Why am I having such a hard time with the recent discovery that my hubby of 12 yrs doesn't believe in God?

Question

We got married when I was 17 he was 19 and obviously priorities, values, etc were very different for each of us then. I have since straightened up my life and take my 2 children to church with me every week, while he goes snowmobiling or something...while I knew he didn't love church I ALWAYS thought that deep down he knew. That he knew what was right, the he believed in God and Jesus Christ. I see his position as unbelievably ignorant considering he grew up in the church and I find myself COMPLETELY turned off by this. It offends me deeply when he takes the Lord's name in vain or says JC out of context.

Here I am 12 years later looking at my spouse thinking if I were to make a decision now of marriage I would not EVEN consider him.

I am at a total loss here....What do you think?

Answer 1

The best advice I can give you, is to pray for your husband.

Do not give up on him, or look at your marriage as a mistake. That will only make things worse. I'm not sure how you're reacting to him when he does/says things that offend you like that.. but you need to remember that your testimony is very important.

You can not force him to put his faith in the Lord, but you can pray for him, and do your best to show him the love of the Lord, through you. As long as he is still alive and breathing, there is hope for him. I know it's hard, but try not to get frustrated with him.

Just do your best to live for the Lord, and keep praying for your husband.

Answer 2

He was 19 when you married. Did you really believe he would be the same in 12 years. I can not BELIEVE you called your husband "unbelievably ignorant"!!!!!!!! What makes you right and him wrong. Just because someone has different beliefs than you, does NOT make him ignorant. You say he offends you by taking the lord's name in vain, but how do you think your husband feels when you call him ignorant.
Going snowmobiling instead of going to church is not a very good argument that he is a bad person.

Do you ever think that maybe he is wondering if he would marry you now? In 12 years, you are obviously closed-minded and mean!!

Answer 3

just because he doesn't go to church is making you doubt your marriage is there something else that your not telling us,does he abuse you or the kids,does he cheat on you ,does he stay out all hours of the night if none of these are a yes answer and your only problem is that he doesn't attend church then just look at some of the questions tha are being asked here.consider yourself lucky that he his a good man in every aspects of the word.and just what is it that you thought he knew deep down?we either have faith or we don't and the fact that he doesn't believe as you do doesn't change what is in his heart.just so you know where I'm coming from I'm a pagan and my wife is a christian our kids where allowed to decide for them selves which path they wanted follow they both attend church regularly.

Answer 4

Many people have an issue believing in a higher power its an inevitable fact that people would have different beliefs just because you husband doesn't follow what he was raised to believe shows that he prolly has put a lot of time into consideration of this and has concluded that in his mind there is no god or that maby there is a god but he doesn't believe in the ideal of a Christian god... ask him which it is before becoming upset try discussing it with him. Nuthing is worse then being angered at without knowing why that's why i again i say talk to him

Answer 5

I think it's amazing that you've been married to him for 12 years and never knew. It didn't come up in the wedding plans, or the raising of the children? But ask yourself, does it really make a difference what he believes about the afterlife? You've been married for 12 years; is this going to change anything? Just be happy for the marriage you've got and let him have his own feelings on God.

Answer 6

Honey, are you more upset with the fact that he doesn't believe in God, or are you upset that you first took time to realize it now? Something tells me that although he may not practice actively in his faith, that deep down he still believes. I would sit him down and talk to him about his bad habit of using the Lord's name in vane, and how disrespectful it is to you, but other than that, you should not judge him. Leave that in God's hands. There are alot of people who go through stages in life when it comes to their religion. I was brought up Catholic, went to Catholic school and couldn't wait till I grew up so that I wouldn't have to do that everyday. For many years, although I believed in God, I was not practicing my faith. As the years started to go by, I realized something was missing in my life and I decided to return to church. I'm not saying it's right, but those things happen, and they happen more often than you think. With that, I say have the heart to heart. Don't assume, but find out where he really stands on the issue. Then put some thought into the real reasons you are resenting him...because it sounds to me like it's more than just the God issue.

Answer 7

I understand your concern,but to be honest this is a good time to realize that you can be a upstanding citizen, father, person without having a religious affiliation. Why do you do good things? Promise of heaven? Further Blessings? One could argue it's like a horse and carrot,but your husband is a good man without the excuse of religion. Don't punish or torture him because he was being honest with you. There are far greater things that can rock a relationship. He loves you and you feel the same, just think this will just open the door to more conversation. If it really bothers you, imagine this: You divorce and you marry a "Christian",but he's nothing like your current husband. Was it worth it? Did you get what you wanted? Are you looking for a way out? What's your fear? Being a Christian doesn't guarantee a sturdy marriage, if that were the case China and India would be empty. G'luck

Answer 8

I think, if he is a good husband and a good father, and you love each other then you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Just ask him not to use those terms in front of you or the children. I always taught my children that "you don't have to understand your wife's feelings, you just have to respect their feelings". You should do the same.

I have a gut feeling their are deeper conflicts in your marriage.

Answer 9

How on earth could you have been married to a man for twelve years and not be aware of his belief system or lack of such? Your attitudes toward him seem disrespectful, a little condescending and harsh, in my opinion - after all - he is not the one who changed - you did. And not only did you changed, you changed in an area that you hadn't even bothered to talk to him about, so clearly, it couldn't have been terribly important to you for many years, either.

I wonder if maybe you are using religion as an acceptable way out of this marriage - you married very young, after all. Maybe you really have a hard time considering a divorce, or find it unacceptable, but that you have an easier time justifying it to yourself (or others) if you peg it on your faith.

So, in essence, I guess, I think you are looking for an out, and that you are willing to use your faith as such. I also think that both you and your husband deserve to be happy, and that it is probably not terribly healthy for your children to grow up in a household where mom is disgusted with dad. I think you should keep religion out of the picture, and really try to figure out your feelings for your husband and your marriage, and then talk to him to work something out one way or the other.
best of luck, -c

Answer 10

i feel so much for u not bec ur husband doesnt believe in god but bec u think tht he becomes lesser of a person, describing him ignorant bec. he doesnt believe on the same thing as you.
u did mention, ur very first sentence tht ur priorities and values were very different when u got married..if having the same belief and values is important to you why did u marry him in the first place ..you said u wanted to straighten ur life so u took action and u have all the right to do so and yes ur husband has all the right not to.