Separation - does it ever save a marriage?

Question

Experiences only please!

Been married 1 year 3 months. Tried marriage counselling 1 month after honeymoon, went for 4 months. Then individual counselling. Husband did 4 sessions anger management, then pulled out. I just made the appointment for the refereral dr, I arranged a clin psych, I am now feeling need to separate because my heart is falling apart. I am seeing a psych too. He attending anger management - on condition we don't separate. My best friend, love him - but pieces of me falling off...heard anger manangement can take years...

Ana A sweety NO chance of STDS because I will be sewing it up...lol...except yes I want kids. Always wanted to adopt - another issue...

Answer 1

Dear Looney G,

Separation..... To be or not to be that is the question. If your thinking about leaving for a while or your wife, it means you probably don't want to really be with that person. Count your losses now and move on. If your partner wants space after marriage, something is up and maybe it is a wake up call for you to move on.

Separation is okay when your just dating but after marriage, NO GOOD. This is were you or her will start dating or open the door to allow other people in your lives. NO GOOD. To many STD's and you want to be in a marriage that sticks together through thick and thin. You don't want to be with someone who is not mature enough to be there during the good and bad times. MOVE ON.

Sorry but maybe now is a good time to think about moving on. You can not afford to be with someone who is not stable and consistent in a relationship and wanting to separate for a little time is a red flag.

Answer 2

I do not recommend seperation for two people that actually want their marriage to work.. unless we're talking about taking a long drive alone to think and clear one's head.

I assume that we aren't talking about that though.

Seperation is only a preparation for divorce, and in many states is a requirement before divorce. I was seperated for one year before I was divorced, which is the legal requirement for my state.

But contrary to what some say, seperating won't make you miss your spouse any more than a vacation alone would. In fact, the opposite will generally occur, as someone else mentioned. Your heart will grow even colder, in terms of being in love with the person you were married to. You will, most likely, develop a "single" attitude.. as you become used to living apart. This is especially true for men during the seperation.

I view seperation as the entrance ramp which leads to the highway. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule.. but if you don't want the highway, then don't get on the ramp!

Stay together and work on your marriage as a team, not seperately.

Seek counseling first!

Answer 3

Are you serious? You think seperation is the best way to establish sharing, affection and intimacy?

Good grief. It's just one more hurdle for people who've already run out of ideas. Sometimes folks get back together, but only because they don't like being alone. You still have the problems that led to seperation in the first place. You don't move forward by going backward.

Ridiculous.

Answer 4

Depends on the circumstances, and BOTH partners.
In some cases it can be death to the marriage. Whereas one decides the temporary break should be permanant, causing heartbreak for the other.
While in some cases it can save the marriage. When it is realized that being separated brings the realization of what they had together, and wish to retain.

Answer 5

If the reason is only for to "get some space" after having some heated arguements more than occasionally. Sometimes overfamiliarity breeds either contempt or starts a feeling of being taken advantage of too often. A cooling off period may be in order for this. It almost never works when there is cheating, alcohol or drug abuse, or sexual and mental abuse going on.

Answer 6

It depends on the reasons for the separation. Most of the time it is used as Step 1 towards a divorce.

Answer 7

Two dramatic answers -

Seperation can make you love and miss and want the person, run to him/her back, and realise how much you love him/her and that makes you learn a lesson not to have the seperation ever again

Seperation can make things go colder, especially if it is a man who goes back to his mums, he will never go back to you, the mother will make him feel happy, secure, and he'll be there forever without returning to the wife, where problems can be more than staying at her quiet old calmed down mother who has nothing to worry anymore, but her own age and death

Good luck, YOU only know what's best

Answer 8

sometimes putting space between you and your spouse could be helpful for a while -- it gives a person time to think.

if you do get back together, learn to communicate in a positive way. if marriage counseling is what it takes, then do it.

i hope things work out...

Answer 9

Both partys have to want the marriage to work. If they do then you don't need to seperate, you can apply the hard work it takes while living the marriage...

Answer 10

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