Would you, let your spouse fulfill "past regrets" in life to save your marriage?
Pasted regrets is what you spouse wanted to do or wanted to have done before marriage, but was unable or never had the opportunity to do it at the time; but your spouse is trying to see past the regrets by talking openly about them, telling about all the desires wanted to do in life, but also feels a little cheated in life because your spouse believe's that they got married a little to soon. Now there is no regrets about the marriage, just regrets that your spouse never had a chance to do the things or wanted to do the things in life before it's late & will get to old & die. With that thought in mind, (even though trying to move past it) it is starting to affect the marriage.
Would you, let your spouse fulfill their past regrets,(too personal to list here) or even help your spouse fulfill those regrets it to save your marriage.
Even though it is something you would never allow, or even considered?
2007-04-23 05:14:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If his idea of past regrets is having a threesome with twins, then no. But if he wants to skydive or bungee jump, why not.
2007-04-23 05:20:28 · answer #1 · answered by Millionaire in training 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
when two people get together that have the same goal, they should acheive it faster than if they were alone. and if one of these past regrets is having sex with someone else or they wanna do some drug that you aren't comfortable with then that person .........you know what.......i'm not even married..........i just answer all these questions all the time like i know what i'm talking about and really i don't.
it's just like what the hell.....i got this dream of what my marrage is gonna be like and if someone has the same dream then everything should be happy right. well i don't know cuz it sounds like most married people are all upset and hate it and i'm 21 years old like what the ufck kind of world is this? marriage is sposta be happy like a prince saving the princess but this world seems so ufcked up that there is no such thing as people happy together. men ain't good enough women are all gold diggers marriage sucks bla bla bla. i'm going to make an island in the ocean and only people who .......oh ufck it....i'm just gonna never get married. .
2007-04-23 05:28:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way to save a marriage, is to cultivate that marriage. I hope that the regrets your spouse is referring to aren't sexually oriented or involve any type of intimacy with a person other than yourself. If they do, this spouse of yours has no interest in saving the marriage.. but in satisfying selfish desires.
Consider this rule of thumb for all decisions you or your spouse makes.. about anything:
If it is not truly a benefit to the marriage, then it is a detriment to the marriage.
Also, when we do become married we throw certain selfish wants out the window. It becomes about the two of you, and what the two of you want.
If your spouse is going through a mid-life crisis or something, help work through it together. But make sure that all decisions benefit your marriage. What can you both do, together, to make your mutual dreams come true?
Hope this helps!
2007-04-23 05:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by michaeljazz 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would probably atleast consider letting my spouse do that to save our marriage, unless my spouse is regreting things about sex or other relationship. There are things you can do to help, and I would. I think you should support your spouse to save the marriage, but don't let your spouse do something that may completely ruin the marriage. Think smart and follow your heart. Do what feels right and good things will come. Good luck.
2007-04-23 05:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what the regrets are. If its something like not getting as much education that they wanted to, or not running a marathon or traveling to Europe or something, then yeah sure.
If its something like they never pursued a relationship with an old crush or ever had a one night stand, then I'd be a bit more skeptical and tend to lean more towards the 'somethings are better left in the past, we chose a different and better road' kind of thinking.
2007-04-23 05:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by Ally J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that by you sacrificing what you believe in to let your spouse feel "fulfilled" that YOU are going to feel very good inside. I don't know what it is that your spouse is trying to convince you that needs to be done, but I'd say that a marriage cannot be saved by you sacrificing for their sake...I have a feeling it's something that isn't legitimate anyway. Tell them if they want to go do it so badly, go and do it, and then you find a life where you can be happy for a change.
2007-04-23 05:18:21 · answer #6 · answered by Kyle 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it is something that by doing would cause me to have to change my values or beliefs then the answer would be no. I can allow my spouse to fulfill his past regrets and support him and help him in anyway, as long as I do not have to devalue myself. I can suffer for the better of my marriage.
2007-04-23 05:28:43 · answer #7 · answered by Shannon L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO*
It doesn't matter if he feels he married too young...he made a choice at that time to Marry you for better or worse...to have such a lame excuse saying he never was able to fulfill his past wants/needs and now regrets it...wants to do these things and says it will save your marriage...HOGWASH*!
Not sure what HE could possibly want to do NOW that he didn't get a chance to do back then?? If it's sleeping with someone else...HELL NO*....if it's to travel the world -why can't he take you with him? if it's to take up golf? or a course in night schoool...Sure* but depending on what it is you're referring to (saying it's too personal to get into on here) then it sounds like he shouldn't be doing it...as he IS married* he can't go back in time*
If he's wanting YOU to fulfill his fantasys...and says it will help/save your marriage........you two should sit down and discuss it...Never Do Something You're Not Wanting to Do or would ever have even considered it. , just because HE's wanting you to*
GOODLUCK*
2007-04-23 05:22:26 · answer #8 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If my spouse could fulfill them with me, then sure. If it's something I was hesitant about doing, I'd at least give it some thought and try and compromise. If it required someone else though, absolutely not.
2007-04-23 06:20:48 · answer #9 · answered by some girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is the past honey, let it go. You can however, make some of those things work in today's world. Just use your imagination, be creative and if it requires a blonde wig and a cheerleading uniform....realize things could really be worse.
2007-04-23 05:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋