should I stay w/my wife?

Question

I found out our 9 yaer old son is not mine,she let me believe he was.We just had another baby which I am now questioning,because she would hang out all night on our deck with our neighbor,some times till 4 am,2 or 3 times a week. All she says is they have alot in commen.I get home from work at 3 pm and she is still sleeping,(tired from being up all night),this went on for 2 summers.In the winter he would have bon fires,and she hates being out in the cold, but she had to go to his fires.He moved to another state a week before the baby was born, it just dont seem right to me.

Answer 1

Do you love her despite what she has done, can you accept the child knowing that she has deceived you, can you forgive her and never look back. That is just some of the questions you have to ask yourself. I feel just because you love her, don't mean she loves you back. You could be a blanket of protection for her. With you she knows all her problems are none. She knows that the kids are going to be taken care of, and the bills are going to be taken care of. Some women can't handle real love from a real man. I don't know the whole story but the way it sounds to me is that you are not happy yourself. Only you know what you need to do. Soul search you only can find out within yourself what you need to do. Take a step outside yourself and look in. Then and there will you find 'should I stay."

Answer 2

A 9 year secret that mislead you to believe that you were a childs father is a rather significant lie. Take in to account length of time she lied to you, the significance of the lie, I'm afraid I would have left her to her own demise......Now a second child has been produced, you bet your sweet bippy that there would be an appointment for DNA testing. your hanging out all night on deck with the neighbor and winter bon fires would have ceased as quickly as they began. Are you a pushover?

Answer 3

No,
she's screwed you over. Get a DNA test on both children. Regardless of the results I think you and your wife are done. The test however, will establish what type of role you will have for these kids and what your steps will be. If they are your kids issues such as child support and alimony come into the question. However, if they do prove not to be your sons or one of them isn't then you have different legal rights. Consult a lawyer tell him your wife committed adultery, if you can prove this it will strengthen your case considerably. Good luck, be strong, and you will find a woman who appreciates you going to work while she sleeps off her hangover and parties with the neighbors. She sounds like a girl, dump the worthless girl, and get a woman.

Answer 4

You should always follow your heart However I think DNA tests are what you really need and choose based off that.
You shouldn't have to pay for a child that isn't yours.

9 years is a lot time to be mislead and attached to a child.

I'm sorry that your wife would do such a thing.

It doesn't seem right to me either however it's very hard to say. Sometimes neighbours can be friends and it's nothing more...I'm friends with the neighbours and we hang out often...and we do come over to each others parties, etc.

Answer 5

Now that the baby is born have a paternity test done. Why are you staying with such a woman. It sounds as if she cares nothing for you! If neither child is yours you will have the option of moving on. If the 9 year old thinks you are his bio dad then he will have emotional after effects. Do you love this child? Better then not to hurt him. Just get rid of sleezy mom

Answer 6

OMG!! cannot believe she led you to melieve the boy was your son for 9 years, you must be a good guy to still be with her. you must take a paternity for your 2nd child.. she shouldve never stayed out late w/ the neighbor while you were home"how could you allow that" I think she is sooo wrong. you are eventually gonna do what you want but really I think you should move on, but then again i feel bad for your 9 year old son because he is your son whether hes not biologically yours you raised him and he sees you as his dad but the other baby I dont know how your going to be able to live with the fact knowing its not yours its thee neighbors.. you need to get a paternity dont let her make you believe its yours.

Answer 7

Sorry, but it sounds like she may have been taking you for a ride. I would demand a paternity test and then leave her and find someone that will appreciate and love you for the man you are. If the child turns out to be yours by all means provide for it but I just don't know how you could trust her enough to stay with her.

Answer 8

I hate to see children being raised without their father, but trust is a very important factor in marriage (or any relationship). I would have a paternity test and verify that the new child is yours.

The questions you have to ask yourself are:
Do we have a strong enough foundation to overcome this?
Will you ever be able to trust her again?

If the answer to either question is no....then maybe it's time to move on.

Answer 9

And your just now questioning her behavior? I don't think I'd allow my husband to hang out with the neuighbor to the extent you've allowed your wife! Tell her you want a paternity test on both children. She may be using this as an escape route. How do you know the child isn't yours?

Answer 10

I think you should do what your heart tells you. Her behavior alone would make someone think that she's been up to no good and the fact that the oldest child isn't yours doesn't make the situation any better. Do you love her? Are you still in love with her? What does she do for you (not financially, but emotionally)? Think about the answers to those questions and do what your heart says to do.