First - thanks for your responses to my first question. This Q&A thing is a god send! Secondly - if I take my husband back does the pain of what's happened ever go away? And if it does how can I aid that healing? I have offered (maybe stupidly) that I will get the Decree Nisi then give him until Sept to be the person he says he wants to be. He did drink every night, 6-8 cans during the week and alot more at the weekend but has now stopped the weeknight drinking (2 weeks). In all the time we have been together he never took me out. I used to go out for meals on my own. Since I found out what he did he has taken me out twice but that has now stopped. I feel he does want to change but I'm not sure he can. Perhaps RELATE may help.
2007-04-23 02:05:13 · 20 answers · asked by LoulouBelle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh god he never took her out, just s*****d her round at our so-called friends house then again round at hers, whilst two other so-called friends were in the house!! Allegedly they didn't know but when he came downstairs one of them had walked home and the other passed out in the chair. The slightly funny side to this is when he has been drinking alot he is s**t in bed, doesn't finish the job and goes to sleep after 5 minutes so I don't suppose it was a memorable time for either of them!!
2007-04-23 02:17:29 · update #1
Jim D you saucy minx!!!!
2007-04-23 02:19:23 · update #2
Your spouse needs to realize that they broke a vow. They removed trust from the equation, and trust is something that needs to be rebuilt slowly. It is a wound that does not heal overnight. Personally, if I ever took someone back who broke my trust, they would be busting their *** proving that I did not make a mistake in letting them back into my life. There would certainly be NO THIRD CHANCE. If they proved that they can be untrustworthy once, then they better not even LOOK like they are suspicious or they would get the boot.
Life is far too short to waste it with someone who doesn't deserve you.
2007-04-23 02:10:30 · answer #1 · answered by Mark L 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sweetheart you have to think of yourself hear you are a person who needs to be valued and loved.
The pain of his adultery will go away eventually but I dont think you will ever trust him again and that is no basis for a relationship to continue on. He is an alcoholic 6-8 cans a night even if not at the weekends, he is drinking to drown his sorrows he can not face up to what he wants in life. I know my ex was the same and I can guarantee he doesnt think he has done anything wrong and he cant see what the problem is.
Believe me Relate will not help please take one step back look at the whole picture you can do a lot better and he is not worth it. Its hard at first but you can do it I didnt have a network of family and friends to help me but hopefully you have.
2007-04-23 12:09:45 · answer #2 · answered by BigMomma2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say don't take him back ... he sounds like a real pig.
The pain never goes away - my wife still brings my affair up and that was 15 years ago - so as long as he's with you, you'll have a painful reminder of what he did to you.
I reckon he still drinks too much too ... and if he can't satisfy you in bed that's another reason to find another bloke ...
He should be making a real effort where you're concerned and there doesn't seem to be much of that from what I've read. Get rid of him, find another man and make up for lost time ... unless it's some "youngster" making dirty suggestions on YA ;-)
2007-04-23 03:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing, he changed for a while, but although he found time to take her out, he never did with me, I gave it a few more years, then left, found a lovely guy , 16 years younger than me, got 2 great teenage girls together, been together for 18 years now, married for 14. still very happy, good luck
2007-04-26 23:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by Weed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey...mine cheated on me and i took him back...but i only took him back because of our kids....the trust had completely gone...he betrayed me really bad...so even though i took him back did not mean he was forgiven and instead of loving him, i grew to hate him....i used to lay awake all night wondering where he was and who he was with, he never had an explanation and never cared how i felt, the feeling was horrible, so my answer is NO it does not get better...unless you work on your marriage...there's always gonna be pangs of doubt.....so if your strong enough then go or it...personally i would not go there...your marriage seems very one sided...he does not take you out...you eat alone...hmmmmmm girl...move on and find someone that will share their time with you instead of getting sloshed all the time...men DON'T change, they might change for a week or so...then once they think they are in the clear...they do it again and again....the only reason he has taken you out is coz he got caught...i can guarantee you this...he will stop taking you out once he thinks that he's in the clear....he cheated on you girl....don't allow him to walk all over you....find someone else
2007-04-23 02:26:10 · answer #5 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think the pain ever goes away it never did for me and i find myself in my new relationships slipping back into the whole mistrust thing,my issue wasn't ever how could my mate cheat on me it was more like how do i trust my own instincts again i mean this went on for well over a year and i was blind to it so how do i trust myself?its not the end of the world but its a eye opening experience and one that isn't easily forgotten or forgiven.good luck
2007-04-23 02:18:12 · answer #6 · answered by patbgone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has to prove to you that it's you he wants & keep the drinking in 'check', you also need to get through to him that he can't do things for a short time & then stop, i.e taking you out, he must regain your trust it's not something you can pick up & put down at will.
Relate if you have a local branch that doesn't have a long waiting list may be able to help restructure things.
2007-04-23 02:12:49 · answer #7 · answered by shortstuff 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He will never change, hes done this once and will do it again, he may be able to control the drinking but if i was you i would get rid of him and start again.
2007-04-23 22:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by Jackie M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go sweety...heaven knows why we fall for these jerks, I did the same. No they never change, he sounds like a real loser. You don't love him, it's just that you're afraid of life without him. Trust me, life will improve as soon as you sling his sorry *** out for good. His loss.
2007-04-23 02:32:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl, he is making a fool out of you. dump him. infidelity is the ultimate act of disrespect and no one should put up with it. i`ve been with my man for 24 years and even now if he cheated it would all be over. don't let him mess with your head. by forgiving him once you let him think that there were no consequences if he treated you badly.don't let him do that to you again.
2007-04-23 02:33:21 · answer #10 · answered by ginger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋