Problems with the hubby????!!?

Question

My hubby and I have been married for three years and there are times when things have been a little rocky. We have a 1 year old daughter and I just found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant. When things get bad my hubby likes to go tell everyone such as his mom, his brother (currently in Iraq), and coworkers about our problems. I just found on the computer where he emailed some girl he knew back in school and told her he is in a unhappy marriage and he is only here for his daughter. I am so devastated. I am trying to keep high spirits. I had 2 miscarriages before I had my daughter and I don't want to go through that again. What should I do about my husband?

We have done marriage counseling in the past and he quit after 2 sessions.

Answer 1

Well for starters, try not to stress. I know that sounds like a hard task, but stressing can lead to complications with this pregnancy, and you just said you dont' want that again.

Second, talk to your hubby. Prepare a dinner for the two of you and ask him to open up to you.
I've found that praying together (in a marriage right now) will always calm things down some, and bring matters to the fore front. So, sit down and pray together. Ask God to come into your marriage and help you two out. Ask for strength and courage.
A marriage is a life long bond with many bumps in the road. But the way to make it a success is to get through those bumps together.

I really hope this helped you some.
Wish ya the best, and congrats on the pregnancy!

Answer 2

Before you confront him, breath deeply and decide in your own mind what you are going to need to do - no matter his response. Make arrangements that if he says he wants out - you know what you are going to do for the welfare of you and your children. The stress your under is putting your unborn child at risk and so rather then dwell on "what if's" - plan for them. If he agrees to try counseling again - make sure that you already have it arranged - it cannot hurt to even go by yourself as you need the support it will provide you. If he says no to counseling, but agrees to communicate and work with you more to improve the situation, then you need to know what the problems are and specifically how to tackle them - for instance if there are $ problems causing stress - talk about them & work together to form a budget system that you can both agree too & then stick to it. If you are at all faithful - seek the Lord's guidance and/or see your Reverend. Three years is a point where stresses and communication seems to break down and there becomes a lull - talk and be respectful of one another - make sure he respects your opinions of things! Don't take any crap - remember your not just a woman - your a Mother!

Answer 3

Quitting after two sessions can only mean either he has no desire to accept any portion of responsibility for failure in the marriage or he has no desire to make any attempt to make things right.
Discussing your problems with family members is improper. Especially since this topic should be discussed with you and you alone. In addition, yakking to some broad online that he knew in high school...as well as his comment that he's in this for his daughter and not you is actually sowing the seeds for a tryst with another person.
If another attempt at counselling fails or he can't tell you why he feels the way he does, then perhaps it's time to make alternative plans. You may want to explore avenues of escape. If he wants to prostitute his values there is no reason why you should hang around and watch him, wasting your life in the process. There are many more men out there who would appreciate you and your family values. Never think that there isn't. You're cognizant enough to see these problems and you're also smart enough to know when to seek help and when that fails, when to cut out and find the person who appreciates you for who you are.

Answer 4

Sounds like he is an attention seeker and is wanting sympathy from everyone. I guess you have to confront him about going to everyone else. It isn't their business what is going on. You can never solve a problem in your marriage by going to someone who isn't your partner, even your mom. You and he have to fix the issues between the two of you and no one else can do that. I'm wondering why he is telling this girl unless he is wanting sympathy and a hook up. I hate to say that but it is just a weird situation. You know you don't want to be with someone who isn't there because they love you, so you need to figure out if you are building a life together or if he's just planning an escape. It is better to know now so that you can grieve the relationship and move on. He may well tell you that he is confused and doesn't know how to fix the relationship and that is why he is asking other people. That is ok, but tell him to come to you because it hurts to have everyone else knowing your business. YOU are the one he needs to be talking to. If he can do that, then maybe you can build something worth keeping.

Answer 5

okay i know that things have been rocky but what you need to do is sit down and really communicate with your husband. Don't do the blame game because that will only make him defensive. Ask him what it is that he is so unhappy about and let him know your feelings to. Ask him if there is any way that you two can really work out your problems and save your marriage. Ask him if he still loves you and if he does then what is it that you can both do to make this a stronger marriage.

Answer 6

Look the worst thing married people can do is involve family into your business.It seems like there is a really big communication problem between the two of you.Now for the sake of your little i hope the two of you don't argue in front of her.He seems as though he is not comfortable talking to you.Are you a defensive talker,do you get anger to quick,are you not the best listener,Things like that can run a person away from you especially when it comes to expressing their feelings.Until you can keep your cool about it do not confront him about the conversation he had with his friend.You guys have got to build up your communication.When you feel the time is right as him why he felt the need to tell her his problems instead of you?Don't stress yourself out take care if yourself and that baby.I will not tell you to divorce him because that is not my place and just maybe you two can work this out.But both of you have to be committed to working it out.be good to yourself and God bless.

Answer 7

I don't know if there is anything you can do about such a whiner. He is an adult and should be working things out with you instead of going around whining to anyone who will listen. I would tell him to man up and see if that helps.

Answer 8

Talk to him and find out what is making him unhappy! You may also remind him that happiness comes from within and by him telling people he is in a unhappy marriage ask him if divorce will make him any happier... Best of luck to you... Communnicate and be best friends!

Answer 9

I would recommedn talking to him... I know its hard but yuo both need to sit down together and talk it out... I'm really sorry you are having troubles... If that doesnt work i hate to say it but you ought to consider getting out... Things turn really bad fro children if the parents are unhappy together!!! Maybe there is an underlying problem that you aren't aware of tho... I hate to say divorce cause i don't believe in it but if your happyness is on the line... then it is warented.. You deserve to be happy no matter what others say... Your children can see both parents... If you need to talk you are free to e-mail me:)

Answer 10

Every marriage has problems from time to time. But he needs to be talking to you, not everyone else. That is very unhealthy. Tell him that your problems are private and you don't appreciate him telling everyone. And if he has this burning need to talk to someone other than you, then he should go to counseling by himself and then possibly with you, too.