Ok, I'm the sister...My oldest sister is having a baby...Actually, I have 2 sisters having a baby this summer within 2 weeks apart...One lives in east coast and one lives in west coast...Now, here's the deal...Trying to prepare a shower for Sis #1 w/her MIL and my Mom...We have a small family and at first having a shower w/just the ladies at a local buffet place was an idealistic and most cost effective...Now the MIL offers to have it at her house since she sd that babysitter was going to be hard and that it would be good to have both the m/females...Ok, that's still about totalling 10-15 people from my side of the family...When invitations came out she had a total of 25 ppl on her list and she sd half of it will show up...Now, last week she sd all 40 of them are coming...Totalling 50-55 ppl...Then now I just spoke to my Mom and found out she invited 20 more ppl...Totalling 70-75...Is she insane?!?...I never heard of a baby shower with so much ppl...What should I do?...
2007-04-23 07:41:55 · 11 answers · asked by $&$& 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I really want to back out of this whole thing and just do my side of the family like I wanted in the first place. But the MIL insisted on having it together. Would that be wrong to do? I mean I don't think it's right of her to invite soo much people for a baby shower. I thought showers supposed to be intimate and somewhat relaxing. How can this be special for my sister when soo many people are going to be there...She'll just be exhausted and wore out...Please help...What's the best way to deal with this kinds of things...
2007-04-23 07:45:37 · update #1
Just want to add something...I've been to plenty gatherings from Sister's MIL family...They love to come eat alot of food and NOT giving any gifts...So the benefit is not likely for my sister :(
2007-04-23 07:50:47 · update #2
Sounds like a case of one-upmanship between prospective grandmothers! If the invitations have been accepted, there's very little you can do. The MIL is hostessing, so presumably she's paying for the event. So let the two mothers hash it out, and step smartly right out from Monkey in the Middle.
And in the meantime, give some lovin' to the other sister, who might feel a bit left out if Sister 1 is getting such an extravaganza and she's ignored as a result.
2007-04-23 07:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by Jarien 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is not clear to me is who is actually footing the bill. If you are footing the bill, then I would explain to MIL that this is more than you can handle financially (you expected a small gathering initially when you agreed to do the shower) and that you either need to sever the showers (and do two separate ones, although you already indicate that she is NOT ok with that) or she needs to cover the lion's share of the expense and work on the shower since so many of the guests are hers.
If MIL is willing to take over as hostess, I would let her and step out of the planning of it completely. I don't see anything wrong with you then hosting a small event later with just an intimate group that you originally intended (even if this second shower has no gifts expected from guests since presumably they all would attend the MIL shower too) to give your sister that experience that you wanted to provide.
Hoping you can figure something out. Good luck!
2007-04-23 10:21:10 · answer #2 · answered by prog_chick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, never decline an invitation because you are broke. It is sad not to participate in these things that happen all to rarely, but seem to come in spurts. You *never* need to bring a huge gift - certainly not when you're in debt. There are plenty of things you can do that will make a lovely, tiny, and memorable gift, and cost next to nothing. Cruise the crafts stores, and cruise places like church sales. Many times, the church ladies will have lovely afghans and baby jackets they have crocheted, and they're not expensive. All you need is a sweet pair of little booties or a bonnet, and you've got a pretty little gift. For years, I have made it a point to give brides-to-be a good jar opener, along with a note to never forget they can still be empowered. Some of them come back and ask where I found the jar openers, because they want to do the same - there were enough times when hubby wasn't there to open something, and it made them remember how they felt before they were married. Find some plain white shopping bags, and some multi colored curling ribbon, and you have wrapping for every gift you'll need to give. A big package of white tissue paper, and smaller one of colors - you only need one or two sheets of the colored paper, if that. Never pay 5 bucks for wrapping paper or gift bags- it isn't necessary. A couple of diaper pins snapped on the bag loops, and you're done. For a wedding showers, go to the crafts store and get a box of the beads that have letters and numbers on them, some other bright beads (even plastic pony beads are fine), and some leather string or elastic. You can make a bracelet for the bride that has her name, their wedding date in the middle, and his name on it. She'll love it, and wear it every day until the wedding, and you will have spent about $1.30. You can box that up in a little box from the wedding favors aisle. the box will probably cost as much as the bracelet. For a wedding gift, you can get tow of anything small. Two little colored juice glasses would be sweet. It doesn't need to be a setting for twelve - this is two people starting out life together. Two toothbrushes, two little ramekins from Crate & Barrel - anything small and sweet - and well, just two and new. It's the sentiment that counts, is all. I had two showers to go to, and my bosses' daughter's wedding all at one time. I had my latest paycheck, and $12 in the bank. I went to all of them, and each one got a present. Each one got a handmade card of cardstock and magic marker, paper lace, and a small gift. they were all just as pleased, and one couple said it was the sweetest gift they got - two little flowered custard cups. It's not hard, and you should go to everything you get an invitation to, if you possibly can. But that's all you need to do. It's a life event, not a contest.
2016-05-17 06:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by candis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you love the mother-in-laws...lol
This sounds like something my MIL would do...anyway, I really feel your pain. It seems like the MIL is taking over! You were suppose to be giving this for "your" sister and she's just running wild with it. I would just have a heart to heart with her in a respectful tone and tell her that you had other ideas. Women like her need to sorta be set straight or they'll continue to run over top of you.
I personally think that's too many people too...but if your sister don't mind then don't fret over it. You should know how your sister feels about her so you make a wise decision.
~I wish you the best and I truly know what's going on~
2007-04-23 07:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by Always Camera Ready 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About 10 people probably won't show for one reason or another (forgot about it, got sick, double booked,etc). So I would prepare for the original 50-55. It can be done and done nicely. Go to your local party store and get a book of games and ideas. You can used a combination of solid paper goods (cheaper) complimenting baby shower themed baby goods (more expensive). I just threw a baby shower for my nephew and his wife in November 2006 and it was well attended and we all had a great time. Good luck and God Bless. (An idea for each to make cake - take a square cake pan and make several cakes (vanilla, chocolate, & whatever else) freeze the cake and while frozen cut into equal shares (blocks). Using yellow or white icing put icing on each "block" on all four sides and refreeze. After sufficiently frozen finishing decorating with the alphabet (like kids' building blocks).
2007-04-23 08:13:18 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your decision here will set a presidence for your futrue family gatherings, so choose wisely.
The MIL obvously wants to be in control and have it appear that she is the hostess. I suggest you don't allow that to happen. Compromise on accomodating the guests. Insist on speaking with each guest to confirm the venue. Be well prepaired and rise above the situation. Make sure to put her in her place at the party too, have her log all the gifts or serve the punch. You are hostess afterall...
2007-04-23 08:06:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is madness! The mother in law has taken over, and she is out of control. Ask her if she would like to have her own baby shower for her daughter in law and you have yours. If that is not acceptable, then give her some of the receipts, and let her know that it is her 1/2 to pay. If that is not an option for you and you are not comfortable with either then talk to your sister about it. Remember that this is a bonding experience for you and your sister and to enjoy the moment and do not let the over bearing mother in law ruin it for you or your sister! Good Luck!
2007-04-23 07:49:04 · answer #7 · answered by CC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Back out. Let the MIL have her shower and you have your own. Nothing wrong with 2 showers.
2007-04-23 07:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by Alice K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask them to pitch in and help prepare and help with $$. Maybe have it outside, cause the wheather's beautiful. Have hot dogs and hambugers... it would be cheaper.
2007-04-23 09:06:46 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Miss X♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a private catering service, if you post your city I will find you an EXCELLENT deal. Complete service, from linens, tables, chairs, food, etc.
2007-04-23 07:49:18 · answer #10 · answered by MARIA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋