my husband and i are looking into having an open marrige to spice things up.?

Question

is anyone eals in that kind of marrige and what do you think of it. i need advise

Answer 1

You're opening up a can of worms. If you want to spice things up, be creative and come up with some ideas that you can please each other instead of inviting other people into your marriage.

Answer 2

Yes, but I would be very careful that your marriage is quite solid - don't use this to "fix" anything.

I'm not into swinging, which is approximately what you're talking about. I'm polyamorous. When I or my wife enters into another relationship it includes love, romance, and is long-term, little different than having a girlfriend or boyfriend if single.

Well, that's not always exactly correct. My last relationship was with my bf and gf. The three of us were very much in love with each other. Even though we broke up (for reasons having nothing to do with either poly or being married), I still love them very much. Since I've seen pain in their faces a few times we've run into each other, I believe they feel the same way.

I would say that if you are not always involved at the same time, be very careful to be utterly honest and open about everything. Communication becomes MUCH more important.

That said, I do say I've known quite a few swingers who's marriages are doing just fine. For all the scare stories you will hear here, studies done of long term couples found that there was no long-term difference in the longevity of marriages that were strictly monogamous, were swingers, or were polyamorous. This study included several hundred couples over ten years, so the methodologies seem to be solid and the data trustworthy.

Answer 3

I have a friend that had a swinging marriage for 4 years.

They would use their experience with the other couple/single, to increase their interest at home.
However, she found a lot more interest in her than her husband found from other women, so that created an issue.

The other thing they found was when they concentrated on one couple, it became really dramatic for them. They got involved in personal matters outside of the bedroom and that was really draining all their energy.
One guy said he perferred my friend to his own wife and that's a bad street to go down.

I think it depends on what you want to do with it. If it's to solve a problem, it won't. If it's to experience different things, try find a couple that you can watch and they can do the same for you.

They also made a rule that it would always be together whether in the same room or same house. (they stuck to that most of the time)

If you simply want to experience different people, IF it ended or negatively affected your relationship, would it be worth it. That's the question you have to answer before you begin.

My friend's survived their alternate lifestyle fairly unscathed. Will you?

Answer 4

I'll start by saying even though I think of myself as an open minded person,I could not agree to an open marriage. Perhaps it is because I am too selfish and want all of the attention for myself. It could also be that I was raised to believe that a husband and wife should honor the vows that are read by the judge or priest. I think that Sex is great and after you get to relax and enjoy it, It may take one year or a few years of a close truly intimate relationship to for a man to know a woman's desire and the actions needed to reach her in that way so she enjoys and desires him as much as he, her.
I think that for me, I could not be that close to anyone and know that next week she may be sharing herself with another man. For those that do not require that kind of closeness I would assume an open marriage might be acceptable.

Answer 5

destined for trouble in the long run.

things like that usually begin with a clear understanding [one assumes] until one or both outlook on things change.

one becomes more jealous, the other enjoys it more, the other has had enough and wants things back to how they were, emotional detachment begins, energy is being channeled elsewhere..

the issues that arise in hindsight are endless...however thats not to say that every open marriage has gone sour - you may happen to one of lucky ones.

my advice is to tread carefully, and as always: be careful what u wish for - for every action there is a reaction. good luck

Answer 6

who's brilliant idea was this??? it ain't going to work out... chances are one or the other has already committed an infidelity... if you are each not what you had hoped... why drag it through the streets... Divorce... and find that special someone who WILL keep that passion burning... because that's what you'll be doing anyway... an open marriage was a euphemism.. for a time when divorce was frowned upon... where there was a stigma attached to it... Open Marriage...

more like... Lets shop for replacements...

Answer 7

You two obviously have NO respect for each other or yourselves. An open marriage is not going to spice things up, it will make things a lot worse than they already are.
Instead-why not go on a nice romantic mini vacation together, get a sexy outfit, try new things(but not an open marriage).

Answer 8

Be prepared to deal with trust, commit issues. As long as it's not used to "fix" anything wrong with the marriage and you consent to it and all "rules" are laid out beforehand, I say to each it's own. But for me personally, keeping my marriage together is already hard enough without bringing another person in. But like i said, if u agree, go for it. Just know there will be a lot of issues before, during, and after. Good luck!

Answer 9

No matter how innocent open marriages usually start out, they rarely end up for the better. Only if there is the inability of one partner to have sex should there be thoughts to entertain this, since when both partners have the ability to do so, they should find ways to please each other enought to satisfy thier needs. If one wants the open relationship, it usually means they want "express permission" to cheat.

Answer 10

I think there is something wrong with your relationship if you need others to spice it up for you. Just get the divorce now before someone gets hurt. At least then you two will still be able to speak to each other without hating each other. I couldn't live with my spouse knowing that he is sleeping with someone else. That is one thing I don't share.

Answer 11

Communication. Communication, Communication. If you have any questions or concerns you need to get it all out in the open before you get into the bed with someone else. Decide before if there are to be any rules, and make sure that you both agree on everything before you act. And if you set rules, you have to make sure that you both stick to them, otherwise you might as well be out messing around without there knowledge.