i just wrote this story, is it any good?? i'm 17. i must warn you though, it's depressing.?

Question

“ ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ she screamed, as she slammed her fist against the wall. She knew that her hand would soon be swollen, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about much of anything anymore. Tears began to stream down her face as it occurred to her what she must do to stop the pain. And to stop the fear. She took a crumpled sheet of notebook paper from her backpack and proceeded to write out her explanation. A goodbye, of sorts. Her hand shook as she wrote’ I’m sorry to everyone who may be affected by this. But the only way for me not to be afraid anymore, is to finally face my greatest fear. In a moment I will be facing death. Do not feel sorry or sad for me. I will not be afraid, nor will I ever feel pain again. I am just too tired to keep on living like this. And I just can’t do it anymore. I hope you understand. I’m sorry…’. She folded up the note and placed it on her pillow, and layed down beside it, with a razor and a towel in her hand. She slid the towel underneath her

her left arm, smoothing out all the creases so that everything would be neat and easy to clean up after she was gone. She closed her eyes and whispered ‘I’m sorry’ -slash, ‘I’m sorry’ -slash-, ‘I’m so sorry…’ -slash-. Tears slipped from her eyes, and she opened them just long enough to see her pain flowing in streams of red from her arm. As the clock ticked by, she began to feel less and less. Her head had begun to spin, and her breathing had become labored. And that’s when she knew that it was almost over. Or rather, just the beginning. She still had to face her greatest fear. After what seemed like hours, her heartbeat slowed, and her breaths shortened. She knew that this was it.

A sheet of darkness, deeper than a thousand night skies, swept throughout her body, finishing up what she had done. It filled her body with it’s presence, and when it left, her body was empty. She awoke with a jolt, only when she opened her eyes, she wasn’t at home, and she wasn’t bleeding. The pain was gone, and she was riding on the wings of an angel. Weaving through the highest of clouds, and flying upward. Always upward. For death was an angel, and he was taking her home. And she was no longer afraid.”

Her hands shook as she folded up this note. A story, of sorts. She placed it on her pillow, and layed down beside it, with a razor and a towel in her hand. She slid the towel underneath her left arm, smoothing out all the creases so that everything would be neat and easy to clean up after she was gone. She closed her eyes and whispered
“I’m sorry” -slash-,
“I’m sorry” -slash-,

“I’m so sorry….”

-slash-.

what did you think of it? like i said, i know it's depressing. but was it well written, or no? the title of it is "slash".

i didn't mean it as a threat or suicide note or anything...it's just a story....

Answer 1

First, I have to say, I am impressed by your writing. You've included excellent symbolism to really help the reader become a part of the story. I like how you've made the "problems" ambiguous, which further allows more people to relate to the story as a whole. Also, there's a fair amount of emotion to draw the reader in, without it being overly emotional, to the point of 'cheesy' or even preachy.

However, the one thing I think I have a problem with, is as another Answer-er stated...it does seem to have a moral that "if life is too tough, it's ok to give up." I don't know if you meant to convey that or not, though I would hope you didn't.

Keep at it...you have a knack for writing!

Answer 2

No, it's not very good, and it's not a story. It's a few paragraphs that describe something that is neither new nor unusual, and it doesn't describe it in any way that's new or unusual. There's no reason for anyone to care about the person, except as an example of selfish self-absorption. It's the same teen angst "story" (only it's not a story) that has been written since this kind of self-obsessed writing became popular in the 1960's.

Answer 3

What gripping story. The writing is great and it held my attention from the first line. The content was depressing, but just fine. Readers want to find out things of unusual nature. Since the story did not say what her biggest fear was, the reader can ony assume it was "fear of death" and now she doesn't have to worry about it anymore. I didn't find much wrong with it. I have to say you really can write! In fact, if you will add to it by telling more about the character and what drove her to this moment, some magazine or publication would probably buy it. Short fiction is in demand. Go to the library and look for "The Writer's Market." In it you will find what each publisher wants and how much they will pay for a story, along with instructions for submitting it. Make several copies of your work, as you can submit it to more than one publication. You will probably receive some rejection slips, but everybody receives them. It comes with the territory. Always keep at least one copy of your work, as there will always be other publications you can submit to. Oh, yes, The Writer's Market is in the Reference section of the library. Now, one thing you must do----proofread yor work several times until it is satisfacytory for publication. I spotted a couple of errors. For example, she layed down beside it. It should be: she *lay* down beside it. Also, as she was dying, it should have been *to finish what she had started.* Okay. I hope I have helped you. You have wonderful talent. Keep writing, editing and writing more. And never give up.

Answer 4

i think you did a fantastic job of drawing the reader in. its a tough thing to do with a very short piece, but after no more than two or three sentences i was 'in' the story. the actual slashing scene itself is well done, theres a lack of description there of the actual image of the blade cutting in, which leaves it all up to the reader to imagine...at least it did for me anyway, and im the type of person that can read the most horrifically gruesome scenes you can imagine, and not feel anything..but get me to actually imagine something not on the page and ill be squirming uncomfortably in my chair..and it is an extremely comfortable chair. i will say that the metaphor of running blood and pain seemed a little forced. i would also agree with someone else that answered, and say its more of a description, or an event, than a story.

i didnt like the ending much, admittedly. i does take the plot in a different direction than most would think of, which is always interesting, but it didnt work for me. you managed to deal with a very..without being offensive, predictable topic, without it seeming cheesy..that is, until the final paragraph or two.

so, as a very short story, id give it like, a B-...but if you ever wanted to expand it a little bit, with flashbacks of how the girl actually ended up in that particular situation, and who the narrator is (i dislike when fiction that uses an anonymous third person narrator - too easy in my opinion) i would be most glad to read it.

Answer 5

I hope you are not the girl in the story "A person willing to kill just to prove they are not afraid, so concerned to make an easy clean up for others but not considering the pain that would be caused by such an act" I think there are a few things you overlooked, suicide is cowardis and should not be romanticized. I think that your story shows that you are a clever person but you write about an angel of death sweeps a person off to heaven. The death angel was sent in judgment of those who refused to do Gods will, and swept them away to an eternal fire. Angels and heaven are Godly subjects and killing does not grant Life and serenity. I hope you Love Life more than death and consider that trouble persons may be influenced by your writing. Though this life may be difficult at times, when you are thirsty you can drink water and when you are hungry you can eat, not so for those who kill in an attempt to escape. As long as one lives there is Hope that they might find the Love of God. I hope that you Will find what you need in Life and use your talent to encourage others in there struggles. Love in Christ, sincerely,Timothy

Answer 6

Why end? Tragedy is a great part of literature. If I have been you i would not replace the memories in any respect. you could end a tale regrettably only attempt to offer something for the objective audience to romanticize. Have your protagonist make sacrifices for the good of different persons or face their dying with an uncompromising and incessant attitude. each thing in life unavoidably ends regrettably so your in straight forward terms righting the certainty. Its only substantial to function a spin on the story that provides the objective audience the sensation that we are able to stand the inevitable and absurd meaningless of life with some damn braveness.

Answer 7

I liked it, you have good grammer. The Only thing is work on the structure of a good story. Whether you're righting a short story or writing a novel, make sure to have a beginning, middle, and end. And make sure to tell your reader about everything, like about who the main character is. What they look like to help the reader picture the character. Also give the reader a short bad story here and there to explain stuff they might not get alone. Like in your story, you said the character wanted to kill herself/himself because of the pain and fear, what was he/she afraid of and what was causing her/his pain? Think of details like that.

Answer 8

That is really really awesome. I really like your style. The tenseness of the situation has been potrayed perfectly. Especially the last part, where she finds herself among the clouds. You've got talent. Now go write somethig longer, or a few more short stories.And get to a publisher FAST.

Answer 9

Sorry. It reads like generic teen angst. I wouldn't even classify it as "depressing" as there is no build up to understand who this character is or give me a reason to care one way or the other. I've seen a few dozen variants of this on the goth sites I use to visit.

Answer 10

well... I wouldn't call it a "story."

It's more like a description.

For me, a story should have a little more in it... like why is she deciding to take this action? What even led up to the decision?

I like a story to show me the main character experiencing things, reacting to them, making choices and doing additonal things as a result of choices and actions. I like to see the character change as the story progresses.

All I really know about the person in your story is she has decided to kill herself and she does.

But the writing itself isn't bad. I just don't think it's a full-fledged story...