Who do you side with in this scenario?

Question

"Susan" and "David" are in a long term relationship and planning to marry this year or next.

Susan left college and moved out of state to help David pursue his career. David and Susan moved 5 times in 4 years; all over the country for his work, but now they are settled in one town. Susan, because of her sacrifice, now has no degree, minimal job experience, no friends. She does not resent her choice, but she resents the fact that David does not acknowledge all that she has done for him. David is pushing Susan to gain employment somewhere, but all that can be found for women in her situation pays little over minimum wage, whereas David makes almost $100,000 a year. Susan is now accustomed to staying home, and is rather happy to be a "housewife". Should Susan take a low paying job simply to please David? Should David be thankful for what Susan already does?

Answer 1

Susan and David should have discussed this before she left college and moved 5 times for his career. I realize that doesn't help them much now, but perhaps it will help some of the thousands of readers here at Y! answers.

As for the two of them, Susan taking a minimum wage job is not going to improve their combined after-tax situation very much, and David should realize that. What would seem more reasonable to me is for Susan to be a good housewife and cook, which will help David's situation more then a little extra income but less free time (since if she works he'll have to do more around the house). Alternatively, Susan could continue to pursue education. There is no immediate need for Susan to contribute a small amount of money, Susan could resume her education and start earning a lot more money a few years down the road. She'd probably find that more satisfying, and as a couple, it would boost their lifetime income far more then her working low end jobs.

Answer 2

Susan could take a part-time job and be a housewife.

Yes, David should be thankful she did all these things so he could gain experience in a career. David should be reminded that Susan left college for their future.

But.. from experience.. Susan will get bored of staying home.. it will drive her crazy.. So susan getting that part time job will help her meet people and bring in some entertainment money for the two of them. Plus, working a 40 hour work week or more and keeping a house is a tall order. If David wants Susan to work full time he better beable to spilt the chore list up and help her out. Part-time she can do both keep the house and a job

Answer 3

The best choice would be for "Susan" to go back to college. Being a housewife isn't really ideal if you have no kids. "Susan" could become very lonely and what happens if "David" loses his job or gets injured and can't work. I'm sure "David" does see the things "Susan" has sacraficed. However, that was HER choice and should not use that to win an arguement on if she should stay home. Maybe they can come to an agreement and maybe "Susan" can get a part time job just to fill some time in her day. Marriage is about compromise.

Answer 4

David should be most thankful
Susan can always be a stay at home housewife but pick up college classes at night or during the day..even a community college.
No reason why you (or err.. susan lol) should have to sacrifice her own education .. for any reason.. W h a t s o e v e r. An education isn't just about getting a better paying job.. you want to be well rounded right?
David shouldn't be so pushy, and Susan should let him know that she doesnt regret her decision but she expects the same amount of respect and understanding, not to mention- SUPPORT that she gave david during all of those moves..
Best advice- go back to school for something she loves, and stay at home if she loves that too.. Try and make some friends (im in a similar situation, and used to be surrounded by so many friends..but not anymore) -- You'll make more friends by going back to school, and after your married- perhap you can work from home??

Hope i could help :)

Answer 5

I think that David should be more appreciative of what Susan has given up, to be with him and to support him. I think that Susan could maybe find a part-time job (to placate David) but one that she could enjoy, where she could socialize and make friends, and then maybe take classes if there's a community college or something nearby. That way, she'll be making friends and gaining her own social circle, working will make David happy, and going to classes will make Susan feel like she is still accomplishing something in the long run. She can still have her dreams while helping David live his, and if he's not supportive of that, then Susan should find someone who can appreciate her and give as much as she has given in the past 5 years.

Answer 6

It's easy for an outsider to make snap judgments, but this happens all the time in relationships. In this case, my first reaction is to side with Susan.

But I also have to ask whether Susan and David bothered to talk about "down the road" before they got settled. Did Susan agree then to work or continue her college education? Does their current financial situation require additional income? What is David's motivation for Susan getting a job?

Communication has failed here, somewhere, and before I could really say either person gets my vote, I think they need to talk together, re-evaluate their goals as individuals and as a couple, and respect each other's contributions.

Answer 7

Susan and David should talk about this situation. David should be able to tell Susan how much he appreciates her sacrifice of moving from town to town to support him in his career. Susan, in return, should not be upset that David's career has moved them from town to town. Seems like David is making pretty good money to support him and Susan. They should also talk about if it is really a necessity for Susan to work (for the financial safety of the home) and if so, David should be supportive in whatever employment Susan can find. If Susan does not need to work, then David needs to express his reason for wanting her to get that job. Maybe he thinks Susan sits at home all day watching TV and eating bon bons? In any case, David and Susan need to bring the positives into light and let the negatives go. Relationships are give and take and sometimes you get the crap end of things. Communication is really the key to any relationship.

Answer 8

How does Susan define being a "Housewife"?

Does she
keep the the house clean?
have dinner on the table when David comes home?
run errands for David while he is at work?
stay in shape and give David a sex life that would be the envy of most men?

Or does she
Watch the soap operas ever day?
spend hours on the phone to her mother?
demand that she be taken out to dinner every night regardless of how tired David is?
sit around eating and getting fat?

If the answer to the fist set of questions is mostly yes, then David has nothing to complain about. If the answers to the second set of questions is mostly yes, David may want to get Susan up off her fat @$$ for her own good.

Answer 9

David should be thankful...but that doesn't mean he will be. Susan should go to school and get a degree so she can make more than David and THEN LEAVE DAVID! okay, maybe not that drastic...or Susan can do volunteer work instead since David doesn't really need the income. if my husband made 100K..i'd definitely stay home with the kids. but then..David may be warning Susan about leaving her and doesn't want to leave her homeless once he kicks her out. Careful, Susan.

Answer 10

Susan should go back to school and finish her degree... Then seek gainful employment... Finishing her degree will enable Susan to get a better paying job.. Which will come in handy should she stay with David or eventually leave...

Both Susan and David should attend couples counseling and be honest with themselves and each other about their feeling, hopes, and dreams...

Susan and David have a troubled relationship and they are not even married, before they get married they need to get their relationship squared away or things will quickly go from troubled to worse...

College is a great place to meet friends as well...