I am in the prosess of leaving my husband. He no longer shows any warmth all love towrds me, Refuses to open up and discuss things, and wont come to marraige councilling, my self confidance is shattered.
I have decided to go it alone. I hope one day I will meet my true soul mate, im 29 and hope some day to settle down again as I would love to be a mother.
But How do i get through the emotional rollercoaster im on at the moment?I do still love him, but I am fighting a loosing battle to keep my marraige together. I would rather be on my own than with someone who makes me unhappy. Advice from people who have experianced the same hurt and confusion would be appreciated
2007-04-23 03:34:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems you're doing what is best for YOU right now, and that is the first, big step.
I'm sorry you're suffering... It's going to take time to grieve and heal. It could take you a year or two to readjust... I know, when i left my ex, it took me well over a year and a half to start moving on.
My best answer and advice is to take care of YOU... go to counseling -- it could help you immensely....
Spend time with family and friends who love you and care.
Do things which you enjoy in your spare time. Join a gym, socialize or go out with friends to lunch, etc...
Pamper yourself -- do things which will help you relax... ever thought of lighting candles in the bathroom, putting on a CD you like and taking a nice, bubble bath? Just do nice things for YOU.... whatever it is!
I found a couple of websites which might help a little? and perhaps you can go to one of the major book stores (like Barnes & Noble) to look at self-help books. there are quite a lot of them on the subject of life after divorce.
I wish you all the best, hon. Take good care of YOU... hugz
2007-04-23 03:53:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Riria, there is no way I or anyone else can tell you what to do, or how to feel less pain. No one else can know who you love or not love and sometimes even you will have to sit quietly and think about your hearts indecision to know what you need to do for yourself. I will say that I think you might have already made up your mind that things must change to give you what you now want most. Make sure that you know what is really important in your future life. Your Kids if any, your posessions, memories, hopes and dreams. If you feel that you have done all you can do to save your relationship with your husband. then perhaps leaving is the only thing left. In my relationship I was the man that loved her so much i did not know how to say anything that might save it for fear of loosing her. and after she decided to leave I blamed myself and still do. I also was afraid that i would spend the rest of my life alone. Then there is the "Known Dragon" verses a "New Dragon" thing where you feel that if you do find someone you care about again, it might be worse than what you have now. You do not stop loveing a person you have lived with a long time. There are many memories that will always mean somthing to you. However i have made a great discovery since we separated. That you can love two or more people at the same time !!! One you keep in your deepest heart, the other you share your life with and can be happy, That is my wish for you, for you to have love and happiness in you life !!! good luck !
2007-04-23 11:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by eudaemon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make a concious choice to NEVER settle! It took me three years after my ex before I was even ready to have someone in my life. I made a list of my needs and my wants and set a goal, I kept that list in my purse and each time I had to make a choice about something - such as "how can I save cash to take a trip", "those are really cute shoes and they are on sale", "he's good looking and gave me his #" - I would go back to my list and make my answer based on if it helped me attain the needs, wants and goal I had set for myself. I took up the "cause" of myself & looked into the mirror and said I will never settle for less then what I was worth & if that meant I was stingy, a bit arrogant and tad bit demanding, oh well - people were going to have to learn to deal with it. I also prayed to the good Lord above and starting attending mass on Sundays. I did not pray for "things" - I prayed for the strength to help me get them. I dedicated 1 - 1 hour out of my busy schedule and it paid off. I am by no means a religous overboader, but it worked - I kid you not.
It has been three years and in the beginning I usto cry myself to sleep and night and get up the next day & fake my way through it - to everyone else I was strong, happy, confident and going for glory. To some I was rude and oftentimes my girfriends asked why I would throw #'s away from some really nice guys - I explained to everyone that I was too focused on me & that I did not want anyone there until I done for me first - besides if the man is interested, he'll call me NOT visa versa.
As I said - 3 years - 3 long years, but I have my home (mtg Free), 3 growing children that are doing very well in school & socially, a good career that pays the bills and affords me a comfortable lifestyle. I still have a handful of really great friends and a supportive family. I have my unabiding fatih that when I was ready - admitedly ready - brought a man into my life that met every standard I had put into place.
True happiness comes from within & it can be yours if you decide to get it - just remember - NEVER EVER SETTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-04-23 11:08:23 · answer #3 · answered by martiek7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not hard life is a place where things come around and go around ..The first thing u could do is talkin about it with some friends then maybe going to clubs and seeing some people if that doesnt work look around u ur soul mate may be rite around the corner..
2007-04-23 10:45:52 · answer #4 · answered by candy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to heal is the only advice I can give you. When you have invested time and love with someone it hurts like hell to move on. But you said it yourself you want to be happy and that should be your motivation when your tempted to call or get back with that person. You will have nights when you cry yourself to sleep & weak moments but eventually you will get over him. You have to cut contact as well or that will make it that much harder to move on. Maybe it was good that you two didn't have any children together b/c then he would of had to be in your life forever. Good luck and keep your head up.
2007-04-23 10:55:25 · answer #5 · answered by babygirl28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
something you wrote has stuck out in my mind... you are hoping to meet your 'true soul mate'. If you felt this guy was your soul mate, you wouldn't have put it that way- because you can only have one soulmate. I would say move on. I sure wouldn't want to be with somebody that does not make me happy -- you know there is somebody else out there for you, that one day you will meet, that will love you and respect you.... move on with your life.. and just try to be happy. Trust me- you will be more happy without him........ start being with friends and family more- people that will lift your spirits up, people that can make you laugh.
My advice: get divorced, and start being around people that can make you laugh....
2007-04-23 11:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was going through the same thing. We had a long, civil conversation, and realised the things that give us our distance are just bad habits that we can change. We got together really young and we keep going through changes. It was really hard for me these last few weeks, but now I actually think we are okay. He didn't want to go to marriage counseling either. But we talked through it. If your not happy, then leave. It's going to be hard, but if he's not willing to make it work, don't stress your self out over it.
2007-04-23 10:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
One day at a time honey one day at a time.... Good luck.
2007-04-23 10:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for asking. (stars question) I'm going through the exact same thing =( good luck!!!
2007-04-23 10:38:32 · answer #9 · answered by hollybear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋