Does my husband still want me?

Question

Recently my husband has completely stopped having sex with me, and says it's because I haven't gotten my depo, but we have alternate protection in the house to use in the meantime, and he still doesn't have sex with me and our sex life used to be great, also he is very rarely affectionate, and he never seems attracted to me, he acts as if he isn't at all bothered by not having sex with me. Then last night we had intercourse finally, and I did not finish, then I felt bad because I know it was a downer for him, so then he says.. we shouldnt have sex anymore until you feel better about your insucurities, it's like he's looking for any excuse not to sleep with me, how's not having sex going to help my being insecure? I am afraid that he just doesnt want me or anything, and we're young. I am 24 and he is 25. Somebody help me, I can't stand feeling like this!

I talked to him and he's put off because he feels as if he doesn't satisfy me.. I guess I didn't think about that, he flipped out on me yelling about not satisfying me and maybe I should go f*ck someone else, I talked to him and he's been alot more into me lately, but I still have problems with not "finishing" it's not him and I am horny and want him, I just feel like I am pressured and if I dont "finish" then he'll be upset so I think it's too much so I dont finish anyway.

Answer 1

Fix yourself first before you go out and tackle the rest of the world.

Go get your shot. I'm sure he wants to have you in every possible position, but would prefer doing this without the risk of pregnancy or worrying about the type of protection being used.
Secondly, don't confuse sex with insecurities. If you're going to stress out over something like that, it will affect your sex life, the way you communicate to each other in bed, and restricting any pleasure you can get from it.

Look, nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. In looks, our bodies, our personalities. That's life. But it's those little quirks that make us unique as well.
Stop being insecure and stand tall and proud for the person you are.

Answer 2

Look at other possible circumstances around you. Does he have a demanding job? Have you physically changed since you met (put on weight etc) Maybe hes in debt & afraid to tell you. Why does he think you have insecurities? Have you expressed the fact that you feel unwanted?? The absolute worst scenario is that he could be having an affair?? Is he working later, hiding his mobile, acting secretive?? I would @ least try & find out (without being suspected, if he isn't having an affair, he may get angry @ being accused) He also may be suffering from depression (for whatever reason) & sex is the last thing on his mind. 1st thing that springs to mind after reading your question is unfortunatly an affair but eliminate that 1st good luck

Answer 3

Two things
1) he does not want kids now, and,
2) add some spice to sack-time.
Number 1 is easy to take care - just don't surprize him with an ooops! in a couple of months.
For 2). Do some things now while You are young. Tease him, get kinky with him, take control of his sexlife and he will respond to You. Don't wait any longer. Get his attention and keep it by being in control of him. You can be his discipliner, his sexy but untouchable babe, or his affectionate mate. Use some imagination...

All the talk about his cheating is just an easy copout; an old saying is: if a guy gets something while he is out, then when he gets home he should at least attempt to do the same with his Lady. Ignoring You is stupid if he's cheatin'.

Answer 4

The fear of an unwanted pregnancy can be a major factor here. Is there a trust issue as well (e.g., does he think you secretly want to "accidentally" get pregnant)? What's his reaction to just sticking to oral sex or some other form where the risk is low?

But there could be a whole host of other issues going on. The way to find out is to communicate. That takes trust from each of you. And it takes skill, patience, and time. He might even have a medical problem.

If you two don't make some serious headway in the next couple of weeks, please see a therapist or marriage counselor, and be very open and honest about everything. Go by yourself if he won't go with you.

Answer 5

Lots of these people are saying that he's having an affair which MIGHT be true, but not necessarily! Sweetheart, I was married for 12 years to a man who HATED sex. I was lucky to get it once every few months, and even then the whole act lasted less than 30 seconds. He also looked for any excuse not to touch me. Turns out he was just a nutcase and thank heavens I divorced him--not just because of THAT because I don't really like sex either. But anyway, you might have to just accept the fact that maybe just doesn't like sex or in the case of my ex-husband, I think he's gay.

Answer 6

Bronzebabekentucky may have a good point.

Although I remember when I was about that age, I went through a few months of feeling the same about my partner. That was due to over working and feeling run down, but I was also getting a little worried about committing to her for ever, which to a lot of young men is a very major thing. Both these made me grumpy, irritable and not very 'couply'.

Got over it though (we broke up for a couple of months), now been very happily married 15 years.

Just ask him what's wrong, you might not like the answer, but at least you will know.

Slim

Answer 7

It is the feeling that you are not recognized that is hurting you.
You are craving for undue recognition. Learn to balance the need of sharing caring and recognition.
Discusses the matter with him.
Key to happy married life.
Married life needs lot of adjustments. Before marriage both of you are more than eager to accommodate but it is not possible forever. Find out about interests in various activities. Best way is to ask him/she to make a list and you can do the same and match them. If more than 50% match is not there life becomes boring soon. Most important is what You don’t like and tolerance level.
The best way to handle burden in married life and make it happy is to learn how to balance the needs of sharing caring and recognition.
Good luck. Heat to heart discussion is the key.
read what is that you want in the web source given below.

Answer 8

Sounds like there are many issues going on... And there are possible things affecting the situation:

1) He's cheating and getting it somewhere else...
2) He's genuinely off sex (it happens but not in someone so young)
3) He's found out he's gay
4) He's got a mental problem
5) He's got a physical problem
6) He's bored with sex with you

SOOOO, there are some solutions... One is to split... Another is to ask for an open marriage... and yet another is to divorce.. :D

Answer 9

Get your depo shot. Your alternate contraceptive may not be enough for him. Personally, I don't trust condoms alone. I am on the pill, but often insist on using condoms too!

I bet he just really really doesn't want kids to the point where your back up isn't enough.

Or it could be something else. Get your depo shot or some other hormonal birth control.

Answer 10

If a guy dont like doing sex with his girlfriend or wife that means that he is having another affair or in the same way he dont like her anymore.The problem with your husband is that he thinks that you need him and this is what men thinks after marriages and i know this because i am a male and i know how we male react at different situations.All you have to do is to realize him that life is not about a single person its all about being together withsomeone.So now its on you how you should make him realize that he is the one who needs you because if you make him realize about this than your life will come back on two wheels right now your husband is only thinking about himself.