My wife wants a divorce. We have been married for 16 years and she said she is not "in love with me anymore" Problem is I don't believe her. We were having major issues in our marriage but we also did alot of fun things together with our two teenage kids. She has started a new job last July and right after the new year I noticed a change in her behavior. I love my wife very much and will do everything in my power to save our marriage. I Am in counselling and realize the things I did to hurt our marriage and I will correct them. She will not get counselling and I have found out that she has been talking on her cell to a male co-worker an aweful lot over the past few months. I want to call him and tell him that this is our marriage and our children and our lives that he is talking to her about and that he needs to stop whatever the hell he is doing because it is destroying our marriage. I know we can work this out if she is willing and he stops feeding her BS! I want my family back!!!!!
2007-04-21 17:39:13 · 16 answers · asked by da_catcar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't sound like she's willing, honey. Don't call him. It won't help and could do a lot of harm.
2007-04-21 17:44:06 · answer #1 · answered by Alice K 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for what you are going through. The only thing I can offer to tell you is for you to tell your wife that you know she is talking to some other guy from work. See how she responds to you. Women can fall for any man's B.S. if they will let themselves hear it. The fact that your wife got a new job and is around all new people probably did not help her fragile emotional state. I would first start by trying to get your wife to want a new job. She needs to stay away from that guy because he will naturally make the grass look greener. She does love you, she just has too much influence from him. I would not call or approach that guy because all that will do is anger your wife more. He is a loser and your wife should see that because what kind of man talks to a married woman??? She should realize what the man is doing before she makes the biggest mistake of her life: leaving you. Send her her favorite flowers and tell her that you love her more than ever and no matter what happens you will always feel that way. I wish you all the best and keep your head up Honey, she will see that you love her and have her best interest at heart.
2007-04-22 00:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by acm3 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh sweetie - been there done that! My ex did the same thing with a co-worker after 20 years of marriage. I fought like hell to keep things together for the sake of our daughter and because I had not been with anyone else for 24 years. It didn't work. Your wife has made her decision and there is probably not anything you can do about it. Would you ever be able to trust her again if you talk her into staying after this?You need to do what is necessary to hold yourself together through this. See your doctor to see if anti-depressants could help. You WILL get through this. Yes, it is hard on your children - but they are resilient. If you conduct yourself with dignity - you will have their undying respect. In time they will be well aware of what their mother did and will lose all respect for her. Life does go on. You will meet someone else who can be a fulfilling life partner. This is only 16 years of your life. You have so much left to look forward to - especially with the right person.
Trust me, your wife will lose in the end. It always happens with cheaters. Stay strong. You will get through this. I am now married again - 10 years this time -- to a wonderful man who treats me with love and respect. You too will find happiness again.
2007-04-22 00:57:29 · answer #3 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off I am sorry, you are having marital problems.
I have been married 15 yrs, so I understand to some degree.
I am happy you are getting counseling, however if she won't go you can't make her. Sounds like this other guy is trying his best
to gain some ground with your wife. My advice is talk to her tell her you love her know matter what and you want your family back together. If you have already tried this, then maybe its time to let her go and figure out what she is missing. If she really loves you she will be back. How ever a word of caution one a cheater always a cheater. Ask yourself this do you really want to be with a cheater? Like I have said I have been married for 15 yrs and I would never cheat on my husband I love him and my family to much. But if he ever cheated on me his butt would be out the door so fast his head would spin.
But I am old fashioned that way.
Good Luck
Morgaine
2007-04-22 00:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the right to do what ever your heart feels. After 16 years of marriage,and not wanting to give up on the two of you, you deserve that much. Just don't do anything that will really piss your wife off otherwise you'll just push her further away. I believe that there should be no easy way out of marriage, you're in it for the long haul no matter what. Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best.
2007-04-22 00:46:06 · answer #5 · answered by smrtgigi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just said if she is willing. i don't think she is.
She's involved in another relationship. No matter how much you want it she has to want it also.
Ask her to be honest. Is she involved with someone else? You at least deserve to know that much.
She knows you're willing, but has no desire to salvage the marriage. It takes two.
If she has moved on then you will have to accept her decision. Counseling (personal and maybe children), will help you and the children cope with this.
It seems she has been unhappy in the relationship for awhile. What part do you have in her decision to move on? Be honest with yourself.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Love, peace and hair grease!!!!!
2007-04-22 01:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by mzpickles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, how do you know what exactly goes on in their conversation? Have you heard the things he said? Through your wife? Perhaps its time you meet up with this guy and find out whats exactly conversed between both of them. Maybe he is trying to help. And besides, from him, you can understand better how you wife feels and what she needs. But seriously, if she really loves someone else already, it is very difficult to save because she would find it a torture. Maybe another way is to get your kids to help. Since they are both teenagers, they should understand and they probably also hope their parents stay together.
2007-04-22 00:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by schongal 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You could try to discuss it rationally, but you can't put all the blame on the "other" man- it takes two and she just may not be convinced, in which case you should be mature, though hurt, and move on. Find someone who loves you the way you are and you just may realize that it may not be so bad to let it go. Fight for a little while, but not so long that you become a stalker and she gets a restraining order and you get in trouble. That kind of trouble only causes you more pain.
Sorry and good luck.
2007-04-22 00:45:15 · answer #8 · answered by gawd0 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She may be having an affair or about to start one! Maybe you need to send flowers to her job to show this person she works with that her husband loves her. When women say that they are not in love it is a cry for affection. Women want to feel romanced. When's the last time you took her somewhere romantic for a weekend? You are definitely going to have to make yourself totally cool - not demanding to make things turn around. Pretend you are just married to this woman and bring back the magic! Best of luck!
2007-04-22 00:52:06 · answer #9 · answered by Mamma Mia 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you should CALL him. I wish your wife would realize that with counseling that sometimes the counselor will agree with a seperation or divorce. I wish you all the best and feel for you and your children.
2007-04-22 01:14:34 · answer #10 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been through a bad divorce. The worst has happend. I hope you make it out in one piece. Adultery makes the Big Ten, not because screwing is a big deal, its the ball that it starts rolling. This is your Twin Towers, your life will never be the same. Seek refuge and peace wherever you can.
2007-04-22 00:45:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋