My husband and I rushed into marriage and were extremely unhappy at the time and I was weak and vulnerable and questioned if I made the right decision since I was not over my ex fiance. I was not sure if the baby was the one I had the affair with or my husbands and was so scared that I didn't know what to do. I prayed every day that it would turn out to be my husbands' child. We have 2 other children and are very happy now. But I feel awful and this whole thing is haunting me.
The child is now almost 11 and is extremely tall just like the ex was which is a dead give away since my husband and I are not tall people. People keep commenting on the height of the child and I am so scared that it is being questioned behind my back. I want to come clean with my husband but I don't want to crush him and I don't want it to ruin the lives of all of our children and families. I have never told the other guy that there was a question about the paternity.
What should I do???
2007-04-24 03:23:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just leave it alone. Why bring all that pain, hurt and anguish to not just your life, but to your husband, your son and your other two children? I know you feel guilt, but you have to let it go. Find some way to release that guilt, get it out of your system, and be thankful for the wonderful family you now have. And, my second son is almost six feet tall. I'm 5' 5" and his dad is 5' 7". He is the tallest ever in my family and I KNOW he is my ex's. Please, let life go on and don't destroy anyone.
2007-04-24 03:30:36 · answer #1 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch this one hurts… You should get a paternity test done first to see if the child is you’re ex’s first. Then proceed to see how to go about telling him. This is something that is eating away at you…Even if you find out your husband is the father... You will continue to have the guilt. And it maybe best to tell him what happened then. And I really do hope you DON’T talk with your ex anymore. Otherwise more issues will arise from this. Actions and sayings really do hurt you later down the road. Haunt is a good word for it. I don’t think you can not get out of telling him. Your own guilt is stronger then anything else.
Remember because one person out of the flock is different the rest doesn’t mean anything.
We are all from a large gene pool of generations. And things skip from one generation to another. My son is taller then his father and I dam well know it’s his. Yet on my fathers side no one is tall except some of the grand children. My others side there are people who are tall but are not direct descendent... They are cousins of my mom’s... Also his fathers side all have short legs and tall tops.. he has both… so you see physics out rules.
You should have had this done years ago, 11 years is a long time for not knowing. And also hiding it from you husband. No matter what route you take this is NOT going to sit well with him… And he will now question the entire 11 years of marriage. It’s really hard to say how he will handle it.
2007-04-24 04:04:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know honesty is usually the best policy, but if you tell your husband after 11 years that his eldest child may or may not really be his, you will crush him beyond belief and ruin any chance you two have of having a happy, successful marriage. Look at the big picture- imagine your child finding out that the person he/she always knew as "dad" is not really his/her father after all. That can really screw a kid up at that age. Besides, since you haven't had any formal DNA tests done, so this is purely speculation. What if you tell your husband about this and you get all the tests done and it turns out he WAS the father all along? The you've just put everyone through misery and jeopardized your marriage. The important thing is, your husband loves all three of your children. Telling him will clear your conscience at the cost of opening up old wounds. Don't do it!
2007-04-24 03:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why tell anyone?
the child has a home... with a mother and a father.
that's all anyone needs to know.
genetics often skip a generation anyway. for example, if your grandfather was short your mother might be normal height but you could inherit the genes for shortness.
perhaps what you could do is carefully and discretely collect information about your ex ...photos, family tree, etc.
you might need those for your son. in about ten years.
if you can trust the other guy to honor your privacy tell him now.
otherwise don't tell anyone.
2007-04-24 03:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a paternity test done on your son before you say a word to anyone. If it turns out he is the exs you need to talk to your hubby and the two of you decide what to do...
2007-04-24 03:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you should tell both of them. Then get a test done. If you keep worrying about it you will go into depression. Maybe your hubby wont be so mad since it was when you two were unhappy and he might be glad that you did decide to stay with him and work it out.
2007-04-24 03:29:26 · answer #6 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its already pass 11 years, you should just forget about it. and bury the past. but if you still wants to know just take a test. if the test came to your favour you will be happy but if its not you will be miserable through your life thinking that you are cheating your husband, your ex and your son. take a good decision and get a peace.
2007-04-24 03:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by jj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey dont worry, if your husband loves you, he should really have no problem, before telling him I think you should somehow get a paternity test, its easy they just need some sample from your hubby and from your child and will be matched, once you know he is your ex's son you should tell your husband, he will understand......if he dosen't ......well, I would think the 'love' you mentioned is questionable, he will take a lil while though.
2007-04-24 03:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by arnold s 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Actually, the law says that a child born during the marriage is the husband's child. In that respect, the child is his. However, you need to tell your husband the truth, for the sake of your son.
2007-04-24 03:31:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband already knows you cheated so let sleeping dogs lie and who cares how tall your kid is, my son is 3 inches taller than me, and takes after his grandfather, so height and weight doesn't necessarily come from a parent, you seem to be happy now,, so I would let it go,
all you are doing is opening up old wounds and it is going to cause trouble
2007-04-24 03:34:26 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋