My husband had an affair (circumstances to complicated to even go into) over a year ago. It lasted 5-6 months when he was out of state working for 10 months. It has been over for more than a year. We went to counseling...etc...and even renewed our vows on our 11th anniversary. I know that he regrets everything he has done and would take it back if he could. He takes ALL the blame for it and has never blamed me for anything. I thought I had forgiven him. I love him with all of my heart. Things have been going great and we have been closer than ever. The problem is the past few days, I cannot seem to get the affair off of my mind. I have been consumed by it. It was this time last year that I actually found out about it. Maybe that has something to do with it? Is this normal? Will all of the feelings and doubt go away again? What can I do to make myself feel better and et the awful thoughts out of my head?
2007-04-23 04:12:48 · 14 answers · asked by Nothing but the truth...!! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, you are a brave woman to forgive him and he is lucky to have a woman who loves him so much. I think the time of year has a lot to do with your feelings right now and I think it is normal. It's only been a year and things like this take some time to get over.
My husband cheated on me almost two years ago and there are things that trigger my bad feelings. I don't see anyway around it but to let the feelings take their course and talk about it if need be. Suppressing these feelings and doubts can be destructive.
Try and be patient with yourself and allow yourself some time to examine your feelings, but don't let it consume you for too long. It sounds like he has made a lot of effort to try and repair things with you and that shows he loves you very much. Things like this take time to get over, just be patient with yourself and know that you're still healing. I wish you the best.
2007-04-23 05:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by mrs. lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all wounds, and what you need now is more time to heal. I know that it has been a year, but it is natural to feel the way you do. I know I've been there too myself. Every time my husband was out of my sight, I found it hard to trust him. He did everything possible to ease my concerns, I was having. No, I hate to say all the feelings of doubt will not go away, but you will find a way deep down to try to push the pain down and go on.
2007-04-23 04:31:54 · answer #2 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you went through that in your marriage, but I applaud you both for staying together and working at it, and working it out. I believe that you forgave him, but as someone else said, it's not something your going to forget, but just take it 1 day at a time. Also what has helped me when I have something that is consuming me like that, is I pray and ask God to give me peace of mind. And it helps. I've had some serious issues recently, nothing to do with infidelity, and I was having troubles trying to focus on things in my every day activities, but I just prayed and asked God to give me peace of mind.
What your going through I think is normal and it will take time. I think that you will always have those thoughts, but as your trust in your husband is rebuilt, I think you may not think about it nearly as much. But again, my suggestion is to take it to God in prayer.
2007-04-23 04:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear your story.
It will take time to heal, I don't think you will ever forget and in the back of your mind you have to wonder if the circumstances come up again, would he cheat again.
It sounds like you have done all the right things with counseling etc.
Bottom line you have to learn to trust him again and he has to earn that trust.
If you love him and believe in him and your marriage, it will work.
2007-04-23 04:19:34 · answer #4 · answered by hi_stk_n 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just remember he is with u because he loves u and only u. he made a mistake and u know he's truly sorry, so even though the thought crosses ur mind, u have to be strong enough to put it out of ur mind. if it gets to be to unbearable, share ur feelings with him. maybe a little reassurance of his love will make u feel better.
2007-04-23 04:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by j.c. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-16 13:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by barsky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun - Sorry to say this, but you will NEVER forget. Yes, you forgave him, but he has scarred you for life.
Every time he's late somewhere - you will wonder, every phone call - you will wonder.
I honestly don't know how to get past those feelings. He just needs to work on his end 200%.
2007-04-23 05:08:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its such a difficult situation, the best thing you can do is to find more reasons to trust him and more reasons to love him, u both should go on piknics, holidays and av all the time in the world just to your selves. if you both engage i acts like this, then, you'll find yourself thinking of just him and not his past ex-relationship
2007-04-23 04:21:55 · answer #8 · answered by Tee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You will forgive, but, you won't forget--- but, in time it will be less thinking about it. Maybe what you need to do is talk to him --- tell him what you are feeling etc... maybe you just need to hear from him how much he made a mistake. So- talk to him about it.
2007-04-23 04:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can forgive but we will never FORGET! Take it one day at a time and when it pops into your head push it out so you don't dwell on it.
2007-04-23 04:19:12 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋