shes says shes depressed when I tell her to pick up or clean or take care of my kids and thats when she says shes depressed! I took her to a psychologist and didnt say a thing, so What should I do?
2007-04-23 19:12:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Funny...I just talked to my fiancé about this issue tonight. Not about the part of not cleaning or taking care of the kids, cuz he's only home for 2 weeks out of the whole year, so if I don't do it no one will. But the fact that I'm depressed lately. I finally told him tonight because I've suppressed it so much that it finally just came out. And I hid it from him because before when I told him about it, he told me I had "no reason" to be depressed (i have an 8 month old and he said i had no reason to even have post-partum depression). Whatever to that, but I mean...if you act like you don't care about your wife's feelings, then you can't expect her to dish the scoop for ya.
Now...about the cleaning...she could be depressed to the point where she just doesn't want to do anything. She may feel sluggish and worthless, for all you know. And just because she came out and told you she was too depressed to clean, doesn't necessarily mean it was an excuse. Could have been the only opportunity she felt she had to let you know she was depressed. And she may not want to get too personal because she may not know a clear reason as to WHY she's depressed. It may not be because of any particular situation or circumstance. It may be that she's got a chemical imbalance in her brain. This is when the seratonin levels of the brain become imbalanced. Seratonin is the natural brain chemical that processes moods.
If you brought her to the Psychologist and he didn't find any cause...it may be that you were sitting in on the session with her and she clammed up because you were there. Take her again...and let her have her hour without you. She obviously doesn't feel very good about herself with you around.
Another thing is, don't TELL her to do something. This is 2007, not the year of June Cleaver. Maybe she doesn't feel confident enough as a "housewife"...what type of upbringing did she have? Was she brought up in a messy chaotic household? This may be hard to adjust from. Have you ever criticized her cooking? If you have, don't expect her to make you anything for dinner...she won't want to because she'll be afraid you'd criticize what she is doing. Maybe she doesn't know how to cook very well. In that case, maybe you could opt to have her take professional cooking lessons. Let it be a time she sets aside for herself and the instructor without you or anyone else around. This will keep her mind occupied and maybe kick some of the depression by boosting her confidence in one small area of her life (cooking). Plus it will possibly get you food on the table.
depending on how old your kids are...you might want to tell them to help their mother out...then maybe she'll be willing to help out, too. If she sees her kids doing something around the house, then she will likely do something, too.
Or maybe you could just spend quality time with her Saturday and have a "family cleaning party"...this will get the house completely clean and less of a trash heap for her to overwhelmingly look at and wonder where the hell to start. That could be the problem...it may be so messy that she just doesn't WANT to deal with it cuz it's stressful to pinpoint where to start. If it's cleaned by the whole family once, then she can maintain it for the rest of the time...with the kids' help if they're old enough. She will not be accused of being lazy, she'll feel confident enough in herself for keeping it clean and keeping you happy. combined with cooking lessons and an appt with the psychologist all for herself, she may shape up!!
2007-04-23 19:43:06 · answer #1 · answered by no_name_jane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well she might be using that as an excuse? Or she might not not why shes depressed, if your depressed you don't always know why. If she recently had a kid she might have post pardon depression. (I think thats what its called, some moms get depressed after they have kids) so look into that. Also why is it your kids? I would say its both of your kids, also if she really is depressed telling her what to do wont help much, take her out to dinner, be sweet and romantic, ask her if she needs help (like you making dinner or doing the dishes or something) You could go to marriage counseling in general that might help? But dont make her feel bad or anything.
2007-04-24 02:21:09 · answer #2 · answered by his.lover2007 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's wrong is that she is depressed. Sometimes people who get depressed don't have a clear cause of the depression. They just feel depressed, but depression stems from thought processes and behavour. So, she went to the psychologist, but she didn't say anything? That's fine. Did the psychologist say a lot? Cognitive Behavoural Therapy has the exact same sucess rate as antidepressant medication and doesn't require too much talking on her part.
2007-04-24 02:19:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ur wife says "shes depressed" but dont wana tell u whats wrong or even get personal wt u. I feel the main reason is that she fears that u may disclose the same to ur mom or ur family members, friends etc. First of all try to win her confidence. Assure her that she can competely trust u. Once she gains confidence in u things will automatically change.
2007-04-24 02:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by sudhi965 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only time she's depressed is to get out of cleaning or taking care of the kids?? Sounds like she's just making an excuse, call her on it. If she keeps on saying that she's depressed, tell her that you are trying to help her but you don't know what to do, what would she like you to do to help. Tell her that she's got to open up because she is making your life difficult and that you can't keep catering your life to her "I'm depressed" mood swings if that's what they are. Tell her something's got to give or you're done. That ought to wake her up.
2007-04-24 02:18:18 · answer #5 · answered by Valerie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did the therapist suggest psychriatry? Medication might help, I don't understand why the psychologist couldn't help her, but usually its a ongoing process recovering from depression and she should see the therapist more than once.
2007-04-24 02:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by beatch38 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either tell her to get on antidepressants, or perhaps its time to have a little discussion about helping out. Communication is important. Has she recently had a child? Perhaps its postpartum depression. But either way, something has to give. Try to be understanding, but also tell her that you can't do everything by yourself. You tried to get her help, now it's time for her to do her part.
2007-04-24 02:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by traceylenore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depression is a hard thing to understand, but believe her because its real to her...the psychologist should be consulted for what options to deal with this...some meds work fairly well...please don't ignore the fact she may be better off on meds then not ...she is struggling to be the person not only you want her to be but the person she feels she is or should be..
2007-04-24 02:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One visit to a therapist is not going to cure the problem. Sounds like she has issues with the marriage. You both may need to see a marriage counselor.
You might want to try ASKING HER instead of telling her what to do. I know it works better with me.
2007-04-24 02:18:11 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok maybe youre being a little clingy. depression is embarrasing and personal sometimes. it sounds like you dont believe her or something.
2007-04-24 02:17:28 · answer #10 · answered by noonedreamsanyways 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋