Marriage boredom?

Question

Why is it, I have a loving husband, 2 healthy kids and my own health, but my marriage is really boring. Anyone out there been married a while and still happy? How do you stop a marriage going stale? if you have talked about it and tried most things? I don't have the same loving feeling anymore, how do you get that back? Can you get it back? Is it best to go your own ways or try and work it out?

Answer 1

I suggest counseling for yourself to begin with, and then to later bring your husband in. It's possible you may be depressed thus your feeling this way. A professional third party who is objective can give you some insights and resources that may be beneficial to you and your family.

Answer 2

You just have to open up with your husband about your need for more stimulating interaction. It sounds like your honeymoon period is over which happens when you find out that you really have to 'work' at happily ever after. So, you know what, don't give up. First remember all the reasons why you married him and then think of this: is he worth fighting for, dying for? Yes, you love him that much, right? Then why not try living for him too? Make a mandatory date night if you have to; find someone to take the kids and get out the house and date him again. You said you have your health but what happens one day if you don't have that anymore -you're going to regret what you didn't do when you were healthy enough to do it. Start building a good foundation for your marriage that will last a lifetime and that means working on your own happiness too. Make sure you are fulfilling your own needs and don't feel guilty for it, you have to be a whole person to be a good part of the family.

Answer 3

I think you just gotta try putting the romance back in, maybe going out a few times a month with your hubby, or maybe even a naughty weekend away might help if you can get someone to look after your kids. Try sitting your hubby down for a chat ask him what he wants out of the marriage and then you tell him what you want make a list if need be. I think it gets harder and harder to make a marriage work now because there are too many temptations and expectations. reminisce over how you two got together and remember what it was that made you feel all tingly inside for him. If all else fails try counselling/mediation ask your self this do you want the marriage to continue or not? search your soul and find the answer then act on it. With every day routine that we all have life it self can get dull, even relationships have there good and bad days it's weather you wont it to continue or not is the bottom line. Do what ever makes you happy as that is the most important thing. x

Answer 4

Please don't be offended, I do hope that this can help you.. but your marriage is boring because both of you are boring. Again.. no offense.

You can both infuse your marriage with excitement, but it takes some forethought.. and some imagination.

The first thing you have to remember, is that love is not a feeling.. love is a decision. You decided to love your husband forever when you shared those vows back then. Even after the butterflies, goosebumps, & warm fuzzies fade.. it is your love for your husband, and his love for you.. that will carry you both into old age together.

If you want an exciting marriage, then do some exciting things together. Take some weekend getaways up to the mountains, or out to the beach. Take some day trips to the zoo with the kids.. then leave the kids at the babysitters later that night.. and you two hit a dance club. Wear your sexiest outfits and rub your bodies all over one another on the dance floor.

Make it a point to flirt with one another. Send some naughty emails at work, etc.

These are just some thoughts, but I'm sure that you can come up with some ideas together.

You have to cultivate the kind of marriage that you want. Remember, you have both created the kind of marriage that you currently have.

Hope that helps.. and good luck!

Answer 5

Ur love is in another phase now. Those love spell feelings from the beginning were infatuation. Now is the real love. You have to spice things up. Sometimes you get stuck in a rut and have to make an effort. Massages, quiet dinners, a new hobby for you or together, a trip. Do something that makes you feel good. Get a new hair color,cut, manicure, massage, spa day, a challenging hobby. Just something you both can do together that is out of the ordinary or change of scenery. Doesn't have to cost anything either. Sometimes just spending some quiet time together. LIke an hour together talking, reading, sitting, holding hands, taking a walk together, etc., helps. Write little love notes, dance together. Yes, sounds cheesy but it'll get u laughing and enjoying one another again. When the kids are sleeping, light candles and put on music. time to take a little time for just the two of you. Even if it's only for 10-15 minutes. U have to make the time or it's just about the kids and you forget about the two of you. Counseling works too. Little steps. Good luck!

Answer 6

When there are kids involved it is always better to stick it out, at least for their sake. I mean, it's not like you're miserable right, you're just bored.

One of the main reasons for boredom is that the family as a whole does not have any goals. Do you already own a house and car and you find yourself going from day to day just keeping everyone else happy, that's can't be fun.

A family goal could be anything from planning a vacation or redecorating the house or recycling. Often these simple things are very fulfilling and they help bring the family together.

If you and your husband have separate jobs, or one of you does not work at all, it can be difficult to enjoy each other’s company like you used to as you are both probably tired from a long days work. Often people fall into a routine that gets redundant.

Try changing things up... make Thursday date night where the two of you go out like you used to, or make Wednesday Game night with the whole family. On Sundays get the whole family involved in preparing Sunday Lunch. The family that cooks together, stays together.

Finally try making projects for yourself, like volunteering or gardening, something that is all yours and you can take pride in it. I don't know what your schedule is like, but take time for yourself every once and a while.

It was not stated in your query, but if your boredom is in the bedroom... well that's a different question but there are solutions to that too.

Answer 7

Marriage is the planting of a seed... it grows into a beautiful plant if it's tended with care and consideration. and like everything that grows there's good years and bad years... all I can say is that it's important to NOT take things for granted... love to has it's ebb and flow... try to remember what it was you expected out of the marriage when you stood before your family and friends and said "I DO" the tragedy of life is that all too often we are swept up with the romance... without any real plan as to how to fill that space up to "until death do us part" becomes reality. Do you love him??? have you become "just friends"??? is your sex life routine??? all of these things can be repaired by doing a little maintenance.. see him... as he was before... ask him to do the same...

We marry because of love... have children because it's expected... and raise wonderful kids as a team... in between all the responsibilities the love part often gets lost in all the confusion... take some time... alone... together... to talk about it... make a plan for more intimacy... he was a wonderful fascinating man at one time... and probably still is... get to know him again...

It's all in how you approach it... and all about attitude... you feel the way you do.... because you've lost sight fo that beautiful man... find him again... ask him to find you again...

never take each other for granted... and everything will be just fine.

Good luck

Answer 8

If you're marriage is boring, it means you are boring. I'm not trying to be mean because I think we've all been there. Find ways to bring more excitement into your own personal life and I promise you'll have more to talk about. Growing as a person will translate into growing as a couple. Keep yourself interesting and your partner will be fascinated! I went through this when I hit 30, for a while I was focusing on him, blaming him. I learned that he looked boring because I was boring! People are just a reflection of ourselves. When you make positive changes, you'll see positive results. Can you get it back? Absof'nlutely. We get what we put out. Look on google video for a copy of "The Secret". I wish this book/video was around when I needed my own attitude adjustment. It would have saved me some time.

Good luck :)

Answer 9

it cant always be fixed....... but really you both dont possibly get enough time together of the quality sort.

u need to get some space from the kids for a holiday even.... not necessarily foreign. leave the kids with family and dont keep ringing home panicking about them. if anything is wrong u know family will ring u anyways.

take the holiday and do what the two of u like to do.... visit places, go for meals, just basically have some fun and loads of time to chat during that break.

but if this brings the love back into ur head ....... dont think thats it fixed. u will both need to make time for each other like this on a reasonably regular basis....... to keep things fresh.

if the marriage is worth it then u will try to sort it... if not then its simply time to move on and find separate lives. life is too short to waste it away. just try to do it amicably remembering the kids will hurt.

good luck. hope u sort things out, either way xxx

Answer 10

It's a common problem - my marriage is a bit stale too. I had an affair once and that sort of kickstarted my marriage but it's gone back to how it was ...

I think you have to really work at it and if your heart's in it then you might stand a chance ... if not, don't stay together for the kids - it would be a big mistake.

Don't have an affair - unless you want sex without love - because it will make things worse all round ... I know, and all you need do is ask me!

Answer 11

With a loving husband, 2 children, you fight for your marriage. If it's boring, you have to look in the mirror for the cause of the problem, and for your solution. Do things together that you enjoy doing. Go out on a weekly date--this is probably one of the most important things you can do, especially once you've had children. Sometimes my husband and I need to go on a vacation just the 2 of us--that's where you call grandma and have her come and stay with the kids--or send the kids to her since summer's around the corner. Marriage is a verb, you have to work at it, you can't just sit back and expect it to happen.