubt his love. He said that because he couldnt get his bike. What a brat.

Answer 6

Married people go through many phases, romantic love
being only one of them, and not always constant. Love
takes many forms according to what's happening in the
marriage. Sometimes the friendship aspect of marriage
reins, sometimes the sexual and sometimes the parental.
Through all of these, deep compatibility and trust should
be a given. This is a personal choice and freedom within
the marriage a right. Men will always want to look at and
be curious about other women. Worrying about what
might happen or what did happen or what's going to
happen will only put greater distance between you. I
don't know of many couples that share the same e-mail.
Saying "I love you" in order to get confirmation of the
other's love during an insecure time only exacerbates
the situation. Respect your husband's privacy as he
would yours and things will smooth out. Let him know
that he can trust you enough to reveal himself without
facing a confrontation.

Answer 7

Sometimes there has to be some privacy at times so it may be nothing ... all the same next time hes on his email walk up to him and if he lets u look at his email then theres nothing hes hiding but if he gets upset and says to leave then u'll know that hes hiding something.

Answer 8

hubby and I went through this once. I finally figured out the password and found that he was cheating on me. (many years ago). I confronted him. He was very sorry. From then on he has given me all him passwords to everything. So have I. No secrets..


you are right, you shouldnt trust him..I wouldnt if he insists on keeping a silly email address private like that

Answer 9

Your last sentence said it all " I don't feel like I can trust him at times" if you cant trust him move on with your life. Persoanlly I dont think you need his email password or he needs yours. My husband and I do not give one another our passwords but thats because we TRUST eachother. And even if he gave you a password doesnt mean he does not have another email address on another provider. You two have more issues beyond an email password but frankly if you can not trust your mate its time to move on.

Answer 10

He is definitely into extra-curricular activities. Probably porn on the internet and the sign in the car. What a jerk. You can either stay and know he is doing these things, or leave. Obviously, his sexual deviations are not being fulfilled by you. That does not mean that he does not love you or care about you. He is just into the kinky ****. Jump in with him if you want.