counselling.. leaving..holidays.. working at it.. agreeing with him.. ive lost plot i dont think i respect him..he told me tonight i have lots of things wrong with me and if i undressed a man would run off...but HEEEEEEEE loves me...then apologised said he was being silly.. meanwhile im left reeling
2007-04-23 03:21:46 · 18 answers · asked by cleo_alter_ego 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh honey I know where you are right now. I really do. My husband is the same way buts its about my past. He says no one could possible love me cause I have been married b4 him. He talks about how sick I make him when he thinks about it, and how he doesn't deserve it. Then after he leaves, yells or whatever he comes back and says "you know I can't leave you, I love you so much....do you forgive me?" errrr. You do start to lose respect. You really do. And I for one don't think there is a cure for their sickness. You just need to remember that its not your fault. If he says that about your body why would he have married you? He just has issues, issues that have nothing to do with you but he intends on taking it out on you, because your the closest thing....that's my husbands problem....Good Luck honey!!
2007-04-23 03:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by Just here. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the 'undressed comment, in my eyes anyway, is unforgivable. If he said it, he thinks it on some level, things don't just randomly fly ot of your mouth, they have to be in your mind to begin with.
I'd take a cooling off period, stay with parents or close friend, get your butt to counseling now.
Understand: Under no circumstances is it okay for anyone to say anything like that to someone they love. Do not accept it.
2007-04-23 10:31:21 · answer #2 · answered by Icewomanblockstheshot 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well going by what ur hubby has told u is awfull. remeber respect lost everything is lost . a realation needs two to carry on . he says all those silly things to u just with one motive to give u an inferiority complex which in turn will make u feel insecure . so that u stick to this guy. its time to move out of this relation so that u grow spritually else u'll be choked to death . n rot
take care
2007-04-23 10:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by erich s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wasn't being silly. He was being aggressively hurtful. If belittling and demeaning you means he loves you...what else might he think would be okay? You didn't say how long you have been together or what kind of issues you two are facing but your example of his behaviour raises big red flags...about immaturity or potential violence.
Counselling is an ongoing thing sometimes. You don't really just try it. If you can't get him to go, go and continue to go for your own sake.
Good luck
2007-04-23 10:28:26 · answer #4 · answered by grapeshenry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been thru similar situation, although not with my husband. These things are said to hurt or mean jokes which, once planted in the head, will make you question yourself and your ability.
If he has you doubing yourseld, do yourself a favor :) and listen carefully. Doll up, get your hair done, make up done, nice new dress and hight heels - GO FOR A walk in a place where you will get noticed. And make eye contact with just any men. You will have their heads turned and that, my friend, will give you your confidence back. Of course, this is just a quick fix. Don't rely on this trick for rest of your life. :)
BTW - he was a jerk for saying that.
2007-04-23 10:31:05 · answer #5 · answered by Centered 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He didn't choose the best words to express how he would like you to work on your body more. But that's the jist of it. Extra wieght on a woman can make a man grow indifferent to her. It's harsh, it's mean, it's sad, but it's true. Don't believe me? Women grow indifferent to THEMSELVES when they gain more weight. Women justify it by saying that they are too busy giving to their family to keep their body healthy. That's a cop out. You and I both know it. You said you've tried everything...have you tried to actually loose the wieght? (I could be severely wrong and you could be 100lbs, but more often the case is what I stated)
2007-04-23 10:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it sounds like you're giving him EVERYTHING whilst he just sits back and demands more. and for your bf to say that "if you undressed a man would run off." that is Completely without respect. Hun if I was you I would really consider the future.. without him..
2007-04-23 10:28:45 · answer #7 · answered by Tas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree with joyce and you really need to get out of that situation or you are going tto be feeling that way fopr the rest of your life becasue he will never change"theres nothing wrong with me its you" i bet you hear that alot too i know i do but the difference is i dont care what he says because it is a loveless relationship and alwasy will be...we are moew like roommates than anything
2007-04-23 10:31:54 · answer #8 · answered by dede 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aahh...sounds like a controling manipulative relationship. Always making you feel bad so you will give everything up for him. Some men are like that...You have to make your self happy and find your own independence
2007-04-23 10:24:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
He has an ego that needs fixing. He doesnt appreciate what he has in you but who died & made him God? C'mon girl. Surely you can do better than this pig. Find someone who loves & respects you for you.
2007-04-23 10:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋