How can i make myself stop?

Question

Ever since i found out i miscarried last year, i've felt sort of depressed/sad about having a baby. For some reason i can't make myself STOP wanting to have a baby with my fiance. We aren't married yet, i'm still in school, we don't have enough money, or a place to stay yet, we have nothing but each other and yet i can't stop being SAD! i want to be HAPPY! but all i can think about is wanting to have his baby... and how it just CAN'T happen, not now. is there something wrong with me??? why do i feel like this i want to stop!

Answer 1

We lost our first baby at almost 5 months along and I know how much it hurts to lose a baby. I also understand how much you want to have another baby. Just make sure you're emotionally ready and want it for the right reasons. You can't replace the child you lost. But if you really want a child, a child will make you happy. We don't have a lot of money and barely make it paycheck to paycheck, but we tried again and now have a 9 month old son. We can't imagine life without him and he has been such a blessing. I was also not done with school. I took off a semester and went back and am going to graduate in two weeks. Everything is harder with a baby, but I think it's worth it.

Answer 2

It's very normal. I say that because after my first miscarriage (of 2 total in 1 1/2 years), I couldn't stand to not be pregnant anymore. When my cycle started over again, I cried and cried and yelled, "I should still be pregnant-- I don't want to start over!" It was traumatic. The only thing that helped was time. And I felt very bitter when I heard of the many friends and extended family members that were suddenly pregnant or having babies. It was horrible. I avoided everyone for months. I know how you feel... I've SO been there. And it's raw and sad and feels endless- I know. Still, there will come a time when everything falls into place and you'll know that it's better that next time when life is more stable. Looking back, I can see several reasons why it wouldn't have been good timing for my husband and I to have had a baby- at the time I didn't care- I just wanted the baby. Now I'm a little wiser and pregnant again- this time it's been a very healthy baby so far- and I know your time will come, too. Waiting sucks- I couldn't agree more- but try to focus on you and grieving so that when you DO get pregnant again, you can go into it without worry and paranoia. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

You sound like you *might* be suffering from depression, and if that's the case you should probably wait to get yourself in a better frame of mind before trying to have a baby. Particularly if you don't have enough money or a place to live which can be depressing in itself...so you certainly shouldn't bring a baby into that situation. Then you're really going to be depressed because of not being able to provide for your baby, plus it's not fair to the baby (although it happens all the time, what I mean is, to plan a pregnancy while under the circumstances your life is currently in would be irresponsible.)

I know how it feels to want a baby NOW, but there's nothing wrong with you...I do think you should seek out a counselor or therapist to work through this though.

I know you won't want to hear this, but when the time is right, you'll know, and the wait will have been WELL worth it. (((HUGS)))

Answer 4

It sounds like you are going thru some serious depression, you should talk to a doctor and see if they will put put you on something, like Zoloft for example, that is what they give women who have postpartum depression. It is totally harmless and it will help you. As far as wanting to have a baby with your fiance, thats fine, but I suggest waiting until your married and are a little more financially ready! You could have miscarried because it just wasnt time. Be patient, you'll get your baby soon enough and you'll be happier that you waited until you are more financially ready. Take my word for it, my fiance is the only one working right now, our baby is two months old, and although I wouldnt trade her for the world, I wish we would have waited a little longer, atleast until we had a better place to stay and more money. Babies are VERY expensive and even with all the government help available, it still gets hard to make it through the month sometimes!!!

Answer 5

It's normal to have feelings like that after a loss but you just ran down you and your fiance's situation and it doesn't sound condusive to having and raising a child at the moment. So maybe you need to sit and think about why the misscarriage happened in the first place. Maybe it was a sign from God that it's not the proper time and although it is painful, look at it as a blessing in disguise. If you guys are getting married then you have plenty of time to make a family so chill and focus on bettering your lives so you can give a child all that it needs and wants. I mean how fare is it to have a child and make it suffer because you and your fiance don't even have your lives together? If you really want to do this right just make that your focus for now. Focus on building a life with him that will comfortably support you guys and a child.

Answer 6

My husband and I started out pretty much the same way you and your boyfriend are. I was in school, only 18, and I was living with my mom when we found out I was pregnant, and we weren't married then neither. We fortunatley got luck to be blessed with a baby boy in November 2001. Then I miscarried in 2003. Found out I was pregnant in August 2004. Had that baby in 2005 and miscarried again last year. I am now pregnant with my last baby and hoping all goes well. If you really want a baby you can make it happen. As long as you and your boyfriend are happy I think that all you need is love to make a lot of things work. My advice to you would be to talk to your boyfriend and see what he thinks. A lot of girls or women miscarry atleast 1 time in their lives and maybe that was your 1 time. I wish you the best of luck and god bless. Everything will turn out for the best.

Answer 7

This is to baby Doll.... I was 19 when i first got pregnant.. I was living in a bad situation.. and had no money no support for this baby.. i misscarried at 12 weeks.. I was heartbroken I couldnt get it outta my head I wanted to have another baby.. This was about 1 year ago.. Now Im pregnant again... 4 months to be exact..Im just fiinnishing up collage and Im not married i have a bf.. Even though I wanted this baby sooo bad after i had the misscarrige a year ago.. Im soo overwhlmed now and i realize that i dont think this is really what i wanted.... My whole life is now interupted... Hun The best advice i can give u Is wait.. If yur fiance loves u he will wait too... Wait until u have what u need to provide to yur baby... It wont be to late a year from now or even 3 years from now to have that baby... Just wait

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear about your previous miscarriage, i do understand however how you must be feeling. It’s the norm for persons like you to feel depressed but you are not alone.Nothing is wrong with you it is not entirely your fault, it maybe Jesus' decision.You stated you really want to have a child but with the impending situations (school, financial problem and housing). I wouldn’t suggest that you try to get pregnant. You should know that a child is not like furniture or something one can buy at the grocery store and be brought back if not satisfied with what it needs. A child needs to be nurtured and cared for 24hrs. Being a parent is the biggest job anyone in the world could have. So I suggest that you visit a therapist before you make any hasty decisions.

Answer 9

Start saving and get a place to stay with your fiance that is your own place, you can just get cheap furniture to put you on you dont need great stuff when you first get a place. When you are more stable and secure you will find getting pregnant a lot easier as there will be less to worry about. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are im feeling the same about my miscarriage and my fiances mum said to me "It just leaves more fun for trying again" i asked her what she meant and she said to stop dwellng on the baby that can no longer be n dont think about having a baby just have fun making the baby and it will come a lot easier which sounds stupid but very true

Answer 10

Actually it's fine to think that way. WHen you wre pregnant u experineced a new love for ur fiance, by knowing u were carrying a part of him in you. So you want that back. Your time will come be patient. God bless you. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago. I finally had a baby 6 weeks ago. Up until the birth of my daughter I was sad. It takes a while to get over something like that. U never get over it. U just learn to cope with it.