Men, Women help me understand before I pull my hair out!?

Question

My husband cannot/will not do any DIY, decorating, gardening etc (or even arrange someone else to do it) and I have to deal with EVERYTHING you can imagine from all the family finances, arranging repairs to house and car, childrens hospital appointments to changing the light bulbs. I do all the running around for our 4r old boys and 8yr old daughter as well as study for a college course I'm on.

Taking all this into consideration I can't understand why he can't see the hypocricy in his annoyance at the house hardly ever being tidy.
Firstly I've never been a particularly tidy person and he knew this when we met.
Secondly so long as the meals are cooked and clean clothes ready I would rather spend any free time I get actually out with my children or playing with them, not being a slave to my home.

It upsets me and I can't get him to see why.

I've tried leaving things for him to do eg I asked him to phone around for some car insurance quotes, needless to say he rang one and took their useless expensive policy.
He does work though so I'm not expecting too much just a little decorating.

I'm not expecting him to do things he's not able to or change the man I met just want him to realise I'm not being lazy because the house isn't immaculate.

Answer 1

sit down and talk to him .tell him ur having long days and ud appreciate it if he helped out a little bit. bcuz u cant do it all urself. communication is the key. while he may not clean the house himself he may get someone else to do it for him. just talk to him. or u could make a game out of if with ur kids. for every chore they do let them have something fun in return. like for the 4 yr old maybe u could get him to pick his toys up after hes finished with them. and the 8 yr old could help wash dishes every once in a while. and maybe help pick up the living room and bathroom. but talk to ur husband first and see if hes willing to help. he probably thinks that ur a great wife/ mother and thinks that with those qualities u should be superwoman or something. just talk to him and tell him how u feel about it. tell him that u dont expect a lot from him just a little help every now and then. good luck

Answer 2

You are one person; you cannot do it all. You should not be expected to do it all. So, prioritize. What is most important? In order, I would say husband, children, meals, finances, house, house and car repairs [unless they are urgent].

Notice...husband should be top priority. He will be there long after the children have flown the nest. Keep him close and treat him well.

Now, if he complains about things that are not done, simply agree. After all, he is right. Things go undone. No argument there.

I don't know how hard he works at his job or the condition of your finances, but if you can, squeeze out some money from the budget for a house cleaner every couple of weeks.

If the children are leaving a mess, you'll have to find a way to encourage them to pickup after themselves. Being a slave to them is no better than being a slave to the house.

If you husband is simply a complete jerk, nothing will change him. However, many woman are finding that treating their husband as the most important person in the world can bring about changes in the husband. Links to two books are below. They might help you see how to "...give men what they really need—appreciation, approval, and affection—and reap the benefits of intimacy, devotion, sexual pleasure, and a peaceful home in return."

Answer 3

Tell him in a calm manner that you can no longer do everything. That you are going to maintain the house, and take care of the children. However, you will no longer be washing his laundry, or paying his bills. Start saving money here and there. A loose change jar, that way you can start to treat yourself once or twice a month and leave him with the children when he's home.

If that doesn't give him a swift kick in the butt you are going to become so resentful that it may cost you your marriage in the long run.

Answer 4

I think he's just a lazy *** who wants you to do everything AND wait on him hand and foot.
You need to take your foot and shove it up his *** where the sun doesn't shine.
He should be doing at least the yard work to help you out, and the house and car repairs - those are man jobs.
Kick him out.
Sorry, I just have no respect for a man who lets the wife do everything when he's perfectly capable of helping out.

Answer 5

i think he's being lazy, selfish and very disrespectful about his own duties as a husband. it's not fair to you or the children that he leaves it to you to take care of everything while he sit's and watches. i don't care if he does work and you're a housewife. running a home and taking care of both your children is a job initself. you guys need counseling if you're going to try to make it work.

Answer 6

Some guys just aren't into this stuff. Hopefully you are not expecting him to change from the man you actually married.

Answer 7

If you are working outside of the home, quit. Make yourself a full-time homemaker. HE makes the money, you spend it. You won't have that fight anymore.

A couple that I know did this and they were wondering why it took so long for them to get it.

Answer 8

Perhaps he needs to realise how upset you are. If he isnt doing his share then perhaps its time you needed to reconcider the relationship.

Perhaps a good shock to the system may get his lazy **** bones movin agian

Answer 9

He's lazy. Plain and simple. And unfortunately, you've trained him to be that way. You need to re-train him.

So stop doing everything and when he complains, tell him to do it. It'll be hard at first, but eventually he'll get the hint.

Answer 10

He wont get it...he wants a slave not a wife.