I'm 21, I have two kids, not married but still with her, I want out but I love my kids. What do I do?

Answer 1

If you love your kids as much as you say you do....you need to try and work it out. Talk to her, let her know how your feeling and why. Hopefully she'll be understanding.

Answer 2

This isn't the easiest of choices. It's time to reconsider your values here. You love your kids and want the best for them but you dont want to stay with the mother. Obviously, the love that connected the two of you is gone. Have you talked with your woman? There's no way to regain that love? That would be my first try. If nothing can be done to fix the relationship then ask yourself, dont you deserve to be happy as well? You have the right to find your other half. I believe there's someone out there for everyone. It's all up to you. This is a choice you should take the time to consider. Think things through before taking any actions.

Answer 3

All of the responses above are good responses if you assume that the woman you're with is reasonable and ultra forgiving. Maybe she wants out, too, and the brunt of the hurt won't be felt? If not, if she's still hopeless about you, then there's a problem. MOST women your age are not reasonable when it comes to emotions. (Most women MY age aren't reasonable when it comes to emotions...including me.)

Too many times in divorce and break ups, the kids suffer because one parent (or both) is vindictive against the other parent. If she's this type of person, she will do everything in her power to make sure you can't contact your kids, but pay a huge load in child support, all the while talking about you in not-so-good ways to your kids. (I know plenty of mothers who have done this.) It's called parental alienation and it happens all of the time. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it as it's not considered child abuse. (It should be!)

If there is ANYTHING salvageable about your relationship, hang on to that for dear life. Go to counseling.

If all else fails, find someone else for HER so that she leaves you and feels bad for it so that you can see your kids. It's a dirty way to play, but sometimes you have to for the sake of the kids.

Answer 4

When you divorce someone, you are not divorcing your kids. Kids are pretty resilient and, with time, they adapt. If you love them, then they will know that.....its the love they will feel whether you are with their mother or not. Probably, as they get older and if you stay in the marriage, then they would have picked up on your unhappiness. Parents think they are doing the right thing by staying for the sake of the kids, but sometimes kids wished their parents had split up because they hated being raised in an unhappy home. You can still be a father to them and not be living with their mother. You probably would have more time with them if you were separated because you wouldnt be unhappy and would really enjoy your time with the kids without the stress of knowing you have to be a "husband" to your wife.

You are very young.....there is so much of life you havent experienced yet....You can be a wonderful father even if you dont live with their mother. If you stay because of the kids, then what next.....what about when the kids grow up? What will you and your wife have in commom then?....and will it be too late for you to leave? By that time you would have built up some material possessions, so maybe you would stay because you dont want to lose them. There will always be something that you will think about that is reason enough to stay. Maybe your wife will have become so reliant on you that when you really have had enough you wont be able to leave her because you feel sorry for her.

I have a friend...he is 55 now....his kids are adults and live independently. He was 19, like you, when she fell pregnant. He felt pressured from his mother to "do the right thing" and marry this girl. He wanted to be a fighter pilot, he wanted to go to University, but she got pregnant and all his dreams withered away. He went from a teenager, enjoying life, to a responsible husband and father overnight. He had to find a good job so as he could support his wife and children. He just fell into this role....he felt he didnt have a choice. He has been miserable for 34 years. He stayed, firstly because of the kids, then secondly because the wife would play these emotional blackmail games that if he left she would kill herself. He wants to leave this sham of a marriage so badly, but the ties that have bound him to the marriage have been welded so tightly to him for over 36 years, that he is finding it impossible to break lose.

If you stay for the kids, then something else will crop up to make you feel responsible to stay. Break lose now, dont do what my friend did........he regrets he didnt leave when he was younger because he now feels too old to "start again".

You have a life to live and your kids will be fine. Don't stay in a loveless marriage....you are too young to be in a relationship out of responsibility and guilt.

Take care

Answer 5

You are so young. Why on earth did you saddle yourself down with two kids at this early age? Weren't you using protection? Just because you don't want to be with their mother, doesn't mean you don't love your children. Just keep in touch with the kids as much as you can. It would probably be a good idea to get some legal advice. Try and be more careful with your future relationships...I'm telling you this as the mother of two grow sons...be careful.

Answer 6

Okay, then get out. Loving your kids doesn't need to end simply because the relationship with your partner ends.

Kids are very perceptive...they know when things aren't "right" at home...often, they are better off when the parents are apart and making their own way more happily, than living as a family where there is tension or fighting or unhappiness.

Kids are very resilient...they'll be fine...keep them top in your priority list, as you move on down a path that is better for you than your current one...

Answer 7

I really have to disagree with everyone who said to stay together for the kids. Its really NOT a good idea to do that b/c the message that you are sending to you children is that its OK to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. You are teaching your children to not have respect for themselves! My parents divorced when I was 2 and I truthfully cant even IMAGINE what life would have been like had they stayed together just for MY sake. We would have ALL be miserable!

If you no longer want to be with thier mother, then leave! Just MAKE SURE that your children KNOW how much you love and adore them! Also make sure to spend as much time w/ them as possible and try and get joint custody if you can.

Its TRUE that once you have children that THIER needs MUST come before your own but you have to take care of yourself if you are going to be of ANY good to your children! It is also important that they learn was love really is from example and they are NOT going to learn that in a home where the parents dont love one another! They will be MUCH better off if both of you go your seperate ways (try to keep a relationship that is friendly btwn the two of you), find TRUE love w/ someone else and raise your children TOGETHER but live seperate lives!

I am married to a wonderful man and we have 2 children of our own. He also has one child from a previous relationship and I KNOW how awful it wouldve been for my step son to grow up in the enviroment that he would have had they stayed together. It took a good 3 years for all of us to come to some sort of "working relationship" but it DID happen! Now my step son has FOUR parents who dearly love him and would do anything for him. He is HAPPY, healthy and well adjusted! But we ALWAYS keep in mind that WE are the adults and he is the child and the one being affected by EVERYTHING that we do and/or say! We make SURE NEVER to badmouth each other in front of him. We also make it a point to do things ALL TOGETHER as a family. For example, every year my husband, 2 kids and I all go down to GA (where they live) and spend the weekend with them. We stay at THIER house and do things ALL TOGETHER as a family (going to movies, playing board games, etc). It may be a bit uncomfortable for US adults but it means the WORLD to my step son!! He sees FIRST HAND how we can all get along for his benefit and that puts his mind AND HEART at ease!! He sees us talking, laughing and just basically getting along! He also sees firsthand how love is SUPPOSED to be from all of us! He sees how much his father and I love one another and also how much his mother and her husband love each other!

It may not be a PERFECT situation but its the best we can do w/ the hand that we have been dealt!! Hope that helps!

Answer 8

First ask yourself why do you want out? Then talk to the mother of your 2 children. And then go from there. Try to make it clear to the mother that you still want to be involved with your children. And don't have a really big argument, that will benifit no one, especially the childeren. Don't lose the children, but don't fight over them either.

Answer 9

if you want out .. by all means go.. you can still be a good father without having to be with the mother...

its better for the kids to have 2 happy, seperated parents, then 2 parents together who are miserable and always fighting. you both deserve to have someone who will cherish the other person.

good luck to you both...just be honest with her... do it in a mature fashion...no arguing...just talk with her and let her know how you feel...that you just arent into it anymore...but be 100% of how you feel....

Answer 10

If your not happy with her I would just tell her, cause it would hurt more to have a guy stay with you cause of the kids and not cause he loves you. they are your kids too so I wouldnt worry. it might take some money and time, but you can have everything settled with a lawyer. and who knows if shes nice about it maybe you can just settle something with her. you have all rights to your children just like her. as long as you let your kids know you love them and you do everything for them, I dont think it would hurt to sit with her and tell her the truth.