My husband sent an e mail to his ex for her Birthday?

Question

My husband sent an e mail to his ex of 10 years and professed to her how lucky he was to meet her and have the opportunity to experience love with her.closed the e mail saying , i love you . Is this cheating? I am so upset , I feel betrayed , I want to leave him - I suspected cheating before but couldn't prove it.

I agree with all of you that this is a sign of betrayal, or the coming or not passing of something. So you guys know he left AOL open and that is why I looked - it was right in my face. I told him it is over and he says there is nothing going on he only said that because it was her 40th milestone( whatever) He went as far as swearing on his dead parents and our 22 month old that he has never been sexual or seen her since we met. I feel like his is a stranger now! I am so confused - Not that I believe him 100% but damn it - we just bought a house and have a baby. I hate this crap!! one day life just changes!

Answer 1

OMG..... Of course this is cheating, cheating is not only having sex with someone else, its the way you feel towards that person and your actions. saying I love you to someone else is cheating and leading that person on is cheating.
he don't love you if he did that and yes, you should leave him. You need someone who loves you and will be faithful to you.
I am speechless right now.

Answer 2

It depends. All relationships need closure. That usually doesn't come until much later; and part of that process only happens during a new more fulfilling relationship (i.e. your marriage).

If he sends these types of letters, regularly, then let him know that you consider it a betrayal. It sounds like he remembered it was her birthday and took the opportunity to get some closure. It was probably the foundation of your marriage that allowed him to view the past from a place of love; instead of hurt. That's a good thing. Just make sure he knows that you don't want them being friends, hanging out, etc.

P.S. If he showed you the email, he didn't really betray you.

Answer 3

I think you need to have an honest talk with your husband and figure out what you both want out of your marriage. He is emotionally attached to this person there's no doubt about that. Question, How did you read his e-mail? If you feel betrayed then so will he when you tell him you read his mail. The best thing to do is have a heart to heart talk about what you to feel and what you want out of your lives. You can then decide together what you will do with your marriage. Are you both still willing to fight for each other? Be calm and don't yell because that will get you no where. Just remember that your apart of what your marriage has become. Be kind to each other during this and try to figure out what's best for both of you. Remember you loved each other once and no doubt still love each other in your own ways.

Answer 4

Not necessarily - there are a lots of different ways to love someone, and many are totally non-romantic/sexual. It's prefectly likely that he values her as a person and loves her as a friend - maybe she was there for him at a difficult point in his life, or helped him through some personal issues, and he's grateful for that.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt before assuming betrayal - ask him about the message and what he meant by telling her "I love you." If he gets defensive or angry, then he might be hiding something. If he assures you that he cares for her a friend, but loves you as his wife and love of his life, then try trusting him.
Alo, consider couples therapy before renouncing the marriage.

Answer 5

Okay it's one thing to send a simple birthday card, but when he is putting something in it...that it sounds like someting that he should be saying to YOU...that's is a little odd.

~I think you should do a little digging and play Sherlock, because I'm sorry but I would be wondering myself.

**And she is an ex for a reason so why in the world would he be proclaiming that to her....when he is with you. If he wasn't over her, then he should have not gotten back into the dating scene. I think that is very disrespectful towards you in every way.

**Yeah you need to do some digging and/or sit down with him and ask him what is going on. **

~You don't need that. So find out.

Answer 6

That's horrible! Sorry you're having to go through this. I personally think the content of the email alone is "cheating" regardless if he's doing anything else with her. See if you can get him to go to a marriage counselor and talk about it there. Divorce is a big decision and no one can decide that except for you, it really should be a last resort.

Answer 7

I don't think that is really cheating persay but more a prelude to cheating. It sounds as if he is trying to get back with his ex. I bet you do feel betrayed, any one would. If you have suspected of him cheating before and then he did this, chances are he did cheat. So get out of there and find some one that does deserve some one as special as you.

Answer 8

Sit him down and talk to him about it. If he feels uncomfortable about it or you're picking up the fact that he may still love her than you have 2 choices.
1. Marriage Counseling
2. Divorce
Marriage counseling may help or could make things worse. Divorce is a huge step and you may have trouble getting through all the aftermath but sometimes it's the best thing to do. Good luck.

Answer 9

I guess it's possible that he never fully got over her and needed to do something for closure. Still not cool, but it's not exactly cheating.

Just wanted to throw that possibility out there, since everyone else seems to recommend divorce. Everyone is so tough when giving OTHER people advice.

Answer 10

I would go berserk!!! What the hell is he playing at.
I would tell him that u know and see what kind of explanation you get back.
I honestly dont know what i would do,Probably leave him,I would not trust him after that.
Its up to you,See what he says first,But if he had simply said happy birthday it wouldnt be so bad,That is just too much!!

GOOD LUCK.