My heart is breaking... If there is anyone out there who can help me with this then I will gladly give you?

Question

the 10 points. I had cancer for the first time in my early 20's. It was uterine. I would never have kids. At age 39 I married for the first time and he had 2 beautiful daughters. 4 years ago the youngest one, had a precious little boy. For reasons I won't go into, she just wasn't ready to be a mother or a wife. She divoriced & he was given sole custody. It was left to me and my husband to take on the responsiblity of raising him. & for the last 4 years that's what we've done. Not one week has gone by where we didn't see him. I'm the biggest female presence in his life and we've delvoped a bond that is strong and unbreakable. At times he slips up and calls me "mama". He is my heart, my soul, and he is truly my reason for living.

I was told I had cancer again & they say it's terminal. But I won't believe that. God wouldn't play such a cruel trick. He brought the 2 of us together cause he knew we'd need one another. And for it to end this soon is totally unacceptable.

Weeks ago my husband and his dad got into it over a stupid haircut and we haven't seen or heard from him since. Today my daughter called and she had him with her. She put him on the phone and I started talking to him like we always do, until I noticed he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said that his daddy said he couldn't talk to me or his Papa and he wouldn't be coming out to our house anymore. I thought I heard him wrong but he said it again, told me he loved me and gave the phone back to his mama... I asked her if I heard him right and she said yes, that Brian, his dad, was still mad at my husband about the haircut..

I'm losing the most important thing in my life over a haircut. I tried calling him but he wouldn't answer.

Please someone tell me what I can do or say to stop this from happening. The dad knows how strong our bond his, that his son wants to spend all his time out here. He's not only breaking my heart but he's breaking his son's heart too

You have to understand for the last 4 years not one week has gone by that we hasn't seen us. We've been there everytime he's needed us to be and not just to watch him. We've given him money, helped pay his bills, bought clothes for Keegan. Anything he's needed we've given. I for one will drop everything I'm doing to get to him if he needs me, including cutting off my chemo early, cause he had fell at daycare and he wanted his Mimi.

His mom will go weeks without seeing him, make promises she doesn't keep, etc.. But I don't...just the oppisite. Every decision I make I wonder how it will affect him. He's the reason I've gone through months and months of treatment, he's the reason I didn't just roll over and die.

My first question is what can I do to make this right? He told me after I got back from a fairly long hospital stay, "Mimi, sometimes I miss you so much I cry". I promised him I wouldn't ever leave him, he could ALWAYS count on me. You could hear the pain in his

little voice today on the phone. I feel like I've let him down. But what gets me the most is this is over a frigging haircut, that's it...nothing else, just a bad haircut. The 2 adult men are acting like childen and me and my grandson are paying the price...

I guess my other question would be if I can't make this right, then how do I get pass this God awful, horrendus, pain in my heart. In a matter of minutes I went from hanging in there, doing all I can, no matter how bad it gets attitude, to what's the point. I can't keep doing this. It's not the first time he's been held over my head, and were told we never see each other again...

Maybe I'm wrong about all this, maybe his dad has every right in the world to decide we can't see him anymore. I don't see how he can look in his little boys eyes and tell him he's taknig away the one female or person for that matter that's never lied to him, never broke a promise, and the one person who always puts his needs a head of her own

How can he take that away from his little boy, how can he take that away from me. Who knows if anyone will take the time to read this but just in case can somebody out there please, PLEASE tell me how to make this right and if I can't then please tell me how to make the emptiness, and the pain in my heart go away...I'm on some of the strongest pain medicne they make and it doesn't even numb it. It's like I have a big hole where my heart and soul used to be...I've never done this before. but I'm asking anyone who doesn't mind to plz put me in your prayers so that I may be given the strength to hold on and find my way back. I hate feeling this way and I need to be here when God brings us together again...and I know He will, cause He knows that we need one another. That we share something we don't with anyone else...and I need to be here when he calls, you see I promised him when I got sick, that I'd never leave, that I'd always find him, even if he couldn't see me...

Thanks for your patience, your answers, hopefully your prayers, and your willingness not to judge. I've noticed there are those on here that can be pretty cruel, and I have to tell you after the day I've had I so hope that someones cruelness hasn't made it's way to me cause I can't handle it, not tonight... Thanks again

In case you don't know the questions with all my babbaling they are 1. How do I make this right with his Dad and my husband so that my grandson and I don't pay the price. and 2. How do I find the strength to hold on if we're no longer in one another's lives...

Answer 1

Wow. I don't think there is anything I can say on this other than you are one of the most loving people I know of. God is the ruler of the world. If there is something that he wants you to do or has something in mind for you to do, I think he will show you what he wants you to do. Whatever the fact, please don't lose faith. Doctor's are not always right. Cancer can go into remission. God Bless. I will pray for your family.

Edit: Things may change. Time heals all wounds even disagreements over haircuts. The little boy will tell his day how much he wants to see you. Hopefully his dad w/ see how much.

Answer 2

First....with children never promise something that you cannot deliver. You always being with the little boy is something you have no control over. So be specific.......say that you will always be in his heart and he in yours, even if you cannot see each other. You could contact an attorney and discuss grandparent rights. That may take much time, that you may not have. Have you just been honest with the parents about your medical condition? If necessary, go to their home to visit the little boy or to a park. If his parents will not let him come to your home because of a disagreement with your husband and a haircut.......then go the extra mile and offer to visit the little boy anywhere other than your home. I think I would focus on the time you have had with the lad and do what you can to have as much time with his as possible, even if it is not in your home. Make the visits peaceful occasions full of love. Love is long remembered. You may need to take time to help the lad realize that you may not always be with him physically and help him accept that. I hope that you receive a miracle regarding your cancer........however you may not. So live each day as if it were your last. Enjoy each experience.......and do not focus on the negative. That takes way too much energy. Make the best of your situation.......focus on making the best better. Mail the lad cards, games, pictures, letters. Make him a movie of you doing things you always did together. Tell him how much he is loved. What more is there than that in life? Perhaps God is giving you this opportunity to help the child's parents become better parents? Perhaps God is giving you the chance to teach a small child all about love and faith? Make the most of small opportunities.

Answer 3

Sweet love,
....to begin with you are already in my prayers. I cannot imagine what you and your husband are going through right now. I am glad that the precious little boy has you in his life and it shows that he has a most wonderful nurturer. I can hear it in the way you write about him how much you love him and it's obvious he loves you. And yes, you need him and your husband and they need you. It breaks my heart to hear about your diagnosis. All I can offer you is an ear to hear your concerns and an open mind to help you see things in a different light. I wish I knew why God was doing this. Maybe he needs you right now. Although I don't see why...you're already an angel for taking such good care of your little boy, your daughters and your husband...you're an angel without wings. Maybe God has a different plan for you and we may never figure out why or what that plan is but as long as you're here, just know you are loved dearly by your family. Just keep faith that you and your whole family are taken care of no matter what...pray together as a family to find a way to fight such a cruel illness. Just know that you are and will always be loved in the hearts of those who love you. If you need someone to talk to, you can email me via Yahoo answers.

God Bless you and your whole family during this trying time. Again, my prayers are with you.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for what your going through. People can be so ignorant about the smallest things in life. It is sad that the little boy is missing out on the time he could spend with you. The only thing I can say is never give up. When we give up it means we have gave up hope. As long as there is breath in you there is hope. God can give you strenght and allow him to guide you through these trying days. How sad that these people in your life can't see how short life is and why fight over such small silly things. He will never forget you that is a given, your present in his little life will always be will him in his heart. Take one day at a time and know that God will never put more on you than you can bear. Not easy to understand, but life is not promised to us. Keep trying to get through to them and pray that God will make them see how much you need that child right now. I will pray for you and hope that you can find peace. This has to be the hardest thing you have ever endured and in the end you will come out stronger than before. I believe in prayer and healing, just keep you faith and know that giving up is not in you.

Answer 5

It is for reasons like yours that I am a Captain of a Relay For Life Team, raising money for the American Cancer Society.

As long as you are alive, there is hope for a cure!!!

Think of the gift that God has given you. You were not able to have children adn God gave you 2 daughters. Then you were blessed to have a grandson whom you are able to mother. God has given you these gifts and a chance to have children even when the doctors told you that you couldn't.

The cancer coming back is horrible, but I don't think that it is a cruel trick that God is playing on you. God may have many more babies in Heaven waiting for you to Mother.

Prepare the little boy. Let him know that you love him with all of your heart and that you will always be a part of his life. You will be a star looking down on him and that you will love him forever.

Also, PRAY!! Believe in the power of prayer.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hear stories and testimonies of lives of those suffering with cancer. Turn your story into a story of love.

Again, I am sorry for the heartache that you are going through.

EDIT:
If the father has any compassion or love for his child, he will let you see your little one. Since he is being completely unreasonable, can you talk to the daughter to see if she would be willing to allow you to see him.

EDIT AGAIN:
Tell you husband to swallow his pride and go to the man and apologize or try to make it right. It is something that must be done so that you can make your journey in peace and make things better for this baby.

if you'd like to talk, email me; [e-mail]

EDIT X 3:

Pray for God's PEACE. He will give it to you. I've prayed for you to find that peace too.

Answer 6

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I know this may sound so harsh but god never gives you more than you can stand. I think that this is cruel but you have had 4 years with that precious boy. I know that doesn't seem enough. Many parents that have lost their children no matter what age still feel like they didn't have enough time. You will always have that love with you. that boy will always love you. his family will never let him forget you. you are so very special to him. Make the rest of your time the best possible. don't lose the will to live because you are a survivor. god bless you and your family. your strength is so inspiring.

Answer 7

There was a book written about 10 years ago called "Life 101" which was originally written for people with terminal illnesses, but was so positive, it became read by many. In that book, you will see cases of people whom were basically sentenced to death with full blown advanced AIDS who beat it, but the medical community would chalk it up as misdiagnosis. I think another version or two came out after the original, you can probably find it on amazon, I'd definitely recommend it. Pray, as I'm sure you are; I'll do the same for you. Ultimately, God does what is best for us and we have to trust his way as it is fully love and fully for the best; however; i know that God has also given us faith and a good attitude and many, many people have beaten "terminal" conditions. I'll see if I can find anything else for your consideration and will forward to you if I do so. Thoughts and prayers are with you - Have Faith - If it is God's will for you to beat this, you will, but only if you believe you will - it all starts in your mind. Believe you will be victorious - you can be!

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure it is very painful in every way imaginable. My father has been a minister for most of my life and I am a christian. I know that bad things happen to good people, but it is not God's fault. There is so much sin and hatred in the world and when something bad happens people tend to blame God. We suffer this way because we sin. God does not make us do bad things. We do it on our own. God loves us and he sent his only Son to die for our sins. This is a horrible situation for you and I wish it was not happening. You need to give your life to Christ. He is the only one who can change your life. Life is so precious and it hurts that it has to end, but if you accept Jesus into your heart, you will have eternal life. There will be no death. You may leave this earth, but your heart and soul will live on. I know you love this little boy and I know that he will never ever forget you. God bless you and your family. I will be praying for you.

Answer 9

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your condition. However, I think that human will is much stronger than any medicine (I'm not however, discouraging you from your mediacations) and stronger than any diagnosis. Sounds like you have a real strong reason to live- something many of us lack. You would be surprised on what you can accomplish with the right attitude. I'm not saying this is a cure for your cancer, lord knows it's not that easy. But maybe at best, it can prolong your time, and at least (and likely, the best of all) it will make life sweeter. Show the little one love, show him your strength, and he will take both along with him for the rest of his life, I promise. Good luck, and God Bless.

Answer 10

I lost my own mom when she was 33 to cancer. I was 16 and was raising a 10 yr old sister and baby brother while watching my mom slowly die. The first thing I absolutely MUST tell you is do not lie to him and do not promise him things that are in God's hands. You said yourself, you are the most important person in his young life, what you say to him will be with him forever, believe me I know. I have a feeling the "haircut" may not be the real issue here. Many times in these awful circumstances people will use a relatively minor thing to distance themselves emotionally from the event. In this case, I think the dad knows how much his son loves you and how terribly devastating it will be if he loses you. In his own strange way, he is probably trying to protect his son. In any case, if he won't take your calls, you need to try something else, go to his house, job, TALK to him. Tell him that you know that this is a really hard time for the family dealing with your illness but stress to him that truly NONE of us knows how much time we have left and you want to make sure you spend your good days making memories that his son will always have. I think dad himself probably is affected by your illness. He's been in your lives awhile and cancer is hard for people to deal with. People don't know what to say or how to act. They withdraw naturally to save themselves from unknown or uncomfortable situations. Do what you have to do, but you have to get him to listen to you, just 5 minutes.
I wish you the most success fighting your cancer and hope your love for your grandson gives you the strength to beat it!