Well Im about 4-5 weeks PRegnant after having sex with a guy who was my bestfriend and reallly Loved me i have known him since High SChool and im now 19.He was supporting whatever choice i made but when i made it clear that i wanted to keep it he totally changed his mind!!! he told me that he doesnt want the responsibility and Hes not Ready and he TELLS ME IM NOT EITHER!! but at first i wanted to have this baby but i dont want it growing up without a father figure...it was a one time thing with a guy i thought cared about me turns out i was wrong...my family totally backs me emotionally and Financially...But im still ToRn because i really dont want my child to grow up without a father figure
Do men still find women with Children Attractive???
Can i Still Pursue all My Goals in Life???
how can i help think this through Logically?!!?
2007-04-21 17:38:40 · 14 answers · asked by Alley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Get away from him NOW so you can think for yourself. First off you have the support of your family. Quit listening to people who confuse you. Go somewhere where you can have the time to think alone.
2007-04-21 17:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not the first or last girl who will/has this problem. This guy is obviously not showing you support, so why even consider abortion (his opinion) in the first place? Even if it was "one time deal", it's still a choice you guys made, and a sort of "mistake" if you didn't use protection. I think you should be responsible for what you guys got yourselves into. Even if you guys aren't ready, it's still a child. I'm not against abortion, really. (only if it was like a rape case) but I am totally for being responsible, when it comes to something that you need to step up for. If this guy doesn't want to be with you, because of the baby, then simply forget about him. If he truly cared for you, he will support you as well, especially because you didn't make this baby on your own. There are many single mothers out there, taking care of their babies. Your child will be fine without a father figure, trust me. Maybe it's not your idea of a "perfect family" but you still have a future ahead of you, and you can still pursue your goals in life if you work hard. Feel lucky that your family backs you up, especially economically.
2007-04-21 17:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may just be another d-bag who basically a con-man, but he may just have freaked a bit. Either way, don't make this choice based on him, because you can't count on him. Assume you will raising the baby without him. It really won't matter whether the baby has a father figure or not though, you have your families full support, and trust me, grandma and grandpa are going to want to play a real role in the babies life.
However, if you decide to raise the baby assume you will be the primary caretaker. You CAN still accomplish most things, but you may have to work a heck of a lot harder.
Consider an open adoption as well. You clearly already carry for this baby, but are worried about your ability to raise he/she alone while still becoming who you want to be. My friend got pregnant at around 18, and she had the same problem. She was adopted in a closed adoption, so knew that adoption was a good course, but wanted it to be open for herself and the baby. The couple she chose are really nice and are now like family to here. They even threw her a party to get to know her family better and thank her and invite her into the family. She loves her baby girl more than anything in the world, but she is really happy with her choice. She is going to school, maintaining a social life, working 2 jobs, and is still happily living with/in love with her boyfriend.
To answer your other question, men do still find women with children attractive, but it can be scary too. It just seems like a bit more responsibility. However, if you are ready for it, I think it's even better, because instead of just getting to know a love a girl/guy depending on whether it's a mother or father your dating, but you get to know and love and be part of a family.
I wouldn't try to talk to this guy anymore until you decide. He's freaked out, he just isn't being a good guy, or helping you any. I get him not wanting a kid, but it's your decision, and he should've stepped up. He's not ready to deal with this with you. If he comes to offer support, that's telling, if he doesn't, that's also telling. You can talk to him later, now decide whether YOU want a baby, want to not have this baby, or want to have the baby and let some else raise it, and what level of contact you want with the child.
2014-01-22 15:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by Sandra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read my answere to your other question !
That will explain alot.
As far as this question...
1. YES, men like Mommy's, it showes you are responsible enough to handle a kid and that you are a truely loving person.
Plus Mommys are most definately sexy !
Any man that is worth your time will actually be attracted to you as a potential wife because you are a Mom and he can see that you are cool that way.
Any guy that has reservations about you being a Mom is a complete jerk and stay away from them, they aren't worth the dirt they are standing on !
2. Yes, having a child will actually help you achieve your goals. You will be happier and fulfilled as a Mommy with a kid who thinks you are the greatest and loves you and all that. Being loved and wanted will only make you a stronger person. I have gotten farther along with my life goals in the last 3 years now that I have a wife and kids than I got in the last 20 years without them. Being lonely realy held me back and it never was important enough to succeed. But now not only to I have the absolute desire and need to drive me I have the love and support to back it up ! ! !
I'm on the verge of starting a simple business that will bring in extra income and may tripple my income if I go at it full time. I only need to get insurance now and take a simple state certification test that will be within a month and poof, in business. I never would of made the effort if it wasn't that I need to support my family and have them to love me when it gets tough.
Also you got time, 19 - I remember 19, believe me, you got enough time to start 3 careers from then till now ( I'm 39 ) and I still got time to start others. I've learned more online than school ever taught me. You'll be just fine, any time you can't use for school or anything just keep involved in your interests any way you can. There are internet schools like that Pheonix University and others that give on-line courses and all. You will make it.
3. OK, how to think it through logically...
Go get a peice of paper ( RIGHT NOW ! )
- draw a line down the center ( from top to bottom ) do this now !
On the left side write ALL the positive things AND negitive things about having a baby. Take your time, everything you can think of...
On the right side write ALL the positive things AND negitive things about having an abortion...
OK, got it all written down ?
Now just sit back and look at it all, which side is better ?
There you go, got it all figured out logically....
Bestest of the best wishes to ya, you are the luckiest person in the world, and the most important person in the world to your little one. It'll all work out. Read my answere to your other question, I answered that too and explained more about how great it is to be a parent !
2007-04-22 18:03:08 · answer #4 · answered by garfield 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abortion is really a personal choice. I got pregnant when i was 18 and the hardest part is making that kind of decision because i grew up in a broken family too plus i dont have any brother or sister to help me through this its. My step father and my mom want me to abort the child even my bf and his family side.
But because im the only child i was always dreaming of having a sister or a brother and i realize that there is so many people in the world who would do anything just to have a child and here i am about to have one. So i decided to keep the baby no matter what they say.
Now my daughter is 6yrs old going 7, in grade 2 and i have a loving husband(not a biological father of my baby) and im 25 going 26 and im very happy. Everytime me and my daughter go out most of the people ask me if we are sisters.
Having a child doesnt affect me on pursuing through my dreams actually it helps me more to look at the brighter side of life and help me to act more mature and makes me a better person because now i have a very good reason to dream more not just for myself but for my daughter's future.
Hope this helps you. Have a good day, and whatever decision you end up just be brave.
This is my email address kvgaldo@yahoo.com.phil you are always free to email me k, i could be your sister through email when you feel upset even when you want to share good things k.
2007-04-21 21:41:19 · answer #5 · answered by chill25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen its not a easy decision. You need to think it completly through before making any descions. There is alwasy adoption. Once you go through the abortion, you can not get your child back. You will think about it every second so make sure you are ready to make the decision before u do anything.
My son passed away at 2 years old and I would give anything and everything to get him back. Its not always easy not by a long shot, but the joy you get when you looking into you babys eyes for the first time, there is nothing in the world that will give you that joy.
If you really arent ready then I think you should concider adoption. Abortion you are making a choice u will never get back. You have to follow your heart in the end it will be the right decision.
Listen to Happy Birthday by flipsyde. Its a rap song but i think it will make sense to you, check it out.
As for not having a father figure sure its tuff on some but a loving mom can be just as good as two. You have any brothers or a dad who would be around?
You shouldnt base it soley on that becasue I do have a dad yet hes a jerk so my mom raised me alone. I turned out ok, as long as they have love and good vaules it will be ok.
2007-04-21 17:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by The Unknown Awaits 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes men still find single women attractive. this should be last thing on ur mind.
yes you can pursue anything as long as you put your mind to it.
go and seek a family planning clinic and dont go getting an abortion be responsible as you were'nt in the first place you should have been on contraception and or used a condomn whilst ur at the doctor id be getting an std check up aswell.ur doctor should point you in the right direction. and dont worry about the father of your child, thats his choice u cant force him to stay. just be responsible for your actions thats all i can say and when u have ur baby make sure you raiose it well and take good care of it so when he or she reach ur age . he or she wont make the same mistake!!!!!!!!!!!.Good luck honestly i hope it worjks out for you. your family will support you hopefully too so dont panic about being on your own there is always help u just have to look in the right places.
2007-04-21 20:11:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
please don't do anything drastic yet.
you really need to find someone around you who can tell you what you need to know...there are worse things than having a baby with no father figure...your baby could have a father figure that simply does not care.
you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a loving, supportive family...
there will be times after you have the baby that you will wonder why you ever thought about an abortion...but, after you have had an abortion, you will always wonder what would have happened if you had allowed the baby to live...
you made one mistake, don't make another that you cannot take back...if you don't want to keep the baby, give it up for adoption...just please don't abort it, it is not the baby's fault that it was conceived.
2007-04-21 17:50:19 · answer #8 · answered by uranus2mars 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guy is an idiot, forget him. Now let's go on with life, that child in you is alive and it would be a sin for you not to keep it that way. believe in yourself you will love him and care for him many children grow up without a father figure this baby wont be the first read books get oriented you'll do it right, and hell yes men still find women with children attractive, i've been with my husband for 13 years and he is not the father of my two kids, and he think's the world of me plus after 13 years he is still super jealous. As for your goals in life everything is possible if you believe. You and your baby will be fine, trust in god and yourself.
2007-04-21 17:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by zlmsntg 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what is best for you at this point. Do not allow his inability to be a man affect your decision about the life growing inside of you. You need to stop worrying about how men will view you and focus on how you view yourself. Having a child is not the same as having a terminal illness-- A child does not inhibit your ability to be successful ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT. You have a hard decision, make sure whatever decision you make is one that you can live with, because either way there is no going back
2007-04-21 17:49:59 · answer #10 · answered by mother of 2 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A friend of mine gave one up and was never able to conceive again and spent the remainder of her life regretting it. Once you see your baby there will be nothing else more important in the world. Tell the boyfriend to get lost and sign off on his parental rights otherwise he may be fighting you for custody one day. The baby will be just fine with one happy parent. Your dad will be the father figure until you meet the right one.
2007-04-22 00:06:43 · answer #11 · answered by solotrovo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋