What DOES he want?

Question

I've been separated from the common law hubby for a month now. We have 2 kids together. We planned out our 2nd child and he started to cheat a few months into my pregnancy, and I didn't find out until my last trimester, had my baby, and he continued to see her so I finally kicked him out. Now he tells me how he misses the kids but doesn't want a relationship with me because he now says he doesn't have feelings for me, but he doesn't know what he wants. So his solution was we live as roomates in separate rooms, I told him no, because I feel it's so wrong on many levels. I'm slowly moving on with my life, and well have handled being a single mom as best as I can considering I have a newborn and a toddler under the age of 2. Should I just keep moving forward? He still sees the kids and I don't stand in btw their relationship. However, this situation seems to just be lingering, if he wants it final then we need to close down bank accounts, split the belongings etc. What to do??

Answer 1

It would be good to get some Godly counselling either w/ a pastor at your church or you can go to www.doersoftheword.org and the pastor there has a toll free # you can call. He can give you some good Godly advice & help you.
Another site that has a 24hr service to help you & give Godly advice is http://www.jesus2u.org/

It is always good to talk to someone when times are really tough.

What helped me open my heart to the Lord was reading "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian.
Prayer is very powerful dear friend.

Always know that God loves you and hears your prayers. Ask Him to intervene in this situation.

John 3:16-18
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

1Peter 5:6-7
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I pray the best for you & your family.

Answer 2

I think that you definately made the right decision when you told him that he could not stay with you in different rooms, you would never be able to move forward in your life.. and he's already told you he doesn't have feelings for you any longer. Imagine one day bring a guy home, only to have your ex-husband sitting in the other room, I think that every man you meet will split the second they find out about that. Also, you have to think about your emotionally state of mind, by him being there, you will constantly think about him, you will convince yourself that you want to be together, when he doesnt, and that would tear your heart out. What if he wanted to bring a woman home? I realize you could make it a "rule" not to but honestly, both of you would have to tell whoever you date that you are living with your ex-spouse at some point. He can see that kids as often as you both agree to, him moving in is completely pointless, it will just tear you down. You need to move forward, and realize that he doesn't have feelings anymore, so let him find a place of his own, work out a visitation schedule that allows him to see the kids often enough for him and you both.

Answer 3

What does he want? He wants to make this as easy as possible for him....

Close out all accounts. Decide who gets what. But first, go see a lawyer. Legal Aid is free. Get a custody arrangement in place. Set up visitation times, who gets the kids when, etc. Trust me, I know, these documents can be a life saver when things are not going well. Get child support. Don't feel bad about asking, if you have the kids, you will be able to work less, and need more to care for them.

But go see that lawyer! Get the legal issues nailed down it will make both of your lives, and the lives of the kids, easier in the long run.

And good luck to you, you are doing the right thing for you and your kids! My thoughts are with you.

Answer 4

You're right. I agree with you. You need to make a clean break from him. That means no living under the same roof as "roommates". That's just ridiculous. You should allow him to be a father to his children and the only conversation you two should be having is about the children. Nothing more. Keep moving forward. When it's over, it's over.

Answer 5

yes you need to close your joint accounts. But by no means should you allow him back into your home. It sounds to me that he just wants to use you for a place to stay and play with your mind. Plus how are you going to explain this to the kids later when they ask where is daddy going....and he is going out to see is GF....then what in the world if and when he wants to take them out with his GF, and the kids talk about that to their friends...and he is still living in your house....that will be some strange looks and then the kids will get picked on....and you know that the parents will judge you and the kids....and think you guys are kinky or something.....I don't think you want to put your kids through that....so don't.
He must not like where he is living at the moment, and the GF will not take him in. Anyway, just don't take him back.....the children are young enough right now for it not to hurt them.....but the older they get and things like this happen.....it hurts and it makes them feel like everyone thinks they are weird or something. For their sake he does not need to move back in.

Answer 6

He needs to move on and allow you to find someone that can love and appreciate you for who you are. He has hurt you and the children enough. He needs to find his way back to the woman that he destroyed his marriage for! You are not a puppet on a string that he can toy with just because he wants to. He is no good for you and would never change his philandering ways. He is a risk to your emotional and physical life. You wre caring this beautifull baby inside of your body and he didn't even csre if he gave you some God Forsaken Disease. He is very dangerous to your well- being!!! I understand how hard raising two children on your own can be and I highly commend you for that. Your husband hurt you coming in and out of your life and the kids need more stability than he is ever capable of giving! He is just not worth the energy you will expend in keeping him around. You are worth more than all he has ever offered you. Be strong, be wise, and the good in life will come to you.... The man upstairs will not desert you. Move on in your life and leave yourself open for someone that would be more than happy to have you. The struggle with your ex is not worth it. Best wishes to you and your children.

Answer 7

Sounds like you already know what to do. If it's over then it's over. Close out the bank accounts and get a lawyer for custody of the kids and to get child support.

Answer 8

what a mess just keep moving forward close down bank accounts, split the belongings etc move on good luck

Answer 9

Shorty, finalize those arrangements. Shut down the bank accounts and split the belongings. You need closure and you need to go forward. Sorry -k-

Answer 10

I think you should move on. Itll be hard but he cheated on you when you were pregnant!!! thats usually the time when the guy loves you most because you are carrying his baby!!! Dont let him string you along, let him see the kids coz they are his 2 but Id shut the door to the relationship!!! Good luck!!