Married with a mental disorder question?

Question

For those of you married to someone with a personality disorder (like narcissism or Borderline personality disorder). Is it difficult for people to understand what you’re going through? Does your spouse hide it very well with everyone else and play the part of a great person but does some of the nastiest things to you? I find it very difficult to discuss anything about what goes on in my house with anyone because they look at me like I’m nuts. They look at you like “not the person you’re married to. They’re great”. And others just find it impossible that a marriage could be like that. They almost think you’re lying. For those of you that are married to someone like this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It drives you mad. How do you cope without wanted to shout to the world “Hello I’m not the screwed up one. My spouse is insane at home. She saves it only for me to see!” I want to expose her and say “see this is what she’s like”. She’s not some great therapist for kids! Actually she treats her own kids like crap! It’s maddening. I even taped her and played the tape for her about a month ago during one of her outbursts where she was yelling profanities. She couldn’t believe I did that and doesn’t trust me now. I told her I just wanted to record her just so she could see how she gets! She was only concerned with whether or not I let anyone hear it. Hello? I did! How do you cope!

Answer 1

My brother-in-law has bi-polar disorder. Only he's never been diagnosed with it because he swears he doesn't have a problem. It's everyone around him that has a problem, according to him. He acts totally normal around us, but my sister has told us how he is at home (of course, she doesn't let him know that she tells us about it). Like you, she's tried recording him, but when she tried to calmly talk to him about it so he can watch himself, he smashed the camcorder into pieces. The only good thing to say about him at this point, is that he doesn't get violent towards my sister or the kids, but instead to objects, like the camcorder or the car (he smashed the headlights out of the car once). He turns from the happiest he's ever been to the angriest he's ever been in a matter of minutes. It's horrible for my sister. She never knows what mood he'll be in, so she's to the point now where she won't even speak to him until he speaks first. I feel for you dude, I really do, just as I feel for my sister. But, like I told her, if it's taking a toll on her, it's not worth it and to leave him. But, she thinks he will get violent towards her if she tries. So, I don't know what to tell you, other than I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I couldn't imagine having to live like that. Hopefully, one day she will realize what she's doing and change. Maybe if you threaten to leave her, it will wake her up.

Answer 2

There is al public persona that is different from the real persona. A person with a personality disorder will not show their true colors to others outside the home to keep the public persona intact.
People with psicological problems prefer to torture and destroy the ones that they love the most, because they don't get the same pleasure by torturing others. They treat strangers their best and save the worst for home.

If I was you, I'll get a lawyer.

Good luck

Answer 3

He fools most people until they get to know him. (NPD). Then they avoid him or they become sympathetic towards me. He has moved out now and it has taken about a year but I am now feeling quite free.

They are very good at conning the spouses. That is why they usually leave before the spouse does. They have such good games that make you feel good that you forget about the horrible times that they make you feel bad. If you have kids, it is harder because they are also good at conning the kids.

I read "Why does he DO that?". It helped me a lot to realize that I was justifiably angry and that HE WAS THE NUT, not me.

Therapy helps. The trick is to get them to believe tha they need therapy, That is the hard part. Bad parenting is generally the cause.

Answer 4

you ought to have took her to the standard practitioner and have been given her on the meds to assist with the bi polar disease. replaced into she by twist of destiny suicidal in any respect? i know some approximately this disease and comprehend it thoroughly. my brother is bi polar and it runs in familys and would have it myself. you somewhat ought to have examine up in this ailment to appreciate it by way of fact in incredibly trouble-free procedures you are able to flick the combating up. very small issues can set those human beings off. i dont know how undesirable she has it or something by way of fact she wasnt clinically determined. i havent been yet the two yet am enormously da*n specific i'm. I even have moments the place i hit scream cry run exterior to be on my own and think of approximately how terrible i replaced into however the others in my life would desire to correctly known the thank you to regulate me to calm me down and such. i'd say deliver her a message or some thing tellin her the way you sense and how sorry for a manner it ended and how you do love her. she would be able to somewhat rejoice with it. see she is finding at is as her fault for being the way she is which she cant help in any respect. in step with possibility it gets you a minimum of on an ok point. stable luck and be very compassionate together with her!

Answer 5

Well it sounds like you really have your hands full. I think you should seek some counseling yourself, then add her into it. I t sounds like she needs to be medicated and you need to know that you and your children can be safe. Maybe she felt helpless when you showed her a video of how she reacts.Sounds like you should get on some kind of medical help for her and get some counseling for you. Watch out for your kids why should they suffer. Your kids should be safe.

Answer 6

Any good psychiatrist will tell you to disengage this person from your life. I hope you don't think you're going to change her. So you can live in misery or divorce her and get on with your life. Control freaks are all over the place, not just in your house. Good luck to you on this one.

Answer 7

you dont cope, you quit wasting your life. why bother getting eveidence to prove to others?.. what do others have to do with anything?.... so what if they would believe you ?... would it change anything?

I was in this situation and got out with my last breath... I am pretty sure you have lowered your standarts to "survivel" trather than uphoria... rais your standards, and quit trying to prove she is bad.... just know what you will accept in yout life and what you will not

here is a sobering quote from the one time I saw her therepist after we were done....." regardless of how sick she is/was, you are equaly sick in the opposite direction for putting up with it........... think about that, and fix yourself first.... good luck!

Answer 8

I'll pray for you.