Mt bf & I have been 2gether for 2.5 yrs, he has always been lovely, sweet, caring & gentle. we got engaged last yr & I thought everything was great. On Xmas day, his phone rang with 'Kelly' i asked who Kelly was, cos I thought i knew all his friends, he said she was a girl at work, i said 'why dont you answer?' and he got v.v. annoyed (which is not like him) he confessed eventually he had feelings for her but hadnt done anything & they had just been texting. i didnt believe him & said i would call his bluff & ring her myself, i did & she told me they had been seeing eachother for 2 weeks & had kissed, he had told her he had split up with me! i told him to get out my flat & didnt see him for a week. we started talking again in the new yr & decided to give it another go - he quit his job & changed his mob no. & as far as im aware has had no contact with her, he's been good & has answered all my questions & has been patient but i cant get over it. its killing me. he is 19 & i am 25.
2007-04-23 08:41:08 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The age difference speaks volumes. You're at a point where you are ready to settle down, he won't be ready for 5 more years! I'm sure he didn't intend to hurt you, but you have to see that his behavior is typical and normal for a young man his age. I'm sure it is very painful for you, but perhaps your expectations were a bit unrealistic, considering his age and inexperience. If you are dating him with a view to have a life-time commitment and you believe he is mature enough to want the same, then forgive him and move on with the relationship, but let him know that if anything like this happens again, you will have to end it.
2007-04-23 08:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Jaime,
I would look elsewhere. Actually he did do something he lied to you. If he cant even be honest with you. You deserve someone who is has all the above characteristics you mentioned in your question. My question is why would you want someone back who would treat you in that way. Hes 19 sounds like hes taking advantage of you staying with you your a older. Stand up be strong show him that you can be much more without him, dont call him back and he will find out he may have lost the best thing sent his way. YOU. and he lost that why because he lied .....gl
2007-04-23 16:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by GA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably should see a physical person over this and not get answers off of Yahoo... BUT (here are my two cents)... If he was capable of cheating on you once, he is capable of cheating on you again (he might not, but he is capable). Are you willing to go through the heartache again?
Why do men cheat? I actually know the answer to this and it is very simple. Even though you have steak at home, that hot dog sure looks good sometimes.
I don't know the nuances of this coward like you do, but it sounds like if you want to give it another go... keep him as a close friend (no sex and no living together) for a while. Trust me, if he can survive the "no sex" part for about six months he probably won't cheat on you again. A little bit of negative/positive reinforcement.
Just my two cents.
2007-04-23 15:56:43 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy Studying Law 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Couples' counseling. If you are interested in preserving this relationship, then counseling is the BEST thing you can do to try to accomplish this. I highly recommend it. His willingness to try it will demonstrate how serious he is about the relationships, and it will provide the both of you with the means of patching things up and give you strategies for forgiveness, and him strategies for acting more mature.
Take a couple of days. Talk to your friends and family. Then sit and think about how you feel. Ask yourself where you want to be in ten years. After all this, if you still see yourself with this guy, try the couple's counseling. If not, then you know what you must do. It is time to move on. Dump him and get on with your life. He is young and immature, and if he did it once, he could do it again. There are other fish in the sea. Good luck!
2007-04-23 15:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Julz is right. Find a man at least in his early 30's. Decent job, steady income, tired of playin' and looking to settle down. Your 19 y/o boyfriend is just being your typical 19 y/o male.
2007-04-23 16:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by Sam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a fragile thing and it is not easily repaired once broken. If he is being good to you and not acting up he may have learned his lesson. Keep in mind he is young and easily swayed but that is no excuse for violating your trust. You have two options, forgive and forget and move on with your love or let him go since you cannot forget about it. If you cheat then you are no better than him. Jesus forgives all sins and you should too, look into your heart and forget it. don't throw it away over a foolish mistake. Forgive him and love each other.
2007-04-23 15:49:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you chose to forgive him and let him come back then unfortunately you are the one that has to get over it. I am a firm believer that once a man realizes he can get away with it then he will. Either go and seek counseling to learn how to let this go or let him go. I was trying to not comment on the age, but he was 17 when you met him... he's immature unless you are too.
2007-04-23 15:47:40 · answer #7 · answered by A B 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He did it once, and lied about it...what's to stop him from doing it again? He disrespectdc you and the woman at work. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that...if he'd fessed up right away, and admitted he screwed up MAYBE there'd be room for forgiveness...but he lied to you and her.
He's got oats to sow...he's not ready to be tied down at 19...maybe in a few years he'll be a keeper for someone.
Maybe it's just because I'm older (42) but I don't tolerate nonsense like that...he'd be gone if he were someone I was dating.
2007-04-23 15:47:17 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow, that is an age difference that you really need to think about. Current research says that male brains esp are not completely developed and aware of consequences until 25. That said, it does seem that he is doing everything he can to prove himself to you. It will be up to you if you can get past it. If he has done nothing else to make you uncomfortable about him or the relationship, then it is a choice that YOU have to make to get past it.
2007-04-23 15:47:59 · answer #9 · answered by happylittlemom 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Read my posts...I am in your same situation. Go to couples counseling if you have any desire to make things work both for the relationship and your own peace of mind.
2007-04-23 16:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋