My man use to be a really heavy drinker, but thank god he has stopped drinking the hard stuff crown royal. He was starting to get very angry drinking that stuff. But my family won't even give him another chance. He is a great guy now and he does not want to lose me again and that is why he has stopped drinking. How can i get my family to for give and for get what he uses to be like when he did drink that stuff. They won't even come over here. And boy does that hurt me and my man but he don't say it though. Please help me please.
2007-04-23 17:03:32 · 13 answers · asked by Glenna S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing you can do to make them. It's going to take time and patience. They will come around eventually, but don't set your expectations to high. Besides.. you two have each other and that is your real family.
2007-04-23 17:08:55 · answer #1 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for a dose of tough love.
Most heavy drinkers are alcoholics. Alcoholics don't change, they just manage to stay sober or make due with less alcohol. It's possible your family knows what everybody else knows, and they know that sooner or later, he's going to be hitting the bottle, and probably you, and they don't need the drama.
Has he really stopped drinking? Has he gotten counseling and gone faithfully to AA meetings? Have you gone to an Al-Anon or CODA meeting?
I don't know the guy, but I know the statistics. If he was getting angry when he was drinking before, it's going to happen again. And he'll blame the booze for beating you, or worse. When he's sober, he will be sincere about not wanting to lose you or hurt you, but that addiction is stronger than your love or his good intentions. Until it's under control, you are at risk.
Please let your family know you need their support, even if they don't want to be best buddies with your man. And please, please, find a group and talk to somebody about what you're going through - they've been there too and they understand! That kind of support can help your man be the man he wants to be for you, too. When your family sees how proud you are of him, and how happy you are together, and how healthy your relationship is, they will come around and recognize his changes!
2007-04-23 17:17:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not coming around you is their choice. If he is truely sorry for his actions toward your family they should be supportive to the both of you! I realize that he may have not painted a pretty picture in his drunken state but if he is following a program and making an effort here they need to accept your choice this one last time if he really means it. It will be their loss on you staying home on all future holidays if they cannot accept an apology. Nobody is perfect and people that don't understand alcoholism have no idea what the two of you are up against. I don't know to what extent he harmed his relationship with them .....but he could possibly send them all a letter explaining himself with a brochure on A.A........ I hope you also understand that he needs to attend meetings so that he never returns back to his problem? Find out from somebody qualified on how to rebuild relationships that have beed harmed from someones drinking problem. I wish you and your man all the luck in the world. He is trying and that is good!
2007-04-23 17:29:37 · answer #3 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family loves you and it will take time to see if he has changed. If he had a drinking problem then he should seek AA. It is a great program and works wonders with people. If he does not seek AA their is a huge chance he will return to drinking again. Your family wants the best for you .they do not want to see you hurt because of a drinking problem. They must of seen more then you are saying and that is why they do not want to go around him.
2007-04-23 17:09:28 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm no longer an expert on something. With that reported it sounds like classic PTSD. this is happening around exceptionally much all and sundry. this is fortunate he continues to be interior the army. a minimum of the militia would be certain which you and your little ones are being taken care of. you have greater potential to make him do whats ideal than a civilian ex-better half. i'm so sorry. i can declare that issues gets lots greater beneficial with time as long as you do no longer provide up on your self and the youngsters.
2016-10-13 08:20:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get them to come around. You can just continue to make an effort with them, but it might not work especially if they are really uppity and can't give anyone a second chance. If that is the case, it's your family's problem and you just have to accept that. You can't change other people, but you can hope they'll come around one of these days. It might just take some time. They may think his recovery is temporary.
2007-04-23 17:10:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they won't come to your house, perhaps you can take him to their house when you go to visit them. And if they only invite you and exclude him, that's not right either. To make them see that you and your man are one and committed, don't accept any invitations unless you can both go. Once you're both there, they'll have an opportunity to be with him, and see how he has changed.
Your man can also help to make amends and redeem himself by talking to your family. He can mention how wrong he was when he drank, that he realized that he hurt you and your family, that's he's sorry, and that he asks for their forgiveness.
2007-04-27 12:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't push the issue - it is really hard to just forgive and forget someone who is an alcoholic - believe me, I know. It will take quite some time for them to even want to trust him because the odds of him returning to the booze are very high. Yes, it does hurt - but you must understand that just because YOU want them to see does NOT make them bad. Patience... you need patience... know in your heart and in his that he DID IT!! Nobody else's opinion should really matter.
2007-04-23 17:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said he "stopped drinking the hard stuff" if he is drinking beer that is STILL an alcoholic, and your family has every right to not want to be around him. His drinking beer, wine or "the hard stuff" isn't their fault.
2007-04-23 17:22:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be seated at church every Sunday and coffee afterward. Have family pictures taken, classy conservative pics and give a framed pic to them. Lastly, they come around when this goes on for 6 to 12 months. Hope he has changed cause if its for real...........they'll warm up.
2007-04-23 17:10:15 · answer #10 · answered by kim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋