young marriage?

Question

what are your views on it? why is it that people say that it won't work? why is it that people say "your to young" "your not ready"? When your in a marriage, you grow together...right? why is it that people don't want to settle down until they are thirty?

Im 16 and i will be married next year. Moving to new york with my soon to be husband and I will complete my senior year in highschool there. Hes graduating this year and he is 17. So he will be starting college this year.

People have suggested we wait until im 20 or atleast finish college before we do but I think if it is possible to do this then why not? If we both know what we want then why not? whats wrong with getting married to the person you love? Nothing.

Ofcourse we all know marriage isn't just about love. I'm just saying. My dad disagrees completely but he has no say so in what i do because he does not have custody of me and besides, I think hes racist. He doesnt like my fiance because he isn't fully black and...

he isn't christian. My father has never met him. Which is also a reason I think my father is just being racist.

My mother accepts him and loves him :] which is why she has no problem with signing me off. :]

jbe2176
because i want to know what people all over the country have to say about it. things they know or experienced thats why >:|


cwc...my mother loves me very much which is why she wont stop me from being happy

waiting for baby.

its because my father doesnt want to do anything for me..theres a reason for my attitude. Its not towards everyone.

>:|

Answer 1

I know you probably understand that marriage is not just about love. It is about caring for and supporting each other. At such a young age, it is difficult to support the other person. One of you will get caught up in your own life while the other is trying to love the other person and gets caught up in showing love.

It seems like you're pretty much decided about the fact that you two are going to get married. Just keep in mind that you should have time together and time apart. You have a lot of work to do on yourself still and at the same time you need to be able to support the other person. It's hard to find a balance and its hard to stay in it when you are giving all of the support, but it is reciprocal and if it is meant to be eventually he will be there for you when you need him.

Its not always going to be 50/50 emotionally, financially, or housework wise. Sometimes its gonna be 90/10 and sometimes 10/90. And at such a young age its very difficult sometimes to be patient, and support the other person and wait a while to get that in return.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your marriage. Just please remember when (not "if") those hard times come, learn to be patient and where there is love, it will be returned. And give space by keeping some time apart to spend with your friends and enjoy your life and growing as well.

Answer 2

Well I'm speaking from someone who has been there and done yet. First of all You are infatuated within this boy see when we girls are young we don't know the different from love and infatuation. Listen if you really loves him and he loves you then there should be no problem waiting why do feel you need to rush. You are not even financially ready to handle marriage and he not. You see marriage is a partnership and its almost impossible to keep a marriage going when its built on unstable grounds. Your father is right you need to wait until you finished school, college, start a career and lived on your own. You need to be able to take care of your self before you can be and asset to anyone. Come on now that's what the song upgrade you means and the both of you can't upgrade anyone right now. I've made that mistake and I've found my self to be a single mother and struggling to even go to college because i didn't wait i was just like you though i was ready for a husband. Take your time and if there is real love in this relationship then he wait until you both have you life put together first. I wish you luck and remember this you father use to be a boy his self he knows what he talking about......and honey New York is not easy place so I think you need slow down okay. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I know you don't believe this, but you haven't really become who you are going to be, or discovered who you are yet. You won't see the truth of this for several more years, but it's true all the same. You feel like you are in love, and your marriage might last, but it's far more likely that you still have a lot to learn, and by the time you are 21 you may find you want different things and have different priorities than you do now.

And no, marriage is not really about growing together. It's about respecting and validating the other person, and balancing each of your needs , and interfacing with the world around you. It's complicated, stressful, and very hard work. Very, very few 17 year olds have the skills and maturity to handle it.

I am sorry to have to say it but what you expressing sounds more like teenage rebellion and a childhood wish for adventure. Please don't rush into a serious choice that you are very likely to regret.

If it's really the true love that you think it is, waiting for three years won't cause any harm.

Answer 4

People used to marry young because the typical lifespan of the average adult was age 30. I think we look down on it now because as you mature, you change. I'm not the same person I was at your age. A marriage is all about change, but you need the maturity that goes with age to know how to grow and change with your partner. I'm not saying it wont work out but look around at marriage these days. Many get married for the wrong reasons. Just make sure you really know what you want and you're both ready to make the kind of commitment that comes with marriage. Life is not as short as it used to be. I think your late teens and early 20's are a great time to "try life on" so to speak. Explore the world and how you fit into it. This is harder to do when you're married. Just read this questions forum to see the problems that arise in marriage. The most important thing in a marriage is that you both know who you are and you come together as two whole and complete people to support and enhance each other. Good luck in your decision. :)

Answer 5

youthful marriage is unquestionably the less innocuous of the two. A being pregnant comprises an harmless toddler who has no say or administration interior the placement. while a marriage is going undesirable, there's a divorce and all and sundry strikes on. while a youthful mom won't have the capacity to preserve the accountability in contact in elevating a toddler, the toddler finally ends up living with the grandparents or being deserted to the state. this is not truthful. I have been given married at 20. i do no longer understand if that qualifies as "youthful." each physique reported it exchange into because of the fact i exchange into pregnant (I wasn't), and that it may by no ability final. yet we've been thankfully married for 7 a million/2 years now. I actual by no ability could have considered having young little ones at that age, although.

Answer 6

If you choose to do this, I wish you luck and I really do hope it works out but the odds are against you because you are so young. What is wrong with waiting until you are both done with school?

You are right, when you are married, you are supposed to grow together but people change so much when they turn 21. It is especially difficult if one person is 21 and the other person is younger.

You both are going to experience new things and change seperately so why not wait to make sure it will last and get married when you are older and an actual adult.

My cousin is 16 and married her 18 year old husband in February of this year and now that they are living on their own, they are fighting 24 X 7. They did not live together before they got married. In fact, they both lived at home with their parents until they got married.

Now they live on their own and they fight 24 X 7. She has actually been staying at her mom's house for the past month. She said she and her husband fight about everything. She said she is not happily married. She says all the time that she made a mistake by getting married. She said that they are not compatible at all. Before they got maried, they never even spent a night together.

Marriage is a lot harder than you think. The divorce rate is so much higher now than when your parents got married.

My husband and I just got married in Sept of last year but he was 37 and I was 29 when we got married. We started dating when I was 21. We have lived together for several years before we got married. I know I am truely compatible with my husband.

When I was 16, my ex boyfriend proposed to me. I turned him down and thank god I did because if I would have married him, I would have been divorced at 19.

I think you are too young to get married because you have your whole life ahead of you. This marriage might work for you. I wish you luck.

Answer 7

People say it "can't work" because it so often doesn't work. The odds are so highly stacked against you that it isn't even funny.

You are wrong, people as young as you don't grow together, they grow apart. You are just now entering a period in your life where you will grow the most as a person. Your husband to be won't enter that same period for another 4-5 years as men mature later than women do. Both of you will be very different people in about 5 years from now. This fact is why almost all marriages this young fail.

Answer 8

I think people rush in too quickly. You are still growing in many ways at your age. Why the hurry? If you believe your love is true, why not wait? You are so very young.
What are you going to do for a living? Do you even know yet? How about your bf?
I am not saying it's not going to work, I have NO idea. It's possible I suppose. My guess is that you are a bit of a romantic and love the idea and the fantasy of it all. You should wait until you are well into your 20's, after you 'discover' what you really want in life.

Answer 9

I wish to God that someone would have stopped me from getting married when I was 18. You do grow together, you're right, but there will also come a day when you're 22 or 23 years old and you realize that you're not out doing what everyone else is. I don't mean just partying, I mean having your own identity and not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Chances are, you will regret your decision. You are way to young to know what you want from life right now!! Trust me. I'm only 25. It wasn't that long ago that I was where you are now and I wish I hadn't gotten married. You will miss out on so much and if you wait, you'll still get to be married someday, but you can never go back to your youth.

Answer 10

your mother is out of her mind or does not care about you...one or the other.
why can't you wait until you graduate and then move to New York where your bf is...if you truly love each other then a year is not that long.
most people say "too young" because they know that when you are young you are still growing and changing as a person more so than when you are older.
we all grow and change our whole lives (hopefully) but when you are young you grow and you change fast and a lot.
wish you good luck if you go, but think it would be better to graduate and then go...
you mention Christian...if you are one, then have a long talk with God about this every day until you get an answer and a confirmation on what is the right thing for you to do...

be cool...