I miscarried twins and I can't get over the emotional trauma?

Question

I lost them april 20th. We didnt even know it was twins until two little fetus's came out. I'm having a hard time coping with my loss now. These were going to be my first children and my entire family was in on it and very excited. What are some things any other women have done to cope with it? Should I just wait and hope time heals the emotional pain?

Answer 1

I lost a baby in my eight month and I know the traumatic, depressive state you are in. It's so hard because well meaning friends just tell you "Oh, you will have more, at least you didn't really get attached to him yet,etc. What people don't understand is you bond with your child the minute you feel them moving inside of you. The grief you go through is the same as for anyone who loses a child, in your own eyes. My heart is breaking for you because I know you will be sad for a while, and you will never forget those babies. You'll always wonder what would they look like now, how would they be doing in school, etc. I can tell you that even though thoughts of those babies will never go away, the pain will dimish and slowly your life will fall back into place. Take the time you need to grieve, cry all you can, and if you can afford it seek counseling to help you through it. My therapist suggested setting up a little shrine area in or around my home so that I can go there and spend time with my imagination whenever I want. I also set up a book covering his birth and death. This gave me a comfort in knowing he Is a real person, that went to Heaven before we were able to meet him. Just think about what would make you feel closer to your babies, and set up whatever makes you feel at peace. Don't be afraid to share your sadness with family and friends. Remember crying also cleans our mind and gives us strength, so do so whenever you need it. I'll be thinking of you and hope you heal quickly. Also try and remember they are in a far better place than we could ever provide them. Take care of your self and do not hesitate to reach out when you need to talk. Best of luck for you!

Answer 2

How far along were you? Sorry for the loss of your twins.

My twins died at 10 weeks, and they miscarried at 12 weeks.

It is a shock. That would have been my first children too.

I wasn't married at the time, and the father was a bad man, so when I lost the babies, I felt like God had possibly wanted this for me.

I couldn't bear to see another woman with a child. It irritated me in ways words cannot express. The terrible feelings lasted a few months, but have passed.

I am now married and have had a baby and husband that I love dearly.

Yes, time will heal your pain....Time will also bring more pregnancies. Have faith.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your loss. I've gone through a few miscarriages over the years. Each one is just as painful as the first.

Have a mini memorial for the fetuses. If you have any sonogram pictures, you can frame it. Use a shoebox or other small cardboard box. Have everyone in the family write something about the babies, something postive. Put the writings in the box. You can have them do this individually or on an oversized blank card found at most Hallmark stores or other stores that carry cards. Or simply use the paper for your printer. Whichever you prefer.

Give the fetuses names, first & middle if you'd like. Or just first is ok. If you feel uncomfortable having a burial with everyone around, do it in private. Bury the box in your backyard, about 2-3 ft deep so no animals disturb it.

Talk about the loss with family & friends. You might be surprised to find out that someone else has gone through this in your family or circle of friends. Crying will help ease your pain, believe it or not. So will laughter.

The point in all this is to give yourself & everyone around you some kind of closure. I did this with every miscarriage, whether it was my first at 21 weeks or my last at 11 weeks. Each due date that comes around, I light a small blue candle or a white one, usually a tea light or small votive to commemorate the date. I say a small prayer of thanks for my son who's now 10 going on 11 (I'd been told I couldn't have kids after my miscarriage at 21 weeks). I let the candle burn itself out in a safe place. Sometimes I cry, sometimes not.

I also suggested this closure ritual to a close friend who lives in another state after she miscarried twins in February. She was surpised & pleased at how well this helped her through the emotional pain of the loss.

Answer 4

I am so so sorry for your loss. The tragedy of losing a unborn child is something most of us cannot even begin to comprehend.
I'm afraid you will have to wait, as time WILL heal the emotional and spiritual pain.
Your family will be supportive of you now, just as they were when you were pregnant. They will be there for you, and strong for you.
Take your time to grieve. I have a friend who is in counselling 2 years after the fact, only because she never dealt with it. She pushed it under the carpet and went on with life as normal. Not because it was easy for her to do, because it was her way of overcoming the emotional pain at the time.
So, let it out, take your time to grieve, and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

My heart goes out to you hon.Yes your great pain will heal with time.Keep your family close to you and don't keep it inside.It is a completly normal reaction to your terrible loss.Your family will be keeping a close eye on you if you are showing any signs of post partum depression.depression is different than saddness.This is the time when god doesn't walk beside you hon he carries you .Bless you and your pain will lessen but you will never forget.

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your loss. I personally have never been through anything like this and I assume you should surround yourself with with loved ones and time will heal your pain. You (along with alll other that have lost a child/loved one) you will be in my prayers!

Answer 7

I lost a baby February 24th and I know how you feel and to be honest it still feels like it just happened. I found local support groups by doing a search on the web. And I surrounded my self with loved ones. I'm sorry and you will be in my prayers.

Answer 8

you're able to be fantastic. it extremely is style of frightening after having a miscarriage you do subject lots with the subsequent being pregnant. seem after your self and additionally you're doing the main suitable you may to maintain your toddler secure. attempt to no longer subject too lots, delight on your being pregnant. conventional you will possibly sense slightly extra comfortable.

Answer 9

darling i know exactly how you feel asi to have had several misscarrages gigve yourself time to greave over the loss of your babies but also seek counciling as this will help you if you talk out your feelings with someone who is not connected to you also talk to your husband and don't shut him out as it is now that you need each other more than you ever did before it does take time and time will lessen the hurt that you are felling now

Answer 10

Sorry for your loss, hope that you find a way to move on.